Betty Adams Tall Tales
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Humans are Weird - Batter's Up

2/27/2023

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 Humans are Weird – Batters Up!


Waves of amber tinted water lapped gently through the upper layers of the coral reef that hosted the main base of the newest Undulate colony world. Considersquickly was nominally using his leading appendages to sort out exploration shifts for the upcoming weeks on a data bulge. However the primary drift of his thoughts was on the communication from the central university, wrapped in layers of apology and understanding, that they were shifting to the Shatar standard datapads for all future University funded exploration missions. The deciding factor in the final choice had actually not been the Shatar themselves, but the ergonomics of the newly discovered mammalian race. The fact that said race had shown up (on their own funding free of University entanglement) on this planet was prompting the University to forward the change.
Considersquickly fondled the easy to grip, specially textured sides of the bulge and let just a single fiber of regret float away. He really had no problems drifting with the prevailing cultural currents, but he would miss the ease of use of the older tech offered. He was trying to swim back to arranging the shifts when Toucheseagerly fell through the surface with a frantic splop and scrambled down the coral wall, jabbering as he tried to scramble and speak at the same time.
“Either slow down or use sound,” Considersquickly gestured at his quartermaster absently.
“The new friends, the humans I mean!” Toucheseagerly bleated out in pure sound waves as he scrambled faster. “They are disposing of the explosives!”
Considersquickly had to admit he was glad of a chance to leave the rather smooth task of assigning shifts for something that at least had potential to be more interesting. Not that this situation promised to be in any way unusual, but at least Toucheseagerly’s reaction to it promised to be entertaining.
“Yes Toucheseagerly,” Considersquickly said, and perhaps his gestures were a breadth condescending, “the new human friends volunteered to dispose of our expired shaped coral blasters. It was, rather still is, in the weekly flow charts.”
Toucheseagerly’s entire body rippled with contradicting conjunctions and the force of his failed attempt at communication carried him several unds sideways, the movement showing no sign of stopping. Considersquickly took that as a request for more information.
“The corals on this world were far safer and more habitable than the initial survey, taken in the more northerly regions indicated. We have been left trailing a massive stockpile of shaped construction explosives. Detonating them underwater was out of the question for safety reasons, and we have only had the time and personnel to spare to perform atmospheric detonations occasionally-”
“Yes, yes, yes, yes,” Toucheseagerly actually interrupted him with irritated and dismissive gestures.
Considersquickly realized that there was actual fear in his subordinate's energy, but only traces of the more bitter tasting emotion. Mostly there was raw, frantic confusion.
“So when the humans offered to do the atmospheric detonations-” Toucheseagerly interjected.
“At far higher and safer elevations than we could have-” Considersquickly cut in with a significant set to his appendages.
“Faster, cheaper, quicker, safer!” Toucheseagerly broke in again, either completely ignoring Considersquickly’s point or not noticing it.
“Yes, yes, they are, right now, the secondary island. Baseball bats! Safety gear! I don’t know!”
The last statement was a near frantic wail followed by a slump that sent any irritation Considersquickly had built up flowing with the tide. Toucheseagerly was genuinely distressed about something and Considersquickly mentally prodded what he had said.
“Are the human not using proper safety gear?” he asked, setting his appendages in a soothing droop.
Toucheseagerly positively twitched as he clearly tried to form coherent thoughts.
“Balls, the game, not the game-Do you recall, did you see, the game with the big round, did you play?”
“Catch,” Considersquickly offered, wondering where this current was coming from. “Yes, the game the humans play by,” he began to quote the analysis the physicist had made, “inducing atmospheric-gravitic parabolic motion in spheres designed to be easily gripable by human appendages.”
“Do you know what that means?” Toucheseagerly demanded.
“I was there the day of the, I believe they called it a baseball game,” he replied sending out a soothing wave of pheromones. “I admit that I could make as little sense of what the humans were doing as anyone, but when they placed the ball on the flat surface and rolled it to me I was able to grip it, and send it to the next participant. My understanding is that humans are simply naturally able to elevate the ‘roll’ game into three dimensions at speeds of around twenty to forty unds per tic. It sounds preposterous I know, but they did safely-”
“Now!” Toucheseagerly interjected. “Just, just go sound, look at, what they are doing now! On the island. Please…”
Toucheseagerly slumped as his finished this request and simply resorted to pointing to the main surveillance hub.
“Of, course, of course,” Considersquickly assured him even as he bounced up and swam at a brisk pace to the node.
It responded quickly to his touch, chirping apologetically that it only had visual information for him when it resolved an image of the island the Undulates had designated for their more complex hazardous waste disposal when they had first arrived.
“Look!” Considerquickly said in a soothing tone. “They have cleared a nice level area for their work. This must be so they don’t … what was the word?”
“Trip,” Toucheseagerly said in a hollow tone.
“Trip over anything,” Considersquickly finished. “That is very mindful of safety.”
“Note they have also cleared the demolition zone of the contained demolition boxes,” Toucheseagerly gestured.
Considersquickly gave an uneasy hum at that but didn’t feel particularly put out.
“Explosions loose so much force out of the water,” he stated, “and look. They are all wearing their impact armor. Even the ones at more than the safe distance. Surely they are taking every-”
“Please just watch,” Toucheseagerly said in a tried tone.
Considersquickly let his appendages drift to polite attention as he watched the group of five humans interact. He had gotten reasonably good at telling them apart but with only light data and all of the humans encased in detonation armor he had no idea who was who. One stood by the container of explosives, slightly irregular spheres good for blasting habitation nooks in particularly stubborn coral. That human had one of the explosives in his hands and was carefully working the timer controls. A second human stood what looked like several unds away making determined waves of…
“Is that a baseball bat?” Considersquickly asked feeling his appendages stiffening with some unformed dread.
“Yes,” Toucheseagerly intoned.
The console chirped happily as it detected relevant sound information it could supply them. The three humans at the edge of the island had begun to chant. If there were words in the chant Considersquickly didn’t know them, yet the chant had an energizing quality. As if it were a challenge.
The human holding the explosive suddenly hit the timed activation button. In the format the charge was now it would detonate in mere tics. Considerquickly reminded himself firmly that the detonation suits were rated to aborbe the worst of that explosion underwater. Above the surface the human shouldn’t be injured even if the alien didn’t drop the shell. Then the human arranged his body with what was obviously cheerful and friendly challenge even under the muting of the armor. The hand holding the explosive shell began to spin in wide arcs, clearly signaling some intent. The watching humans grew excited, their chanting increased in volume and paces. The human with the, bat, angled his body with some intense intent, the bat secured in the great join of his trunk and arm. Then all the humans moved suddenly. The human with the explosive released it. The human with the bat gave one determined swing, and the explosive detonated, the resulting shock wave producing enough force to shove the humans towards the ground even in the thin firmament above the water.
Considersquickly suddenly understood Toucheseagerly’s frantic confusion. He fully admitted that he had no sounding on what the human were doing.
At the moment the human with the explosives had been knocked down to the ground and was getting back up. The human with the bat was handing it off to one of the three watchers and taking his place outside the detonation area. The human with the explosives staggered to his feet and reached into the container and pulled out another shell. He began twisting the settings.
“That is a violation of...can’t be regulation...that, that can’t be right somehow!” Toucheseagerly flared out with movements a mix of concern and frustration.
“I am quite sure,” Considersquickly said, surprised at how calm his own gestures were, “that there is no regulation against inducing atmospheric-gravitic parabolic motion in spheres designed to be easily gripable by human appendages. We checked after the baseball game.”
On the display the second explosive once more miraculously altered position and detonated high in the air to the delighted noises of the humans. Considersquickly pulled a word out of their noise and felt it against a memory.
“The human with the bat is the batter,” he said slowly. “Those movements are batting practice.”
“With balls!” Toucheseagerly gestured with a lurch. “Balls! They are supposed to use balls, not – not - ”
“Toucheseagerly,” Considersquickly interjected, he did not want his quartermaster to grown anymore incoherent than he was. “Thank you for bringing this, explosive batting practice to my sounding depth. Please go to the base medic and inform him to prepare for strained mammalian muscles.”
Toucheseagerly visibly relaxed now that he had something to do and slouched off towards the medical coves. Considersquickly turned his attention back to where the central human, the ‘pitcher’ if he recalled the game terms correctly, was preparing the next explosive shell. All his training flowed towards stopping this. However these were fully developed, sapient beings with no, rather no other sign of mental disturbance, than deliberately detonating high-grade explosives for an obviously recreational game. For now he would simply, consider.
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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 300 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
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QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.



Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition until I run out of first run books.
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Humans are Weird - Thumb Sucking

2/20/2023

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 Humans are Weird – Thumb Sucking


“Such chubby little legs,” Second Grandfather clicked out as he watched Fifteenth Cousin carefully adjust the sensors on the barrel chest of the human infant laying in the medical hammock. He mentally corrected himself. She was now Twelfth Aunt, even if she would really never read as anything other than one of the hatchlings to him.
“Aren’t they?” crooned the human First Mother bent over her child. “Like little sausages!”
“Sausages?” Second Grandfather asked.
The human glanced over at him and her face lit with laughter that almost chased away the wrinkles of worry. She began to explain the concept of some sort of animal product based food as Fifteenth- Twelfth Aunt, he reminded himself. She was not only in a fully adult molt but was a medical doctor with more training than any of the previous generation. At the moment she was adjusting the hammock with an odd combination of tenderness, almost masculine in its nature, and professional efficiency. With a satisfied click of her mandibles she stepped away from the human child and turned to the human First Mother.
“Little Todd is quite secure,” she said. “All of his vitals are reading normal for a human infant.”
“I just fed him,” the human First Mother said, reaching up absently to feel her slightly deflated mammary glands under her loose thermal insulation. “He’s changed and he should be comfortable for some time.”
The odd bifocal eyes of the tiny human were watching them, his little pink fists curled up under his multiple chins. Despite the rounded fleshy body, and the exotic waft of his alien pheromones there was no doubt that the little one in it’s comfort and curiosity was just as adorable as a Shatar infant. Second Grandfather couldn’t quite resist moving forward and tickling that absurdly round belly with its one star-like scar.
“And are you going to tell us what we need to know you little mystery?” Second Grandfather demanded, bobbing his antenna in a way he had learned that human infants loved.
The tiny human opened it’s mouth and produced a gurgle that would have announced several problems in a Shatar infant, but somehow still sounded delighted. His round little arms reached up for Second Grandfather. The old Shatar was sure he hadn’t given away any of the instincts that triggered but he heard Twelfth Aunt snap her mandibles menacingly.
“Don’t you dare! I just got him settled!”
Second Grandfather deliberately raised his hands in the human gesture of appeasement and backed away from the infant, wriggling his antenna and flexing his pseudo-frill. The human infant, First Brother Todd burst into laughter and wriggled in delight.
“Out!” Twelfth Aunt snapped in a mercilessly authoritative tone. “The dip in blood oxygen content we are looking for only happens when Todd is resting quietly! That clearly isn’t going to happen while you are here!”
“We’ll play more later little First Brother!” Second Grandfather promised as he scuttled out of the room.
He waited outside until Human First Mother came out and joined him. Her face was set in the smooth lines of a calm human state of being, but her pheromones spiked with stress. Second Grandfather took her hand in his and clicked up at her soothingly.
“I remember the first time I had to leave my garden after I strung my first line,” he said. “Don’t worry about little First Brother. Fifteenth Cousin is more than a skilled doctor, she doesn’t like to show it but her membrane is as soft as any males when it comes to hatchlings.”
Humans First Mother gave him a tight smile and eased herself gingerly down onto a Shatar couch.
“She’s the best xeno medic on the planet,” she said almost absently. “Hopefully she can figure out what is causing this. None of ours could.”
“His oxygen levels just drop?” Second Grandfather asked.
He knew exactly what was wrong with their tiny guest, but he also knew that parents loved to talk about what was wrong with their infants. Human First Mother was well into a description of their diagnosis of little Todd when Twelfth Aunt came stalking out of the room carrying a recording device. They glanced up at her in surprise and the gestured for them to be silent before showing them the steadily dipping graph that depicted the tiny human’s precious gas levels. Human First Mother drew in a sharp breath and her eyes widened, but before she could say anything the downward trend paused and started back up. The human gave a surprised gasp and grasped, a little painfully, at Second Grandfather’s arm.
“Do you know why?” Second Grandfather demanded, feeling a wash of surprise despite the situation.
He gently patted the human’s hand and it relaxed a bit.
“I have a theory, now be quiet and look,” Twelfth Aunt stated.
She pulled up the camera display and showed a sped up replay of Human First Brother after they had left the room. He waved his arms around for a few moments, and then he had balled one hand into a tiny fist, stuck out his primary opposable digit, and thrust the digit into his mouth. His strange little eye roved around the room for several more moments before they began to blink closed. As his eyes closed the fist relaxed, and his longer fingers uncurled, reached up, and recurled around the protuberance in the center of his face.
“What is that called again?” Second Grandfather asked, reaching up to touch the matching organ on Human First Mother.
“Nose,” Human First Mother stated, her eyes widening. “He’s clamping his own nose shut! I, I hadn’t even thought about that habit!”
“I doubt he has the strength to fully cut off his air supply,” Twelfth Aunt stated as they watched the child’s oxygen levels began to dip on the graph. “But as you will see this is no doubt the problem.”
In the recording she stood and with no small effort removed the tiny pink fingers from the tiny pink nose. Immediately the graph trended upwards.
“But why didn’t they notice this when we took him to the human hospital?” Human First Mother demanded.
“The protocols I studied suggest that you put an infant oxygen mask on patients experiencing low oxygen,” Twelfth Aunt suggested. “I imaging that would block his ability to display this behavior.”
“Well, this is good news at least,” Human First Mother said with a relieved laugh, “he will grow out of thumb sucking.”
“Until then may I suggest having him wear a detached oxygen mask at night,” Twelfth Aunt suggested.”
“Good idea,” Human First Mother said.
Her voice broke and her pheromone levels surged as her body released its’ stress. She lunged forward and swept Twelfth Aunt up in a hug that swept the tall female Shatar completely off the ground. Twelfth Aunt angled a desperate look down at Second Grandfather and stepped up and gently tugged at Human First Mother’s sleeve.
“My friend,” he said in a bright tone, “I am still quite confused. What is this, thumb sucking, did you call it? Why is the little human apparently eating one of his own digits?”
Human First Mother stopped her grateful assault on his offspring and turned her tearful attention to him with a laugh as Twelfth Aunt made a hasty escape back into the observation room.
“Why do humans suck their thumbs?” she asked. “That’s a good question actually...”
​Please go and leave a new rating and review on my 3rd book! 
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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 300 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
​

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.



Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition until I run out of first run books.
AMAZON



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Humans are Weird - Flossing

2/13/2023

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 Humans are Weird – Flossing


Third Sister shifted her datapad in her arm and gently rubbed her antenna with her free hand. She drew in a slow breath to her main lung and methodically stretched out first her hind legs, then her forelegs. Finally she expanded her thorax one segment at a time and let it relax. She carefully adjusted her kilt and tilted her head up. She reminded that twinge of guilt that presenting yourself neatly was not deceiving your hive as she settled down on the couch to face the holo-display. She was absolutely going to tell Second Father everything that was wrong. She was just going to do it in a way that wouldn’t worry him when he was stringing new lines in the spring.
The kiosk gave a cheery click as it recognized an incoming comm and her datapad gave the expected chirp as it recognized her own code. Third Sister reached out and activated the screen. A wild scattering of light sprang up followed by a series of barely discernible high-pitched whines. Third Sister felt her antenna curl in familiar annoyance, but forced them to a lighter curve as she quickly ran her fingers over the controls until the scattered light formed into the well known head and frill of First Sister, and the piercing whine deepened to her familiar clicks and chirps.
“There!” Third Sister exclaimed. “Very sorry First Sister. The Winged must have been using the comms kiosk last and forgot to reset the refraction levels.”
“That will happen on mixed bases,” First Sister said with an amused flick of her antenna. “Is that what has the cramp in your curl?”
Third Sister’s fingers flew up to her antenna and found them in the same relaxed position she had so carefully set them. From the meaningful tilt of First Sister’s broad, triangular head Third Sister realized the confession she had just made and felt her frill turn a deeper green in annoyance.
“Where’s Second Father?” she demanded.
“One of the egg lines came out scruffy,” First Sister said with a dismissive wave of her fingers. “Second Father is delighted with how robust it is, especially for a line of twenties, but he is going to need to shave every pod on it down for proper absorption.”
Third Sister absently clicked her understanding and relaxed back onto the couch.
“That is probably for the best,” she admitted. “I can probably vent to you easier than Second Father in the spring.”
“Vent?” First Sister asked, tilting her head to the side.
“Release my emotional frustration for no other reason than to give myself some relief,” Third Sister explained.
First Sister clicked in understanding.
“A human term?”
“Yes,” Third Sister confirmed.
“And is this a human problem you are venting about?” First Sister inquired.
Third Sister let her frill stiffen a bit and flush lightly as she traced the memories back.
“I was simply having a perfectly bland, boring even, conversation with one of the humans and she suddenly got irritated and started snipping at me!” Third Sister burst out. “All I did was ask the exact same questions that I had of every other toothed species. By the end she had raised her voice, her face was flushed, and she was scolding me for being judgmental! Then she stalked off before I could even ask what I was being judgmental about!”
First Sister clicked in sympathy, but the set of her frill and antenna suggested more confusion than understanding.
“That must have been quite frightening to be agressed at by such a large mammal,” she observed.
“I wasn’t frightened,” Third Sister objected, she knew by the way First Sister’s glossa flicked out to bathe her eye, she had protested too quickly to be quite believed. “This human is a very professional ranger and has consistently been quite friendly. I just am completely confused as to why she so suddenly got angry at me.”
“What were you discussing?” First Sister asked.
Third Sister had been hoping for a bit more sympathy, but a first sister would always be more prone to try and trim the branch that’d tripped you before she soothed the bruised membrane.
“You know how both the mammal and reptilian species exoskeletons protrude out of their muscular flesh?” Third Sister demanded.
First Sister flicked an antenna in agreement.
“Teeth, they call them,” Third Sister went on. “Well, protruding like that exposes them to all manner of parasites and each species has developed specialized behaviors to combat the parasites. The Winged run thin fibers between their individual teeth, the lizard folk use a more abrasive method with either brushes or gums, and the humans use both methods. This base has all three species so the Central University requested I string out a few surveys on the matter. I have finished interviewing the Winged and the lizard folk on base so I chose this human for my next interview. She was giving off cheerful signals while I inquired about the abrasive brushing aspect of the endoskeleton protrusion care, but she started getting agitated as soon as I moved on to inquires about the thing fiber method. Before I could even finish the question set she snapped that I should mind my own business and stalked off!”
First Sister gave a hum of sympathy, but there was an amused curl in her antenna.
“What do you know?” Third Sister demanded.
“The human isn’t mad at you,” First Sister said gently. “You can uncurl your antenna about that.”
“How do you know?” Third Sister demanded eagerly, though she already felt herself relaxing.
“I have some little experience with humans myself,” First Sister replied with a dismissive gesture. “I can tell you exactly what the problem is. That ranger of yours hasn’t been treating her teeth with the fibers for some time. She is probably already suffering the weakness in her mandible membrane because of it. She might actually be bleeding from her internal membranes. Not enough to seriously harm her,” First Sister said quickly when she noted Third Sister’s horrified flush.
“You know how robust human membranes are to damage. I will tell you exactly what is going to happen. That human will show up shortly with some form of food as an apology for her rudeness. Then she will answer all your questions while projecting shame instead of anger.”
“So you are saying,” Third Sister summarized slowly, “a human past her final adult molt, projected her self-irritation on me, because her lack of self-maintenance was causing her irritation?”
Third Sister could feel her incredulity flexing out through her frill.
“It’s not all that strange,” First Sister said with a dismissive flick of her antenna. “Like the old Aunties say, ‘When you’re in the wrong, the whole world is your Eldest Sister’.”
Third Sister tilted her mandibles as she digested that.
Then a loud thump vibrated the base and Third Sister angled her head to get a clear view of the main door. The human had entered was was coming her way, carrying a fresh succulent fruit and face flushed with human shame.
“Did she go for fresh fruit or baked goods?” First Sister asked.
Third Sister felt a resurgence of her life long suspicion that all first sisters were telepathic and only gave a mildly vexed click as she signed off.


Please go and leave a new rating and review on my 3rd book! 
Amazon! 
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​
What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 300 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
​

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.



Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition until I run out of first run books.
AMAZON

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Transformers: EarthSpark Season 1 Episode 8 Full Spoilers Review & Analysis There’s Megatron’s Smirk

2/12/2023

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Transformers: EarthSpark Season 1 Episode 8 Full Spoilers Review & Analysis There’s Megatron’s Smirk
Youtube
https://youtu.be/gIb9hyWHwKA
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https://www.bitchute.com/video/j7iHnDl09xje/
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https://odysee.com/@BettyAdams:5/transformers-earthspark-season-1-6:5
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https://rumble.com/v29bd1l-transformers-earthspark-season-1-episode-8-full-spoilers-review-and-analysi.html 
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https://www.veoh.com/watch/v142252813WCxwzW5t
Amazon
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08S2VT2TC
#TFES #Megatron #Soundwave #Decepticon #Malto

Please go and leave a new rating and review on my 3rd book! 
Amazon! 
Barnes & Noble
Powell's Books
Google Play Books
Kobo By Rakuten

​
What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 300 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
​

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.



Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition until I run out of first run books.
AMAZON
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Odysee
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Comments

Humans are Weird - Double Check (short)

2/6/2023

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 Humans are Weird – Double Check


“Pat-”
The human named suddenly released a wild yell and flung his center of mass backwards. The yell transformed to a yelp as the chair the human had been sitting on tilted past the point where the human could compensate for the gravitational force of the planet and fell to the plank floor with a clatter. Human Friend Pat had flung out an arm to balance himself, and by some combinations of mammalian gyrations had managed to avoid following the chair to the floor, ending up propped against the wall.
Notes the Passing Changes spent the time carefully arranging the detritus the paired couple had provided into what the Gathering hopped was a patient expression. They had gone to some lengths to provide a nice ceramic terrarium in a carved out nook in the walls and it comfortably housed enough tendril extensions for him to communicate easily with them in the cold winter months. Human Friend Pat regained his breath and his pheromone signature stabilized.
“Notes,” the human finally stated. “I didn’t realized you’d be...popping in today.”
“It was not one of my pregrown pathways,” Notes the Passing Changes admitted. “However I observed rather odd behavior in Sandy and wished to understand it.”
“Right,” Human Friend Pat seemed to have calmed down but was still showing slight signs of distress.
His movement profile suggested he was analyzing Notes the Passing Changes visible mass as if it were a threat.
“Does my appearance disturb you Pat?” Notes the Passing Changes asked.
The Gathering was quite pleased with the tone of concern he managed. It wasn’t easy growing tendrils through the solid log walls of Pat and Sandy’s dwelling and Notes the Passing Changes had spent months getting enough sound producing mass into their communications nook.
“No! Nono, no!” Pat assured the Gathering, then then human hesitated and took a deep breath. “Ya, a wee bit,” he admitted. “You didn’t do anything wrong, but those leaves are dead pale, and a bunch of dead place leaves suddenly becoming a dead pale face…”
“Perhaps I should make a noise before I manifest?” Notes the Passing Changes asked.
Human Friend Pat nodded his head vigorously.
“Ya, knock or something. What did you want to ask anyway?”
“I was curious if you had received information that I had not regarding the anticipated arrival time of the Shatar free merchant vessel.”
The human stilled as his thoughts turned inward and then his head slowly rotated in a negating gesture.
“No,” he said. “You monitor the incoming transmission so you would know if there was a change before us. It’s supposed to show up in the wee hours tonight.”
“And yet Sandy has made three trips through the snow from your dwelling to the post office,” Notes the Passing Changes observed.
Pat let out a low laugh and righted his chair before easing his frame back into it.
“Ah, that,” he said. “Yeah, she’s got a shipment coming in. It’s from her people back home so she’s really excited for it.”
“That is a well established human pattern,” Notes the Passing Changes agreed. “However it does not explain why she is walking some distance through the cold and snow when she is fully aware that there will be nothing at her destination but an empty postal storage unit.”
Pat reached up to scratch at the foliage he was experimenting with growing on his face.
“It’s a bit hard to explain,” he said slowly. “It’s like how humans go and look in the fridge to see if there’s something new when we know there isn’t.”
“That would be behavior of equal futility,” Notes the Passing Changes observed.
Human Friend Pat chuckled at that and then shook his head.
“I’ve got nothing for you on that Notes,” he said. “Just watch Sandy and if you figure out why she’s checking the post with no real chance of finding anything you can let us both know.”


Please go and leave a new rating and review on my 3rd book! 
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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 300 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
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QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.



Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition until I run out of first run books.
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  • Home
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