Humans are Weird – Hachi

​“That cannot be correct,” Spins Madly stated firmly.
“Those were my observations,” Twistunder replied just as firmly.
“This makes no sense,” Spins Madly insisted. “It is the most basic genetic tenant. It is not restricted to sentient beings. It applies to every organism, no matter how deaf or simple they are.”
“I am aware,” Twistunder said.
He slumped into a loaf as he waited for the officer to finish ranting. This had become a rather distressing habit of his commanding officers since they had begun interacting with humans. With the majority of his appendages hidden under his greater mass he began flicking though his data again. After all he might have been wrong. It was certainly a more productive use of his time than listening to Spins Madly detail how ridicules human behavior was.
There were few examples of the stimulus unfortunately. There was the archaic visual representation set in a primitive culture, a more advanced visual representation set in a more advanced culture, and of course the written version of an oral retelling of an actual scientific finding. Fortunately there were as many reaction moments as there were humans who had been exposed to the few stimuli. Even more fortunately every human seemed not only willing but eager to expose themselves.  Twistunder had displayed the data several different ways by the time Spins Madly caught on.
“Will you feel this?” Spins Madly demanded.
“I really don’t mean to,” Twistunder bluntly stated. “Sound this. I am keenly aware of how strange this data is. Feel me, I didn’t want to believe my observations myself at first.”
“But this is how it is,” Spins Madly finished with a slump.
“Now we have two choices here,” Twistunder said. “We can tighten up over this and stealthfully observe the humans for more data. Or we can just ask the nearest human.”
“I think Quartermaster Smith is experiencing a time of low responsibility at the moment,” Spins Madly said after a moment.
“Let’s go then,” Twistunder said.
They scooted off of the table and dropped down to the floor. Quartermaster Smith was indeed experiencing a time of low responsibility. He was stretched out on the floor rising and falling in a steady rhythm. Twistunder was under the impression that this had something to do with maintaining their core strength but he wasn’t sure. The human noted their entrance with a brief nod. Counted to ten and then leapt into a standing position.
“What’s up lil dudes?” Quartermaster Smith asked cheerfully. “Can I get you some travel pods?”
“We have a question about some data we gathered,” Spins Madly stated.
“And you are asking me science type questions because?” Quartermaster Smith said, tilting his head to the side and raising one eyebrow.
“You were the closest human and we were lazy,” Twistunder replied.
“Sounds legit,” Quartermaster Smith said. “Ask away.”
“Please do not take offense,” Twistunder began.
“Oh,” Quartermaster Smith arched both eyebrows as he interrupted to fling his massive frame into a chair. “This is gonna be good.”
“But why, when watching emotional stimulating entertainment, do humans show more emotional reaction to the suffering of the domestic animal you call dogs than to the suffering of your fellow humans?” Twistunder asked bluntly.
Quartermaster Smith’s entire body lapsed into an expression of shock and then tightened into one of thoughtful confusion.
“We do,” he said slowly, “don’t we?”
“I take it you were not aware of the phenomenon,” Spins Madly observed with a tired groan.
“Naw,” the human replied shaking his head. “Well, I mean at least I did, but I’d never thought about it before. Weird.”
“There is notably the story of the dog you call Hachi,” Twistunder began.
He was interrupted by a loud sniffle from the human. Already the patterned skin was flushing with grief and stress.
“He was such a good boy,” Quartermaster Smith whispered. 

Here's to a class ole work by the nineteenth century English author Anthony Trollope. :"The Way We Live Now". Here is just one of the cutting little quips from this work. 

"Well; it certainly may be necessary that a woman should shoot a man—especially in Oregon." 

Just,  'especially in Oregon.' What a difference a few centuries make in a State's reputation. 

Humans are Weird – Those Were Warnings Not Suggestions

“All non-classified data is to be placed on the shared drive,” Forty-five Trills burst out. “That is clearly stipulated in the regulations!”
“How?” Demanded Ghas’trk, waving his primary manipulation appendages in frustration, “did you not think this needed to be classified?”
“I assumed this was already common knowledge among humans,” Forty-five Trills defended himself.
Ghas’trk let his appendages drop down and rubbed his eyes in frustration. His rearmost motile appendages rubbed together and he grimly felt the remaining numbness.  
Forty-five Trills noticed the motion and drew his wings together in a sympathetic wince.
“Is the flame damage healing well?” He asked.
“As well as can be expected,” Ghas’trk stated. “Now, when did you first start compiling this,” he hesitated as he mulled over the proper descriptors, “this list.”
“It was soon after the first humans entered this sector,” Forty-five Trills explained. “I was stationed on the observation platform that had been shared with the Shatar once. So it was the only base built to specs that could house a human. The rest were far too small. However we had a mega-mite infestation on the base at the time.”
“Sweet Mother Flight,” Ghas’trk hissed. “Not the piercing kind?”
“Shedding no,” Forty-five Trills replied with a shudder. “Just the daubing kind. But they were perhaps three times the size, so all around an uncomfortable experience. When you come across something that is nearly your mass that looks so very much like the tales of a demon one hears of in pup’s stories.”
He fluffed and smoothed his fur with a huff.
“Well we assumed that a predatory species of the human’s mass would not be so concerned with their  presence,” he continued.
“And it was the only base there,” Ghas’trk acknowledged.
“And it was the only base there,” Forty-five Trills confirmed. “We warned them. We did warn them. I can only assume that the human in question failed to absorb the briefing entirely, because it came out after the incident investigation that he had not seen one of the ‘bleeding horrific giant buggers’ before.”
“But from your description the mega-mites were a fraction of a hundredth of a human’s mass,” Ghas’trk replied.
“Indeed,” Forty-five Trills replied. “In times since then I have seen humans dispatch the same species with  a mere flick of their hands. But apparently they have a preferred size for mites, and anything that dares to grow larger must be, ‘killed with fire’.”
“And so that is what the human on the base did?”  Ghas’trk asked.
“Yes,” Forty-five Trills said with a sigh.
He ran his winghook over his sensory horns and stared glumly at the list Ghas’trk was displaying on the pad.
“He found the main nest and improvised an incendiary device out of a pressurized can of cleaning solvent and the ignition factors of some outdated mining equipment,” Forty-five Trills went on.
“Didn’t his screaming alert you before the fact?” Ghas’trk demanded. “Human lungs are…powerful to say the least.”
“I might remind you I had never experienced human behavior before this,” Forty-five Trills replied. “Even if I had this particular human wasn’t prone to screaming. We had no warning before the fire suppressant systems informed us of his tampering with them. Well we followed the indicators and found him singed and satisfied.”
“What did he say?” Ghas’trk asked with a feeling of macabre interest.
“Everything’s fine now,” Forty-five Trills replied. “Anyway, I had to write up the report for that incident so I had that copy in my records. When it became clear that this wasn’t a random encounter due to prolonged exposure to space, but a standard reaction to unknown threats I decided to keep the list. Most entries are from my official reports, some are from incidences I observed personally, and some are purely second-wing telling.”
“And what was the purpose of this list?” Ghas’trk asked.
“Safety!” Forty-five Trills nearly shrieked out, flailing his wings wide. “I wanted every officer in charge of a human to be aware that given an immediate threat, an approaching threat, or an insufficiency of threats a humans first response is to set something on fire! I wanted them to be able to react to that!”
Forty-five Trills lunged across the table and gripped Ghas’trk’s head in his winghooks. Ghas’trk stiffened but didn’t panic. They had worked together for too long for him to really fear the irritating Winged.
“How was I supposed to know?” Forty-five Trills demanded.  “How was I supposed to know that a list made for warning purposes would be taken as a –“
His voice broke out of Ghas’trk’s hearing range and the Trisk winced back for a moment.
“Control yourself Forty-five Trills,” Ghas’trk said firmly. “What did you say the list was taken as?”
Forty-five Trills dropped back to his seat and gave a groan.
“The humans took it for a challenge,” he finally said weakly. “They print it out and check off the explosive, incendiary, and electric devices as they find ways to improvise them with the materials on hand.”
“And that is why I was caught in that blast in the storage bay?” Ghas’trk asked.
“Human Green had found a new type of cleaning solvent,” Forty-five Trills replied.
“This is all very interesting,” Ghas’trk said, “and informative, however the device that involved myself was not described in your list.”
“I did mention the part where the humans improvise,” Forty-five Trills pointed out.
“That you did,” Ghas’trk said. “And now the list is out there and growing.”
“Well they survived long enough to achieve space flight,” Forty-five Trills pointed out. “They can’t be too careless with explosions, can they?”

Humans are Weird – Fishing

​Quilx’tch stretched out his motile legs and arched his abdomen deliciously in the soft rays of the afternoon sun. The biting cold of this harsh world had taught him to enjoy the benefits of direct exposure to solar radiation. The light that fell into the small clearing on the banks of the river was just enough to warm him through his joints without burning through the chemical protective layer the humans had taught them to use. That last thought caused the Trisk to stir himself and he shook out his legs lazily before standing. He ambled to the edge of the hat and peered down over the side. The human’s eyes were closed but his primary atmospheric pumps were functioning at a rate that indicated wakefulness.
“Pardon me Mack,” Quilx’tch said. “Could you please hand up the solar protection?”
The eyelids twitched and one massive arm groped out towards the rucksack beside them. Without opening his eyes the human groped around in the top compartment for a moment before pulling out a bottle of the substance and handing it up to Quilx’tch. Quilx’tch accepted it and squeezed a few drops out onto his primary manipulating appendages.
“Need any help with that Bud?” Mack asked with a yawn.
“I do not,” Quilx’tch assured him. “Unlike humans we have full access to our entire surface area.”
“Sure you do,” the human murmured.
They fell into companionable silence and Quilx’tch arranged the bottle on the human’s hat so he could use it as a resting couch. He let his attention wander to the leg-like collection of polymer rods and line that rose from a secure place by the human’s feet and dipped into the water before them. The flotation device bobbed slowly in the minute waves on the water’s surface.
“Mack?” Quilx’tch asked finally.
The human gave a hum that Quilx’tch assumed was permission to continue.
“Are there fish in this river?” Quilx’tch asked.
There was a subtle shifting in the hat that indicated the human had changed his facial expressions without bother to move his head. Quilx’tch supposed it was a smug smile but didn’t bother to check.
“That’s what we’re here to find out, now isn’t it?” Mack replied.
“Did you check the biodiversity density records in the database before we embarked on this expedition?” Quilx’tch asked.
“Nope,” the human said with another yawn.
“Did you hear reports of fish in this area from the teams of Gathering?” Quilx’tch pressed.
“Not a one,” Mack confessed.
“Do you have any reason at all to suppose that there are fish in this river?” Quilx’tch asked.
“Would you be upset if I said no Mr. Nutritional Anthropologist?” Mack asked with the warm tones of a smile filling the air just as the sunlight did.
Quilx’tch pondered this question a moment as he drank in the sparkling water and the soft hum of insect life around them.
“I do not think I would,” he confessed. 

Very Worried Housemate: "Are you okay?"
Silently Weeping Author: "Yes, yes." 
Very Worried Housemate: "You have been crying for an hour now..."
Silently Weeping Author: "I'm just...writing...stuff..."
Very Worried Housemate: "What on Earth are you writing about?" 
Silently Weeping Author: "...a dog..." 
Very Worried Housemate: "Does the dog die? Did you kill a dog?"  *glaring*
Silently Weeping Author whispers: "...Hachi..."
Very Worried Housemate *starts to cry*: "I hate you. I hate you so much." 

Humans are Weird – A Good Long Walk

​“But have you not preformed the necessary amount of muscular contraction to maintain your functionality for the day?” Twistunder asked as he scampered after his friend.
Human Friend Mack was briskly striding around the airlock of the base searching for one particular personal radiations shield.
“Yeah I guess,” he answered absently. “Are you sure you haven’t seen my hat?”
“I have not,” Twistunder assured him. “However, Human Friend Rob’s radiation shield is there on the peg and it is the same size.”
Human Friend Mack rolled his eyes.
“I can’t take Rob’s hat Twist,” he said. “It’s just, ah!”
He flushed with triumph as he discovered the radiation shield he had been searching for under a thermal insulating garment.
“You ready to go Twist?” He asked.
“I am,” Twistunder confirmed. “May I mount now?”
“Sure thing,” Mack said and made as if to kneel down.
“No, no,” Twistunder said quickly. “I am not injured you know.”
Human Friend Mack smiled and remained standing as Twistunder climbed up the back of his legs and settled himself onto Mack’s shoulders. Mack opened the outer door and stepped out into the brilliant purple light of day. Mack slipped his ocular radiation shields over his eyes and began humming.
“Why does your confidence signaling increase when you put those on?” Twistunder asked as he traced the flushes of light up and down Human Friend Mack’s neck and scalp.
“Because these are very cool sunglasses,” Human Friend Mack explained as he picked up his particular stick from where the so called ‘walking sticks’ leaned against the outer wall of the bio-dome.
“I did not know they assisted with thermoregulation,” Twistunder said, very deliberately pitching his voice to mild innocence.
Human Friend Mack gave an explosive blast of air out of his nose and his stripes rippled with humor.
“I know you know what that word means,” he said in a scolding tone.
Meanwhile he had slipped from the more agile stride he used in enclosed spaces to the energy saving lope that he used to cover long distances.
“I do,” Twistunder admitted. “But you still haven’t answered my question.”
“What question?” Human Friend Mack asked between long deep breaths.
“Why are you out here expending calories when you have already gotten enough exercise today?” Twistunder asked again.
“I just felt like a walk,” Human Friend Mack replied. “The weather is good and it isn’t always.”
“What benefit do you get from this walk?” Twistunder asked. “There is our socialization of course but that could be better facilitated back at the nice warm couch, or in your room if you wished solitude.”
“It’s a walk,” Human Friend Mack said. “I mean just look at that will you?”
He swung his arm out to indicate the terrain around them. Twistunder studied it carefully. The ground rolled away in cold, dry hummocks. The surface was covered with a brittle pseudo-algae that glinted darkly purple in the harsh light from the triple stars over head.  The silicone rich lifeform provided enough oxygen to make the planet barely habitable for the sentient species that had found it.
“I see the conditions that make this world a death trap,” Twistunder finally said, pulling closer to the comforting warmth of his friend.
“If it’s so bad why are you here in the first place?” Human Friend Mack asked with a laugh.
“The high joining determined that if you podlings decided to set up a colony here we at least needed a science outpost,” Twistunder replied. “We found it first after all.”
“Fair enough,” Human Friend Mack said with a shrug.
The slope of the ground increased and his stride shifted slightly to compensate. They were currently traveling along the path the humans’ feet had trampled out between the main base and the power generators. The Undulates could travel nowhere else under their own power. The local flora would lacerate their appendages dangerously if they tried without protective armor. Of course the same applied to the humans but they would not go out without their protective foot armor in any case.
Twistunder made a mental note to add the probability of lacerating ground foliage to the list of dangers they faced if the humans ever let them near Earth.
“But what is the purpose of this walk?” Twistunder pressed. “You are traveling too fast for exploration to be the goal.”
“It’s just a walk Twist,” he replied. “Fresh air-“
“We could open a window,” Twistunder interjected.
“Exercise-“ Human Friend Mack continued.
“You fulfilled twenty-percent more than required in the gym this morning.” Twistunder said.
“Companionship,” Human Friend Mack went on.
“Equally available on the couch,” Twistunder replied.
“It’s tradition Twist,” Human Friend Mack said with a sigh. “It’s just tradition.”
They reached a hillock and Human Friend Mack planted his walking stick in the ground to provide a third point of support and looked out over the iridescent purple plain. Twistunder took in the strange, low growing ecosystem for a moment and then left its contemplation to the human. Honestly the patterns that rippled over Human Friend Mack’s skin were more interesting to him. Granted he wasn’t a field biologist. Fortunately these ‘walks’ gave them both a chance to indulge their observational interests. Perhaps that was the point after all.