Humans are Weird – Illicit Substances


“This is a very serious matter,” First Mother said, her frill drooping with exhaustion.
First Father clicked softly to her as he gently rubbed the salve into the soft tissue of her frill.
“I am just glad that it is a question of gross physical harm and not involuntary slaughter,” she went on. “If I had to deal with that I would just run right back to my Second Father and hide under his arbor.”
“I don’t think you are allowed to do that once you are a Mother yourself,” her mate pointed out gently.
“I’m bigger than you, you can’t stop me,” First Mother pointed out with a dispassionate click.
First Father clicked in amusement as he worked the salve into her.
“Why the humans insist on poisoning themselves into higher energy levels in the first place is beyond what I can weave,” First Mother went on. “However the insist that their access to the toxin not be infringed.”
“Strange,” First Father muttered as he put the lid back on the slave and set it to the side.
“It is regulated at the concentrations the human was using at the time the accident happened,” she said.
“Then how did it do so much damage to First Taxonomist?” First Father asked.
“Apparently the human had been experiencing sever diminishing returns with the over the counter concentrations,” First Mother said. “He is First Mechanic to his unit and has been working may hours past his sunset on the latest systems upgrade. Therefore he found a way to concentrate his toxin intake by brewing the dehydrated bean from directly in the sealed liquid form.”
She stretched her long arms, flexing her membranes as she did. The flashed red in the afternoon light and First Father found his mind wandering from what she was saying and pulled himself up abruptly.
“-are going to have trouble with the gathering,” she was saying.
“Is the central hive of the Gathering that unreasonable?” First Father asked.
First Mother clicked in annoyance as she settled down onto their couch.
“As far as I can gather,” she said. “The central hive of this Gathering doesn’t exist. You know they have no proper hives. They just deal with each other as they encounter each other. They only formed their pseudo-hives to deal with outsiders.”
“I think I remember the First Instructor saying something about that in Second Cousin’s civics lesson,” First Father admitted with a sheepish tilt to his antenna as he snuggled into his mate’s side. “I really don’t have much of a line on interplanetary politics.”
“Well imagine that Touches the Bedrock is both an orphan, and doesn’t care that he is,” she explained with an exasperated flare of her neck frill.
“So he has no one to argue for him now that his intelligence is threatened?” First Father demanded.
“That about ties it together,” First Mother said. “So we have a mammal so determined to complete a goal that he illegally concentrated a toxin to the point that it gave him cardiac arrhythmia, which caused him to spill said toxin on a micro-rhyzal based lifeform accidentally who is now experiencing severe mental incapacitation from the spill.”
“Did we know before hand that the toxin was dangerous to the Gathering?” First Father asked.
“Not exactly,” First Mother said. “This substance, caffeine, is produced in various cultivated plants specifically to kill fungal based lifeforms, but as far as I can research no Gathering has ever been exposed to it before.”
“The judgment will be difficult,” First Father murmured as they began to enter torpor together.
“At least the human was repentant,” First Mother said as she cuddled against him, “he promised to never brew coffee with energy drinks again.”

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Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 165 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
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QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
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\

How To Write A Dragon - Tui Sutherland Wings of Fire With Emily of Snake Discovery

Youtube - https://youtu.be/7kNgxuGGjQs
Rumble - https://rumble.com/vw10x8-how-to-write-a-dragon-tui-sutherland-wings-of-fire-with-emily-of-snake-disc.html
Bit Chute - https://www.bitchute.com/video/4fVvVLDVmfdA/  
​
#WingsofFire #Reptiles #SnakeDiscovery #snek #GlitchTechs

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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 165 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
​

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
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​ Humans are Weird – Bump


“Thank you for the reassurance,” Cuddlesround said in a hollow tone.
The Undulate reached out an appendage absently and patted the inspector’s elbow. The rest of his appendages were writhing in on themselves in a display of guilt and distress that one didn’t need to be an expert in xeno-kenesethetics to interpret. It turned out that ‘writhing’ was a pretty universal experience.
“Really,” Medical Inspector Gregory murmured gently, reaching out to stroke the Undulate, “it would have been difficult for a human doctor to diagnose the trouble when the patient was actively hiding it.”
“But that is the flow!” Cuddlesround burst out, remembering to put sounds of stress in his voices this time. “My species are hardly strangers to the idea of working through injuries! Even to the point of self harm. That is why the inspection of our fellows is so important to us!”
Cuddlesround cut off and just writhes in the bottom of the small depression full of room temperature water that formed his desk space and Gregory fought the urge to look away. Every psyche briefing he had stated that Undulates did not do, “giving them privacy”. Finally the chief researcher for the expedition gathered enough self control to continue speaking.
“I know I can’t be held responsible for failing to diagnose an alien injury,” Cuddlesround admitted, adding resignation to his voice. “Despite being a biologist I know very little about mammalian biology, save where you make such excellent hosts for symbiotes, so much free space in you, why I bet you could host multiple eukaryotic species at once! There is, in particular a worm-ah but I see I am distressing you. We must stay in the main stream of the conversation, of course.”
Gregory didn’t think his face had given away the cringing horror at the turn the conversation had taken. It must have been his pheromones he mused as Cuddlesround went on.
“My current is this,” Cuddlesround was saying. “Internal injuries are so odd, difficult to diagnose when your tissues are properly orders, impossible to diagnose when they are separated into discrete ‘organs’. I know I could never have hopped to tell that Human Friend Michael had sustained damage to…”
Cuddlesround drifted off and lifted up his longest appendage to Medical Inspector Gregory. Gregory caught his drift and glanced down at his notes.
“The connective tissue, called ligaments, anchoring certain muscle groups to his pelvis,” Medical Inspector Gregory supplied.
“To his ligaments,” Cuddlesround said, “from simply slipping in the mud. In fact, though I witnessed the fall that caused the damage, I did not recognize that such a fall, one he even maintained control over could damage his tissues.”
Cuddlesround contracted tightly and then visibly forced himself to flex out and relax in a decent approximation of a sigh for a species with no lungs.
“No,” Cuddlesround said in a glum tone, “I could not have diagnosed him, but he was in pain for months before the damage accumulated to the point he could no longer walk without visible pain.”
Cuddlesround stopped talking here and Medical Inspector Gregory realized after a long pause that the Undulate had finished his thought and was waiting for a reply.
“Then what do you feel so guilty about?” Medical Inspector Gregory asked. “Ranger Michael slipped on the mud, sprained his butt, and didn’t tell anyone. That is hardly your responsibility.”
“Oh but it is!” Cuddlesround insisted. “I failed to set the flow of our group down the proper currents! If I had Human Friend Michael would have let us know about his injury soon enough to treat it properly.”
Medical Inspector Gregory couldn’t help letting out a skeptical noise at that and apparently Cuddlesround had enough experience with humans to translate it.
“What do you find issue with in my statement Medical Inspector Gregory?” Cuddlesround asked.
“I sincerely doubt that you could have done anything that would make it more likely for a human to have reported an injury,” Gregory said. “From the sound of this,” he held up the report. “The pain was only sporadic at first. I doubt that Ranger Michael was deliberately hiding anything from you. More likely he just genuinely didn’t consider it an issue at first, and there is only so much you can do before you start violating human privacy boundaries.”
Cuddlesround gave a skeptical sound of his own and Gregory smiled ruefully down at the Undulate.
“Look,” Gregory said. “From our perspective this is a matter of Ranger Michael’s training. However if you would like I can offer you and the other undulates on base information on how to coax injury information out of humans in casual conversation without passing those boundaries.”
“Yes!” Cuddlesround exclaimed, lifting his leading end out of the water entirely. “Teach us that.”
“Well,” Gregory said with a nod, “I have a whole class on it but the main idea is tit-for-tat.”
“You mean I would have to offer up an injury of my own?” Cuddlesround asked.
“You get the basic idea,” Gregory said hastily, the image of the earnest Undulate deliberately spraining something in the interest of cross-species communication popping into his head, “but it is a story of an injury you need to offer up, and the more of you telling stories the more likely the human is to offer up a story of their own.”
“That’s a natural flow,” the Undulate observed.
“Yeah,” Gregory said with a laugh, “even before I specialized in the medical field it seemed like every conversation I had with my friends ended up turning to what traumatic injuries we had gotten. You just have to remember to direct the conversation to current injuries without making it obvious.”

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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 165 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
​

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
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 Humans are Weird – Not Anymore


A frigid and bitter wind was ripping down the slate gray rocks of the mountain side as the second wing fought it way up to the observation outpost. The Wing Commander felt his comm buzz an alert and hesitated a moment. His own stamina was more than adequate to make it at least half a flight further, but he glanced back at his wing. The older members were gritting their teeth, their lips tight with strain. The younger members, including his small Wingsecond, were flapping twice as fast as was strictly necessary to stay aloft in the wind. Even if he wasn’t cold the younger ones with their lower masses would be. He got his Wingsecond’s attention with a few chirps. It worried him that it took more than one, Seventh Trill must be colder and less responsive than he thought, but once he had the Wingsecond’s attention it was a matter of seconds to direct the flight down into the lee of a boulder.
“How is everyone staying aloft?” he asked.
There was a chorus of grunts and snarls from the old heads and a general chittering about the cold from the younger members of the flight. The Wing Commander resisted the urge to chew his winghooks while he pondered their options.
“Sir?” a particularly gregarious young comms technician piped up. “Isn’t there a human base just over that ridge there?”
It was less than a rhetorical question. The entire flight knew that the humans kept their main alpine-aquatic research station in that valley and every ear perked up at the obviously popular suggestion. The image of the bulky but lightweight coats the humans wore, the ones with copious amounts of space between the insulating layers and the massive heat-well of the mammals’ trunk for a Winged to crawl into was a soaring idea. The Wing Commander heaved a sigh as he prepared to shoot it down.
“Yes,” he said, “in fact I read in their reports just this morning that they are going to spend the entire day out in the water doing surveys.”
Nearly half of the flight drooped in disappointment at that and the Wing Commander saw the murmurs radiate out as those who knew described the skin-tight insulation the humans wore, and how even the humans’ massive heat-well would run dry under the constant flow of the thermal conductive water. However he himself perked up as he recalled the rest of the report.
“We should head in that direction anyway,” he said. “Observing the Range of Radiation just sent in a report that the compost heap the humans prepared for him at the summer solstice is finally fully functional.”
The murmuring took on a slightly elevated tone. The moist heat of a compost pile was not exactly the same as sharing a fellow mammal’s warmth, but it was far better than huddling in the lee of a boulder trying to wring enough heat out of chemical heating packs. They took off again and drew into a tight formation to face the gusts as they went over the crest of the ridge. Only a few of the smallest were blown off course but they were back in formation as they dropped down into the valley and heard the distant roaring of the rapids that tingled their sensory horns. The Wing Commander knew that technically Observing the Range of Radiation began at the edge of the scrubby gray groundcover, but he was also aware that the massive Gathering either couldn’t, or didn’t choose to, speak to anyone until the small shrubs began. Either way what they needed was heat so the Wing Commander led them straight to a small hanging valley tucked up on a south facing slope. They flew in and came to a hover above a large mound, and waited.
“Greetings Sleeping Leaves,” a deep resounding voice set the detritus on top of the mound dancing.
“Greetings Observing the Range of Radiation,” the Wing Commander returned. “May we share your warmth on this windy day.”
“My own warmth is very deep today,” Observing the Range of Radiation stated. “Perhaps you would prefer the new pile the humans’ so thoughtfully built for me.”
The Wing Commander shot a look at the steaming pile of leaves and detritus and gave a quick nod to his wing. In a flicker they had darted over and burrowed into the mass. The Wing Commander and a large old diplomat lingered a few beats longer.
“Thank you,” the Wing Commander said.
“I am pleased to be of aid,” Observing the Range of Radiation said. “I am pleased to that you came at this angle.”
“He means the time of day,” the old diplomat translated at the Wing Commander’s blank look.
The Wing Commander chirped with interest.
“What is happening?” he asked politely, he guessed solar flares, it usually was solar flare patterns with Observing the Range of Radiation.
“The humans will be testing the new transportation equipment on the great scattering today,” the slow voice said.
Of course anything that involved the humans was more interesting than otherwise but the Wing Commander wasn’t quite sure what about it sent a chill along his sensory horns, that is until the muttering of the diplomat suddenly broke into a shocked squawk.
“The great scattering!” the diplomat yelped out. “That set of class seven rapids! Their order of the water craft-”
“By the mother tree!” the Wing Commander snarled. “Where? When-”
He cut himself off and flicked a winghook at the diplomat to silence him. The Wing Commander took a deep breath and gritted his teeth. Observing the Range of Radiation was humming in perplexity at them.
“Where are the humans?” the Wing Commander asked, forcing himself to speak slowly.
“You would understand the data they sent us far better than I would,” Observing the Range of Radiation stated, “but they told me to watch for them at this angle of sun from my new pile.”
“Thank you!” the Wing Commander said and darted over to the pile with the diplomat following him.
He burrowed into the warmth and called for the medic and the range finder.
“Are you okay sir?” the medic asked with concern.
“What’s the best view of the class seven rapids we can get from this pile?” the Wing Commander demanded of the range finder.
The range finder blinked in surprise and pointed a winghook.
“Anywhere in the top quarter of the south side of the pile offers a wonderful view of them,” he said. “That’s where most of the wing is positioned. It’s also the warmest side at the moment.”
The Wing Commander darted out of the warm pile and flew around to position himself. He scanned the river that ran down the valley upstream of the rapids. The diplomat was spreading the explanation to the rest of the wing. It was only moments later when someone whistled out that they had spotted the humans.
Each of the humans was encased from neck to waist in the skintight thermal insulation, but this looked different, thicker than usual. Their heads were encased in full helmets that looked more appropriate to deep space than a fully habitable planet. Their lower halves were folded into the watercraft they called kayaks and the gripped the water-wings they called paddles in their hands.
“Hold,” the Wing Commander ordered to the several flight members he could hear preparing to take off. “We couldn’t get down there fast enough to do anything if this goes wrong. It will be best to get warm and be ready to report anything to the main human base.”
There was a muttering of horror as the humans raced faster and faster towards the rapids and then they were among the rocks. The kayaks and the humans in them were tossed into the air, thrown against boulders with force that made every winged wince, and repeatedly submerged under water. The class seven rapids were long, but the humans eventually came out the other end landed their craft on the bank. A sigh of relief ran through the wing as the watched the humans get out of the craft and stretch on the bank they began to discuss what had possessed the normally staid researchers to take such a risk. This was interrupted by a chime from the communications unit the young comm officer was carrying.
“Isn’t that their signal?” the old diplomat demanded, gesturing at the humans far below on the bank of the river.
“It is,” the comm officer said with a confused wrinkling of his nose. “They must have a portable datanode with them. They updated the geo-database. Those,” he indicated the rapids are now class six rapids?”
“Do they give an explanation?” The Wing Commander asked.
“They only added, due to technological advancements,” the comm officer said, staring down at the bright yellow figures below them.
The wing watched the humans climb back into their kayaks and take off further down the river.
A massive sigh ran through them as they hunkered back down into the warmth of the pile.
“The humans are always worth watching are they not.” the soft voice of the Gathering asked.  
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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 165 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
​

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
AMAZON

 Humans are Weird – Screams


“Yes,” Third Flap said, slicking back the fur between his sensory horns, “we are quite pleased with how well the humans have integrated into our base.”
“There has been no issues with the necessary exclusion?” Prince Trill asked.
The two of them were flapping around the main pillars of the base, enjoying the afternoon thermals and Third Flap had decided to give the visiting monarch an impromptu tour of the colony’s facilities. The scraggly things that mimicked trees were nothing to inspire the same awe as the deep forests back home, but the sturdy buildings carved into the arid landscape had its own sort of beauty.
“Not the slightest,” Third Flap said with a contented smile. “First of all the humans understand on a very visceral level that they are far too large to fit into the old, pre-contact infrastructure second we have been making every effort to involve them virtually. There is a virtual tour available for their three-dimensional imaging system that not only allows them to explore every section of the base one of us can reach, but integrates the live security feeds where that is practicable.”
Third Flap paused in his description and gave a chuckle.
“It has even come in practical on some very unexpected levels,” he said. “A class five vial of hazardous material was misplaced and the humans used the virtual system to help us find it.”
“Ah yes,” Prince Trill said with a slow nod, “I read that report. The system they developed using the cleaning drones was quite innovative. I meant to ask you for a personal telling of the story.”
“I would be more than pleased to!” Third Flap agreed. “The humor alone makes it worth the telling.”
“A colony threatening virus was almost lost,” Prince Trill observed in a dry tone, “and you mention the humor first?”
“Almost!” Third Flap announced with a cheerful chitter of his teeth. “Wonderful word that. Well, as the humans say-”
From the massive window they were passing came an agonized groan that vibrated them to their horntips and Third Flap, paused waiting for the sound to cease before finishing.
“-no one bled, no one died, time to move on!”
He was several flaps past the window before he realized that Prince Trill had darted to the frame and was scratching at the control panel. Third Flap circled around and landed beside the visiting prince. He wondered how loudly it was permissible to clear your throat at royalty not currently in the canopy.
“Prince Trill,” Third Flap inquired. “Why are you using your override codes to open a random office window?”
“Are you deaf?” Prince Trill demanded, shooting him a frantic look.
“I am not,” Third Flap said slowly, trying to project calm without seeming condesending.
“Didn’t you hear that scream?” Prince Trill demanded as the window slowly began to glide open.
Third Flap wrinkled his nose in confusion.
“I heard a groan,” he said.
The prince gaped at him a moment in confusion before shaking his head and gesturing into the office building.
“We need to find out who made that!” he insisted.
“Why?” Third Flap asked.
The prince only glared at him and took off into the room before the window seemed half wide enough. Third Flap sighed and hopped the humans in side had a decent sense of humor. He hopped up and followed the monarch. The artificially cool air of the office stung his sensory horns a bit as he paused to trigger the closing setting on the window. Humans, especially ones struggling with data processing at the end of a long day did not like their micro environments messed with.
Third Flap found a very confused Prince Trill perched on the frame of the overhead lights. The royal was glancing around, presumably looking for the source of what he termed the scream. Third Flap landed beside him and lifted a wing to point at a younger, female human working furiously away at one of the mapping stations. Prince Trill glanced at him in perplexity but followed the gesture with his eyes.
“That is the human who made the sound,” Third Flap explained. “She is one of our best botanists. Sadly she ships out at the end of the season. She is finalizing her mapping efforts now.”
“How do you know that it was her?” Prince Trill asked, “and shouldn’t we offer aid?”
“I am fairly certain,” Third Flap said, “because that was a mapping software groan and she is the only one using mapping software.”
“Excuse me?” Prince Trill asked, gaping at him now.
Third Flap sighed and shrugged.
“I have been managing the base for these humans for nearly ten local years,” he said. “Over that time you learn the basic categories of human sounds of suffering. The sound you heard was some error, either on the human’s part or the machine’s, that resulted in the loss of a significant quantity of work mapping data.”
“You can tell that,” Prince Trill demanded, “just from the sound?”
Third Flap shrugged again.
“You could confirm if you like,” he said gesturing at the human, “but as there is every likely-hood she will be ashamed of a personal error-”
“No, no,” Prince Trill assured him. “I can she that she is the most agitated of the humans present, just-”
He glanced at Third Flap with something of awe and something of pitying horror in his expression.
“That is an impressive skill you have there.”
“Humans tied to data processing machines are somewhat predictable,” he replied with a shrug.  

Please go and leave a new rating and review on my 2nd book! 
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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 165 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
​

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
AMAZON