Humans are Weird –
​A Little Slice


The clear, mineral poor waters of the mountain stream flowed briskly over Shuffelsalong as he worked his way upstream back to base. The local sun had not yet begun to set and the small invertebrates that claimed the surfaced he was moving over shone and glittered as they scurried out of his way. The rocks comprising the bed of the stream were rounded and smooth and often shifted under the double drawing force of his own mass and the pressing of the current calling for all of his now flagging strength. Then too the water was cold at this elevation and it seemed to be sapping his strength faster than he had calculated.
“Should we call for a pickup?” his companion asked.
Shuffelsalong flicked a trailing appendage in consideration but finally decided in the negative.
“We are almost to the eddies,” he explained, pointing to the sandy area of the stream bed in front of him. “That should give us enough drift to make it back before we get too cold.”
His companion signaled his agreement and they kept on. As Shuffelsalong had expected they were soon swept up into the eddies along the bank. Not only were they no longer fighting the current, the waters warmed as they recirculated in the sunlight and they were soon swimming comfortably along. Soon enough the waters began to resound with the thumping of the humans’ footsteps and then the general chaotic sounds of the camp.
Shuffelsalong spotted the main slide down to the water and happily swarmed up the chute to the level ground of the campsite. The sounds were immediately muffled in the air but the humans’ chattering was now clear and understandable as their shadows passed over the fronds that formed the Undulates travel tunnels.
“Has anyone seen our entomologists?” the deep resonating voice of their crew leader called out.
“Not as such,” a slightly higher pitched voice called out, “but given how the ferns and shuffling out there I’d say they are close but cold!”
Shuffelsalong felt a warm glow at the observation. Their human crewmates were as thoughtful and observant a pod as one could wish. Any time a human commented that you looked “cold” was usually followed by multiple offers to pick you up and share their excess mammalian warmth with you. From the way his companion picked up speed the thought of a good “grab and cuddle” was foremost in his gripping appendages too after their long cold swim. The light grew in intensity as they made their way into the thinner fronds of the camp and then they burst out into the cleared area the humans massive feet had stomped down.
“Got ‘em!” came a cheerful shout and sure enough two rough hands swept out of no where and scooped Shuffelsalong off of the ground.
“Got any samples to drop Shuff?” Human Friend Cookie asked.
“The usual cluster,” Shuffelsalong replied. “Just drop me in the thermal gradient tank. I will sort them after dinner.”
“Sure thing Shuff,” Human Friend Cookie agreed.
With only a few of those long, never-ending tumbles the humans called steps they were at the water tank that was divided into distinct thermal areas. One side, by far the smaller, was kept at the same ambient temperature as the local stream, the other was kept at a nice comfortable temperature as a sleeping quarters for the Undulates on the crew. Shuffelsalong shifted, preparatory to dropping his samples into the storage area but had some difficulty as Human Friend Cookie was angling his hands oddly, preventing Shuffelsalong’s usual grip. Shuffelsalong was about to politely request Human Friend Cookie to extend his asymmetrical finger, the one that served humans as a primary gripping appendages with all its useful roughness when something else odd finally penetrated his cold addled senses.
Human Friend Cookie’s lights were spiked with bright pain signals. They were small, but localized to the retracted digit. Shuffelsalong felt a bit closer to the place with a touch of worry and detected the chemical traces of internal fluids, stress hormones, and the artificial taste of bandages. Clearly whatever was wrong Human Friend Cookie had already had it tended to. Shuffelsalong made a note to ask about the injury later and then dropped his samples into the storage area and slipped himself into the warm waters of his tank. Once he was sufficiently warmed he swam up and eagerly clambered out with the others towards the prepared meals.
“What is in our trough tonight?” He asked eagerly of an Undulate who had clearly just left the meal.
“Spinach slurry!” the other replied with delighted tones.
“But we had spinach slurry yesterday,” Shuffelsalong protested, “and that gave off a completely different chemical profile.”
“It is all in the preparation,” the other said. “You can ask Human Friend Cookie about it. There was heat I think. Just taste it for yourself.”
Shuffelsalong took this good advice and shuffled up to the trough. There was a lot of heat in this meal. The trough was sending up little wisps of steam into the air as Human Friend Cookie dispensed more of the brilliant green slurry into the trough. The steam was laden with aromatic chemicals that set Shuffelsalong’s absorbent fibers tingling with anticipation.
However now that Shuffelsalong was warm and alert he could clearly see that Human Friend Cookie’s main gripping appendage was swathed in layers of bandages and Shuffelsalong felt a tremor of slight unease even as he complimented the spinach slurry, which was utterly dissimilar from the subtle and cool meal of yesterday. The bandages on Human Friend Cookie’s hand were unevenly, even asymmetrically applied. This would not have bothered Shuffelsalong in the slightest, had he not had to trudge through a long lecture Second Sister had given on how important symmetrical bandage application was to species with circulatory systems, and the more advanced the circulatory system the greater the need of symmetrical application. As soon as the meal was over Shuffelsalong waved down Human Friend Cookie and climbed up his leg.
“Was the meal that good or that bad?” Human Friend Cookie asked with a laugh.
“You are injured,” Shuffelsalong said.
He noted with quiet amusement first the look of confusion on Human Friend Cookie’s face, with spread into thoughtful consideration, and then understanding. Despite the clear pain signals his injured appendage was sending out clearly the massive central processing cluster had chosen to ignore the damage signals.
“Yeah, I sliced my thumb preparing the meal,” Human Friend Cookie admitted. “I don’t think I got any blood on the spinach though.”
“While that would be a potential concern,” Shuffelsalong stated, “I was drifting more towards the idea that you have not reported this idea to Second Sister yet.”
Human Friend Cookie burst into a loud laugh at that.
“Now what makes you think I didn’t run right to our medic with this?” the human demanded waving the crude bandage in front of Shuffelsalong.
Why humans always moved what they wanted you to consider Shuffelsalong would never understand.
“No Shatar medic would have ever applied a bandage that haphazardly,” Shuffelsalong stated, earning another burst of laughter from Human Friend Cookie.
“Fair enough,” Human Friend Cookie agreed. “I sliced more than halfway though the end of my thumb, wasn’t paying attention I guess, took a chunk of the nail off, but it was still pretty well attached, and that part of us humans does grow back even if it won’t reattach, so I just wrapped it up good and kept on.”
“I didn’t know any human appendages would just regenerate,” Shuffelsalong said with surprise.
“It’s just skin and a little gristle,” Human Friend Cookie said with a shrug as Shuffelsalong examined the bandaged area with curiosity. “Not worth bothering Second Sister.”
“Human Friend Cookie,” Shuffelsalong said, trying to sound more firm than curious. “I must insist you report this injury according to protocol.”
“Do you report every time something takes a nick out of your appendages?” Human Friend Cookie demanded.
“Would you like to see my daily reports?” Shuffelsalong asked, raising his lagging appendages up in a challenging gesture in the general direction of Human Friend Cookie’s face.
The human hesitated and then heaved a sigh. He turned and began walking towards the medical tent.
“Waste of time if you ask me,” he grumbled.
“It is protocol,” Shuffelsalong stated.
“It’s annoying,” the human countered as he ducked his massive frame to enter the tent. “Hey Sis, gotta thing on my thumb for you to record.”
The medic stood up from her couch to greet them and clicked her mandibles in a comforting sound as they approached.
“I presume it is the one you bandaged yourself?” she asked, her antenna curling in the direction of the bandages.
“That’s the one,” he agreed.
“Please put it under the scanner,” she said after examining the bandages.
Shuffelsalong noted her antenna flick with annoyance at the tangle of mixed natural and synthetic fibers but she maintained her professionalism.
“How long ago did the burn occur?” she asked.
“Isn’t a burn,” Human Friend Cookie corrected her.
“Then what-” her voice cut off as the scanner projected a hologram of the human’s appendage.
Shuffelsalong stared in interest. Just as Human Friend Cookie had said the end of his appendage had been sliced nearly through and was now only held onto the rest by a thin connection of living tissue and the compression of the bandage. Shuffelsalong was calculating how long it would take him to regenerate that mass when the suddenly silent Second Sister leapt to her feet, and darted to the door of the tent. She slapped the control surface that sealed the tent and activated the emergency beacon.
“Hold up!” Human Friend Cookie called out. “No need to call in the chopper for a little nick-”
The Shatar medic rotated her triangular head to stare at him, her frill flushed green with a mix of horror and anger and her antenna curling and uncurling alertly.
“You-” her standard words broke off into the clicks of her mother language and she simply snatched up one of the medical marking bands and advanced on Human Friend Cookie.
“Hey!” Human Friend Cookie yelped, backing away from the medic. “Not a bed-rest tag! It’s just a finger! I wouldn’t need a bed-rest tag even if I’d cut it off clean! Shuff! Back me up here.”
“I am quit sorry Human Friend Cookie,” Shuffelsalong said, gently patting his friend’s shoulder. “I make it a policy to never quarrel with a medic who outweighs me.”
Second Sister sprang, wrapped all four of her feet around one of Human Friend Cookie’s thighs for leverage, which quite effectively unbalanced the giant mammal and used his moment of confusion to secure the medical band around his wrist.
“You will wait here until the medical evacuation arrives,” she snapped out in standard. “You have nearly severed and entire finger’s end off! It is a miracle you didn’t bleed to death!”
“But-” Human Friend Cookie tried to protest, but she cut him off with a wave of her hand.
“No!” Second Sister snapped. “You are not an Undulate or a Gathering! You will rest here until I can hand you over to the human medics! The tent is sealed, I keep all of my cutting implements secured to my bio code, and even your impressive strength cannot burst out of the fabric. We will wait here.”
With that she stalked over to her couch and began examining the scanner readout intently. The human and the Undulate observed her in bemused silence.
“I did not realize Second Sister had so much experience with how to effectively manage humans,” Shuffelsalong observed.
Human Friend Cookie only snorted and dropped down onto the chair.
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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 165 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
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QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
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 Humans are Weird – Creatures of the Deep


“Are you absolutely certain this is the best current to follow?” Touchesgently asked as the two Undulates huddled together in the ventilation shaft of the main boat shed.
Beneath them the rough lapping of the waves against the sand, the clicking of the boats against the docks, and the creaking of the lines was interspersed with soft woofings of mammalian inquisitiveness and the scratching of spines on packing materials.
“No,” her companion replied with listless ambivalence in his touch. “No, not in the least.”
“Then why are we doing this?” Touchesgently demanded.
“Because no one else in the entire farm complex has any better idea,” Prodsfirmly replied, “and something must be done for him.”
“This is true,” Touchesgently agreed as the person in question came into the covered area headed for the crates by the edge of the water. “We owe him so much-”
Her statement faded out as Human Friend Darryl entered the room below them, his eyes on the datapad in his hand and his feet rattling across the drainage grates of the flooring. He was wearing the Ranger uniform that was, so far as Tochesgently understood the uses and patterns of clothing, only used by humans on Undulate worlds of higher than average temperature. Only the broad soles of his feet were fully shielded, these shields were held on with crossing straps that barely reached his ankles. Formed cloth covered the great joints where his lower appendages met his trunk and this was topped with a wide circular radiation shield. Tochesgently thought that there was supposed to be a cloth sheath covering the cage of muscle and bone the humans called a torso, but she had never seen Human Friend Darryl wear one.
“It is like a war of tides,” Prodsfirmly stated, grief and no little horror in his touch.
Touchesgently had to agree. The uniform, and how Human Friend Darryl wore it, gave them an unusually thorough view of his colors. When he had first come to the algae farms he had positively glowed with joy and eagerness. Just his presence was enough to boost the moods of everyone around and fill them with delight. The younger podlings had covered beach after beach in their attempt to capture the play of his colors when he was hauling the boats against the fantastic friction of the sand, or lightly tossing the heaviest predator traps into position.
Even the time he had nearly died from attempting to eat the captured predators that had “looked kinda like jumbo shrimp” had been...if not a joyous occasion at least an entertaining one. His skin had flushed terrifying colors for days afterwards as it had struggled to expel the toxins; terrifying, but beautiful.
Then had come the long haul Shatar freighter with their supplies and messages. Their first oddity had been when the ship and pulled into a low geosynchronous orbit instead of just higher, energy saving one. Only Human Friend Darryl had taken that as a warning, stiffening and ever so slightly showing his teeth as his lights were suddenly shot through with dangerous warnings. The skiff had separated, personally delivering their ordered supplies and one particular message. Third Grandmother, nearly as tall as Human Friend Darryl even in her old age had escorted out her mate, tiny even by Shatar male standards, but with gently curling antenna and a wealth of wisdom in his old eyes.
All this time Human Friend Darryl had been growing more quiet, and had been giving off more and more danger pheromones. Tochesgently had quietly ordered the podlings back to their pools, uncertain what the threat could possibly be, but not willing to ignore the instincts of the galaxy’s most advanced super-predator.
Third Grandfather and walked up to Human Friend Darryl and without a word had taken one of the human’s hands in his. Third Grandmother had, with a Shatar attempt at subtlety indicated that she wanted to discuss business with the Undulates and had led them some distance off. Either it was supposed to be a polite but meaningless gesture, or Third Grandmother, with her stubby antenna and lined frill, had no idea what the Undulates effective hearing range was, because they had all heard Third Grandfather gently inform Human Friend Darryl that his Second Brother had died.
Human Friend Darryl’s lights had drained from his body as if he had died standing on the beach in that moment. The sands still savored of the intense stress hormones where he had stood, but his face had gone stiff and as soon as Third Grandfather had finished giving the message Human Friend Darryl and abruptly turned and walked across the sand. The podlings who had witnessed this still whimpered about it. Human Friend Darryl had walked like a machine, like a malfunctioning AI he had spent half the night stacking and sorting the next season predator traps. A task that was so far down on their priority list that they wouldn’t have begun for weeks.
The next several weeks had been strange. There was no chance of sending Human Friend Darryl back to his home pool to mourn with his family. The Shatar ship was headed in the other direction. The farm’s own ships were barely rated to take a human to the nearest system. So Touchesgently had determined to help the human mourn as best they could. She had assumed that their many similarities would make this fairly easy.
Humans shared grief through touch and loved podlings, but Human Friend Darryl gently repulsed the mature Undulates and flat out refused to go near the podlings.
“They don’t need to deal with this,” he stated gesturing at his exposed skin.
Touchesgently reluctantly had to agree. The dead look was gone most of the time, however what had replaced it was, as Prodsfirmly had just observed, like a war of the tides. Colors that could only be grief would creep out from his core, only to be pushed by swathes of rage, which would in turn be washed out by sickly guilt, and then all of it spiked through with irritation. It was as if some stringy emotional algae had gotten into Human Friend Darryl’s system and had created putrefying eddies where emotions should flow freely.
Humans were supposed to cry in their grief. The physiology books were very clear about that. The intense fight or flight hormones that kept humans alive on a world where the three most cultivated fauna were two apex predators and an herbivore that could and did kill both of them were not meant to linger in the human brain. Cleansing these out was the purpose of shedding that much water, but Human Friend Darryl had not shed a single tear.
This situation could not go on. Touchesgently had researched what could be done and the suggested remedy seemed not only dangerous, but quite frankly mad. However it did make sense in a barbaric sort of way...a very human sort of way. So she had put in an order to one of the farms farther north that was experimenting with a more bioactive approach to clearing the algae predators out of the pools. Now here they were, hiding like mischievous podlings as Human Friend Darryl approached the crate the drone had brought them.
The human stopped two meters from the crate and tilted his head to get a better angle on the sounds emitting from the crate.
“The frack?” he muttered.
Human Friend Darryl examined the warnings on the exterior of the crate and moved in obvious perplexity to erect the safety fence around the crate before opening the message attached to the top.
“My name is Cuddles?” Human Friend Darrly read aloud. “I am a poor, helpless, little orphan who will have to be put down unless you can adopt me and raise me to be a good genetic backup for the domestication process.”
Touchesgently was quite proud of the message. She had spent three days pooring over human psychology texts to make it as appealing as possible. Even now the sickly war of emotions written across Human Friend Darryl’s skin was being replaced by the faint promise of healthy perplexity. He crouched over the crate and opened it. At first nothing happened, then something round and furry, with four forward facing eyes crept out, and out, and out, and out of the crate. The eyes were deep black and luminous with flecks of silver. The fur was a soft golden brown. The skin was loose and wrinkly. The body was impossibly long.
“A baby seal-snake?” Human Friend Darryl demanded in shock. “What are you doing hear little guy?”
He glanced at the message again, as if hoping it would tell him something new. Then the seal-snake, a very social being, having not a single predator avoidance gene in its body, gave a painful distress cry and humped forward to butt its head against Human Friend Darryl’s leg. It’s four large eyes sought out the human’s two and when it had eye contact it gently rubbed its head against his leg.
Human Friend Darryl stared down at the creature as if it had stunned him, and almost mechanically, reached down to stroke the round head. Somewhere between its origin and completion the motion failed however and pure, clean grief burst over Human Friend Darryl’s skin. His massive lungs gasped for air and he collapsed into a crouch over the baby seal-snake. The creature was startled at first, but immediately began nuzzling the human. Human Friend Darryl wrapped his arms around the impossibly long body and held it to himself tenderly as his body was wracked with sobs.
“Is this the reaction we were hoping for?” Prodsfirmly asked.
“Close enough for government work as the humans say,” Touchesgently said as they began to sneak away.  

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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 155 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
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QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $50 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
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I Will Make You Stronger - Gen Narumi's Heroic Sacrifice and Act of True Love
https://youtu.be/P3DNMUcJaUs
#ShonenJump #KaijuNO8 #KN8 #manga #Shinomiya

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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 155 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
​

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $50 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
AMAZON
​

​

 Humans are Weird – Storm Watching


“Why did we even bother building a base on the land anyway?” Rollsaround asked as he absorbed the dim light filtering through the wide windows of the base.
The windows gave an impressive view of what the humans in their generosity called a “coastline”. Instead of gently undulating coral beds easing down into the water the glittering volcanic rock dropped abruptly from the graminoid covered highlands and dove down dozens of meters to where it usually met the heaving surface of the water below. Today however the water had seemingly decided to express its objections to the separation and was attempting to scale the cliffs in massive waves. The base vibrated from the force of a gust of wind and Rollsaround hunkered deeper into his mineral bath.
“Do you require another introduction of thermal-loaded water?” Tenth Cousin asked from where she perched on a Shatar couch, reading something that was supposed to be very masculine poetry from her homeworld.
“I do not,” Rollsaround reassured her. “I was just reacting negatively to the storm.”
She tilted her head to examine the weather conditions with a thoughtful set to her antenna.
“I think it is a pleasant change,” she said. “The harsh, unfiltered lights of the suns here means that we have no real night. The clouds at lest allow the illusions of dusk, and the wind overhead is not entirely unlike breezes in Father’s canopy if you can focus your attention on some pleasant task.”
“Well if we can’t go outside during clear weather without protection due to the radiation,” Rollsaround grumbled, “and we can’t go outside in stormy weather due to the, well, the storm, I say we should have just built a floating base that we could submerge during storm weather.”
“There is perhaps logic in that,” Tenth cousin agreed, and very deliberately tilted her head back to the poetry.
Rollsaround drooped his leading appendages over the edge of the bowl and absorbed the storm light in a slightly sulky mood. The airlock cycled open and Third Sister stepped in with the brisk stride that Rollsaround had noticed that high ranking sisters only used when they were looking for someone who had committed some infraction. Tenth Cousin brought the poem up closer to her face and started moving her mandibles as if she was completely focused on sounding out the words. Third Sister tilted her head the examine the cousin and then abruptly swiveled her body to focus on Rollsaround.
“First Ecologist,” she began, “do you know First Mechanic’s current location? The exterior vents in my lab require percussive maintenance.”
“He is off shift by now,” Rollsaround said. “You should check the washrooms and his quarters.”
However even as he offered this sound advice Rollsaround felt a ripple of unease. Human Friend Conner almost never went to his quarters after his shift. He was highly social, even by human standards and usually came to the main room to chat first thing.
“I have already checked both of those locations,” Third Sister stated. “He is not there and he is not answering his comm.”
Rollsaround mulled over that. Clearly Third Sister needed to find the human. An improperly vented laboratory in such a base as theirs was a serious health risk.
“Have you checked the storage areas?” he asked.
“I did a ping for his comm,” she replied, “but it is not reading as in the base at all so I could not locate the room he was in. I was surprised as I didn’t think we had any shielding strong enough to block the comm signal in the base-”
She cut off as Rollsaround suddenly surged up out of his mineral bath and crawled out of it.
“What is the matter First Ecologist?” Third Sister asked in confusion.
“He has gone out for a walk,” Rollsaround said, forgetting in his rush to add emotional undertones to his words.
“Out?” Third Sister demanded, her antenna going lax with confusion.
“Out to watch the storm from withing the wind currents,” Rollsaround explained.
“How do you gather that?” Third Sister demanded.
“He has described storm watching on his homeworld to me,” Rollsaround explained as he opened the hatch to the sub floor currents. “He also mentioned what he thought the perfect storm watching spot would be on these cliffs. That spot is behind enough rocks to block the signal. Now if you will excuse me I am going to go fetch him.”
“He has broken regulations!” Third Sister clicked, her frill flashing red with alarm.
“That on a secondary vine,” Tenth Cousin interjected as she came up to them. “The same regulations apply to you First Ecologist! The wind-”
“I am rated as fully wind resistant under these conditions,” Rollsaround said with a dismissive wave, “one of the perks of not being built like a windmill.”
“Your thermal mass-” Tenth Cousin tried again.
“I am fully warmed at the moment and I will turn back if my core temperature drops too low,” he interjected again. “Now if there are no further objections?”
Without waiting for their objections he dropped down into the sub-floor current and tapped the control panel to direct the current to the main outlet. He bundled his appendages and let himself be swept into the cold, but fresh exterior water. He bumped up against the smooth rise of the outlet and edged up out of the water. The wind was powerful. He could feel it tug at him if he raised a gripping appendage high, but at least over the main path there were eddies along the ground that were so comparatively we that he couldn’t even feel them. He began shuffling at top speed along the path. A the crest of the first high spot the winds did hit him, shoving his body sideways. However, as he had expected it required barely a fraction of his strength to grip the path firmly with his set appendages as he moved the free appendages forward. It barely even slowed him down, the roar of it was rather disconcerting when it wasn’t muted by the base walls however. He did wonder how the human had made it this far. After a long steady shuffle he rounded the corner that was blocking the signal and spotted a tall figure down at the cliff’s edge that wasn’t normally there.
Rollsaround activated the comm he was holding pressed against the ground. There was a significant delay before the human responded.
“Human Friend Conner,” Rollsaround said, trying to put firmness in his tones. “Come now and carry me back to the base. I am at the crest of the hill looking down at you.”
There was an odd sound from the comm that suggested the human was trying to say something back, but human speaking organs were not optimized for shielding the microphone of a comm while speaking so the human simply gave two short radio bursts and the tall figure on the cliff’s edge began swaying back and forth as it moved towards the path. Rollsaround anchored himself more fully against the blasts and watched in grim interest as the gusts blew the tall human form to one side and then the other as the human struggled up the path.
When Human Friend Conner finally did reach him the human didn’t bother speaking. He just reached down with a grin and tried to lift the Undulate off of the path. For one long moment Rollsaround hung on to the ground in a show of strength. He wasn’t sure if it would impress the human but a little dominance display did seem called for. He let go when the look of perplexity fully formed on the humans face but before he could give a more powerful tug and they headed back to the base.
Being carried over a meter above the ground in this wind was another experience altogether. The swaying of the human in the wind felt far wilder than it had looked, and Rollsaround found himself clutching tightly to the human’s coat as the wind tried to rip him away. They finally made the base airlock and stepped through to the blessedly still air. Rollsaround dropped to the floor and shook the cold water off of himself.
“I think Third Sister would like a word with you,” he said.
Granted she would probably want a word with him too, but Human Friend Conner didn’t need to know that.  
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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 151 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
​

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $50 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
AMAZON

​Why Did Ben Adler Betray Scarecrow - What Went Wrong in Their Relationship
https://youtu.be/pHlCRcBCHlc
#LostinSpace2018 #BenAdler #Scarecrow #DangerWillRobinson #Robot

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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 151 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
​

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $50 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
AMAZON
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 Humans are Weird – Tell


The soft clicking of chitinous membranes on the screen of a data pad was the only audible sound in the room. The still soft morning light was beginning to filter through the vines that covered the east windows of Second Sister’s office. The air was rich with both the moisture favored by the Shatar and the unavoidable airborne biota that thrived in the humid environs. All told it was a comfortable morning and the primary occupant of the bottomless stone urn the vines grew out was was very content with his decision to forgo full dormancy this cold cycle.
Listens to the Winds idly considered whether or not it would be worth it to tighten up his current vocal fibers or if he should just reintegrate them into in central thought mass and grow a new set. The old set had begun to make inadvertent scratching and vibrating noises. It would take several local days for him to grow a new set, and he had never been skilled at managing more than one pair of vocal fibers. Most sapient species seemed to find the doubled vibrations that resulted from accidentally using two, poorly aligned sets of vocal fibers disturbing. The humans especially recoiled from it, calling it ‘zombie feedback’. Listens to the Winds had just decided to start reabsorbing the old vocal chords when Second Sister gave an absent click.
“May I help you Second Sister?” Listens to the Winds asked, stirring his center of mass and mounding up to peek over the edge of the urn.
“Are you able to observe the exterior of the campus?” Second Sister asked without looking up from the grant request she was writing.
“Oh yes,” Listens to the Winds replied, trying to put eager undertones into the clicks and hisses of the Shatar language.
It was rather difficult to make the old fibers snap for a proper click.
“I can quickly reroute enough photo sensitive biofilm to be able to observe anything you need me too.”
“Do you have a quantitative value for quickly?” Second Sister asked.
“Three minutes, give or take,” Listens to the Winds replied.
“Excellent,” the Shatar said.
Despite the positive connotations of the word she did not exactly look pleased. Her frill was half raised in determination, as if she was preparing herself for a hivebound conflict of some sort. Listens to the Winds wondered if one of the younger cousins was feeling her hormones stirring.
“Please observe First Horticulturist as she travels from her personal rooms to the head-house,” Second Sister ordered.
“What am I observing for?” Listens to the Winds asked.
“I want you to listen to the tread of her footsteps first of all,” Second Sister stated. “Let me know if she is stepping out freely, with confidence, or if she her step is overly controlled. Then, if it is overly controlled, tell me if she is resting her hand, that is her upper primary appendage, firmly on the small of her back, her dorsal center of mass just above her primary lower joints.”
Listens to the Winds felt a small rustle of half amusement, half affront even as he sent the signals to deploy the biofilm that would catch the growing daylight and give him a clear view of that part of the grounds. He couldn’t really resent Second Sister for being so explicit in her descriptions, he had made some rather spectacular blunders when he had first arrived, but it was hardly necessary now. Out in the quad that was ringed round by the personal quarters of the mobile sapients of the base he ordered a node to release the chemicals that would quickly warm it and sent it gently above the frost line. The upper air was cold and he could feel the tissues in the node begin to cool and slow immediately. He directed more of heating chemical to the node, concentrating it into the tip and rounded the end into an orb. He spread the photosensitive biofilm over the surface of the orb and absorbed the view of the quad.
Ellen’s door was on the far side and as Second Sister had expected Ellen came out of her quarters moments later with a steady step. A far too steady step, Listens to the Winds quickly realized as he let his pressure sensing fibers that ran under the path absorb her rhythm. She was obviously mindfully controlling every step, something humans as a rule never did unless giving social displays, o if they were injured. Listens to the Winds waited patiently until she came into the focus range of the orb and clicked in affirmation.
“She has her hand placed exactly as you described,” and then a mischievous thrill ran through his fibers, “but do you have a quantitative value for quickly?”
Second Sister didn’t even bother responding to his question with words. She simply tilted her triangular head at him and laid her frill flat to her neck. Listens to the Winds deliberately gave a chuckle and she turned her attention to her comm unit.
“First Medic?” She called. “Please intercept First Horticulturist and inspect her for back pain and functionality limitations resulting from her injury yesterday. I strongly suspect you will need to order her back to her quarters to rest. Feel free to use my authority to do so.”
Second Sister turned off the comm and resumed typing.
“How do you know that she is not just cold stiff?” Listens to the Winds asked as he pulled the node back underground.
“She has a tell,” Second Sister said. “If she were merely cold stiff her hand would have been on the side of her hip-joint. As it was in the small of her back she was actively in pain.”
Listens to the Winds clicked in confirmation of the information and mulled over it.
“Why would she come into work if she was in debilitating pain?” Listens to the Winds asked after several moments.
“She has informed me that she goes a little stir crazy if she has to sit still for too long,” Second Sister explained. “She has also mentioned that this symptom is worse in the winter.”
“Would it be beneficial if I offered social interaction?” Listens to the Winds asked.
“Possibly,” Second Sister said, “but do remember to ask her permission over the comms before you grow up through the vents this time.”
“Yes,” Listens to the Winds agreed, “humans do tend to have negative reactions to hearing you in their walls at night. It is very odd.”


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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 151 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
​

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $50 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
AMAZON