Humans are Weird – Waaaow Waaaow Waaaow


“The critical point is that we maintain the proper moisture gradient for the other species,” Gesturesoddly said as he held up the data pad. “Even a human’s native micro-fauna is insufficient to defend them from the fungal growths on this planet if their feet are not kept in an exactly balanced moisture environment.”
The new quartermaster who was to replace Gesturesoddly was trying very hard to attend to what the older quartermaster was saying. However several of his appendages were drifting around trying to find the source of the pulsing sound that bled down from the atmosphere into their aquatic habitat. Gesturesoddly considered taking pity on him but decided that it would be counterproductive. If the new quartermaster was to be successful in his post he would have to learn how to deal with humans. The sooner he learned what input was safe to filter out and what was not the better. Gesturesoddly tightened his appendages a bit and continued to discuss the reasons that they maintained such an abrupt moisture gradient in the main base.
When the new quartermaster did finally interrupt he seemed to have taken the hint that the noise was unimportant and only asked about the Shatar.
“Yes,” Gesturesoddly said, letting his appendages twitch in discomfort. “That was our hubris I am afraid. Normally no hive would ever allow even a twentieth cousin to risk herself on a world this hazardous. They really have no defenses worth mentioning on the surface of their outer membranes and such a damp base as this would be off-limits. However we had been so successful with the humans the university sent us a Shatar biochemist. She got a mild abrasion on her foot, mild even by their standards, and the infection set in quickly. Very odd that, it wasn’t a fungus, it was a plant. The hive naturally snatched her back so quickly that we barely had time to finish sending them the report on her health. I hear they had to amputate the leg. The first medical amputation they have had to preform in generations. It was quite traumatic for the entire hive.”
The telling of the tragedy had almost distracted the new quartermaster from the sound but they were reaching the part of the briefing where they had to go and inspect the giant fans that were used the circulate the air past the dehumidifier systems. The new quartermaster posed the natural question about using such inefficient circulatory systems in favor of passive and thermal designs and Gesturesoddly gave a hum of approval.
“We want a lack of efficiency,” Gesturesoddly said. “The passive systems have no vibration. In the moist sections the fungus grow wild. In the dry sections the lichens latch on and grow constantly. The vibration keeps a large percentage of the biomatter from finding secure holds and that added to the chaotic air movements saves us hundreds of hours of cleaning. Even so we have to send in rotational scrub bots to scour the walls and treat them with elemental antibiotics on a regular basis.”
The new quartermaster asked about the human rumors and Gesturesoddly jiggled in a fit of humor.
“Oh, yes that is all quite true,” he said. “The humans get so attached to the cleaning bots. They have named the ones on this base Spinny MacSpinface and Ever Spinnin. Supposedly these sound patterns have ancient cultural meanings.”
They were reaching the source of the odd pulsing sounds and Gesturesoddly could tell that the new quartermaster was about to ask about the clearly non-mechanical noise. However he had timed their swim precisely and they came up just by the main vents where the giant circulation fans were placed. The fans were set into the wall on one side of what looked like a comically oversize dehumidifier system. The air was pulled in from outside through the side of a barrel and the centrifugal force of the air movement caused most of the particulate matter, seeds, spores, pollen and the like to fall to the biomass collectors below before the air was pulled through the fist of three filters. Then the are was dehumidified mechanically by a temperature gradient, passed through another filter for finer particulate matter, was dehumidified chemically, and passed through an activated carbon nano-tube system that worked on a molecular level before being re-humidified from the now clean water and forced out into the base through the three fans each with the diameter of a large Undulate with all his appendages spread for open ocean swimming.
“Of course,” Gesturesoddly went on, switching entirely to their native language of gestures and touches as the pulsing sound overwhelmed them in the open air, “it is all terribly expensive, but the main problems it counters are mostly long term so we could shuffle on for several weeks if it had even a catastrophic failure, and the humans assure us so long as the chemical dehumidifiers could be arranged in the inner rooms they would be fine.”
“Are they,” the new quartermaster asked tentatively as they observed the three humans hunched in front of the fans, “are they quite fine now? That is not, that cannot be any language.”
“Waaaoooowwww, waaaaaooowwww!” the humans chanted into the fans.
“They find casting sound at running fans and feeling the resonance it throws back entertaining,” Gesturesoddly said with a nicely human shrug. “It is one of their more harmless forms of entertainment. At least they have not strapped any knives to the vent cleaning robots.”
The new quartermaster stiffened in confused horror. Gesturesoddly waved his main appendages fondly at the chanting humans.
“Yet,” he finished.  






Humans are Weird: I Have the Data eBook by Betty Adams - 1230004645337 | Rakuten Kobo United States



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Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 40 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.

Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $50 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.

After nearly a week stuck in the Suez Canal the Ever Given's aft end is finally floating and free of the canal bank. Now they just have to free the bow end which will take some time still. 
Good work little tugs, dredging machines, and of course that brave little digger! 

Did you know that Walmart has an ebook section? I didn't. It's called Kobo.
​​
Humans are Weird: I Have the Data eBook by Betty Adams - 1230004645337 | Rakuten Kobo United States





​

Humans are Weird: I Have the Data: by Betty Adams, Adelia Gibadullina, Paperback | Barnes & Noble® (barnesandnoble.com)

Humans are Weird: I Have the Data by Betty Adams - Books on Google Play

Amazon.com: Humans are Weird: I Have the Data (9798588913683): Adams, Betty, Wong, Richard, Gibadullina, Adelia: Books
​


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 40 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.

Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $50 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.

​Edit:3/25/2021: update links

 Humans are Weird – They Aren’t There




“Now,” Base Commander Third Trill said as he shuffled his notes, “Ranger Radzik will be arriving shortly. Are we prepared?”
There was a soft susurration of agreement from the assembled department heads. The respective heads of the botany and water quality departments were huddled close gently talking over something, from the look of it the odd contaminant that was appearing around the landing field. The Undulates were concerned about the matter and the commander supposed that he would need to arrange a meeting to deal with their agitation next. He idly lifted a winghook to rub a sensory horn as he wondered why he had ever perused a command career track.
The door opened and the new Shatar Chief of Medicine walked in. She shifted her attention from the readout on her datapad and her antenna curled down into tight little coils. Her neck frill pulled down against her neck. The base commander braced himself for whatever she had found wrong with the situation.
“I was informed this was not a disciplinary hearing,” First Sister said.
“It is not!” The base commander replied quickly. “We have assembled to show our united concern for Ranger Radzik.”
“I brought my assistants too,” the head of invertebrate research said, “in case Human Friend Radzik requires mass cuddles!”
First Sister rotated her triangular head and her proboscis flicked out to clean her already spotless eyes in a gesture that one didn’t need to be a zeno-kinesics expert to understand was a gesture of exasperation. Finally, after several painful seconds where the base commander wondered if it would be acceptable to continue the briefing while their head medic remained standing in the middle of the room. The larger bodies species were sometimes touchy about physical position.
“As the chief medic,” First Sister finally said firmly, “I must order this meeting dispersed, and quite quickly, except for the base commander, myself, and possibly the moral officer, though I would suggest that the moral officer leave as well.”
There was a murmur of surprise and a few of the undulates raised an appendage in query.
“Leave quickly,” repeated First Sister. “The answers to any questions you have will, no doubt, be found in the human psyche profile under negative reactions to community inspection of emotional difficulties.”
The surprised murmur followed the various Winged as they flew out of the meeting room and the Undulates as they swam to the edge of their hydration pools and shuffled towards the doors. Base Commander Third Trill was very carefully keeping his fur smoothed down as he exchanged farewell greetings. He did not like having his authority challenged in this manner, but First Sister was an experienced medic who had spent almost the entirety of her civil service time among humans. If there was a reason to meet Ranger Radzik alone, instead in the comfort of his community, she would know of it. Before he could form the question however the human in question walked in. He gave a cheery wave to the departing undulates before striding up and straddling his long legs over an entire workstation designed for a Shatar.
“Base Commander, First Sister,” Ranger Radzik greeted them with words the a polite Shatar like rotation of his massive head.
He was a rather non-descriptive human. He had avoided any obvious scarring so far. He was of average height for the giants, average skin-tone, average fur density, average eye color, and even perfectly average tooth spacing. Except for the white of his teeth and eyes he was a near uniform shade a light brown. Quite frankly he would do quite well for an illustration of “Human” in a children’s book of the seven sapient species.
He sat there idly swinging his legs as they waited for the slowest of the Undulates to make his way out of the room. Base Commander Third Trill unobtrusively pulled up a separate report to work on while they waited. He had made several sentences of progress by the time the last Undulate made it out of the room.
“So what did you need to talk to me about?” Ranger Radzik asked.
The base commander flicked his datapad back to the issue at hand.
“We were concerned about your mental health Ranger Radzik,” he said.
The massive eyebrows rose in surprise and the human frowned.
“About what now?” he asked, a sudden wary tone in his voice.
The base commander gestured for First Sister to continue.
“It has been observed that you have displayed continual stress and discomfort indicators whenever you are outside of the base and for some time after you return,” First Sister said.
She flicked an antenna meaningfully at the base commander in what he took to be a reproachful gesture.
“As these displays,” she went on, “are of hunched shoulders, frequently checking your blind spot, and in general seem to be a response to an aerial predator we are actually less pressingly concerned for your mental health than the base commander makes it sound, other than that your mental health would, of course, be impacted by-”
She cut short the sentence and gave a vague gesture towards the door.
“By getting eaten by whatever it is I’m reacting to,” the human said with an understanding laugh.
“Several clusters of surveys reported no evidence of predator species,” Base Commander Third Trill said in confusion.
“Yeah, no,” Ranger Radzik said nodding his head. “You were right about it being a mental health thing.”
“What mental health thing produces the symptoms of sensing an aerial predator?” First Sister asked, curling one antenna down skeptically.
“It’s the mountains,” Ranger Radzik answered.
The base commander turned to look at Second Sister in confusion, but the doctor was clearly just as perplexed as him.
“There are no mountains around this base,” he said slowly. “The land is uniformly flat for kilometers in every direction.”
“That’s the problem,” Ranger Radzik said. “I got used to mountains at my last station. Had them back home too, all around the village I grew up in. Now it bothers my brain that they’re not there. I’ll get over it though.”
“Very good,” First Sister said making a note. “Would you mind discussing this issue with a few of the more active gossips on the base?”
“Was I freaking out some folks?” Ranger Radzik asked with a grin.
“You were rather,” First Sister said. “Notably anyone who understood human body language.”
“I’ll spread the word around,” Ranger Radzik said as he rose. “That all?”
“That is all,” the base commander affirmed.
The human left and Base Commander Third Trill felt more than saw First Sister focus her attention on him.
“Now,” the doctor said pulling up a terrifyingly dense data stream. “Since you did not know that it would be inadvisable to address a humans mental health is a group session I think we have some instructional material to go over.”

Humans are Weird: I Have the Data: by Betty Adams, Adelia Gibadullina, Paperback | Barnes & Noble® (barnesandnoble.com)

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Amazon.com: Humans are Weird: I Have the Data (9798588913683): Adams, Betty, Wong, Richard, Gibadullina, Adelia: Books

Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 35 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.

Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $50 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.

 Humans are Weird – Hold Down the Fort

The position of lead reference librarian, even in a branch University, was deeply interesting if one was of the type who was fascinated by the principle of ordering chaos. It was also highly respectable and well paid. Second Grandmother Droon Primary First Hive had felt the honor of the promotion to the very tips of her antenna when the University Comity had offered her the position. With her own First Cousin settled down in her garden and her Third Grandchild well into trotting age, it had been time to extend her antenna. Second Grandfather had been more than amenable to leaving the care of the garden lines to the next generation of Fathers and seeking out some adventure so they had packed up a few seeds and set off on the next available star liner. Second Grandfather had found a nice little niche volunteering with the sprout germination greenhouse in the botany department and so far Second Grandmother was enjoying her work at the library immensely.
A pronounced rustling of wings announced the arrival of a young and energetic flight of Winged and Second Grandmother took a moment to ensure that her person and clothing offered no convenient perches and moved to stand beside the provided, ceiling mounted perches. It was of course possible that the flight of Winged were planning on doing their own research but this section of the library had been reformatted with humans in mind. Most of the physical media outmassed and individual winged and the data kisoks were designed for hands that were nearly the full width of a Winged’s body. As she expected the immediately angled for her work area and swept around her a few times looking for a “friendly perch”, finding none the contented themselves to latch onto the hanging perches.
“Greetings!” dozens of tiny voices called out. “We seek information!”
“Greeting,” Second Grandmother replied with a flicker of her age limp neck frill. “How may I help you?”
There was a chaotic swarm of words as the entire flight, a very young one she observed from the downright fluffy state of some of the individuals, tried to explain their request at once. She let the noise die down until they were all looking at her expectantly. She raised a single digit and tilted her head to the side. The gesture meant nothing in Shatar culture but it was a useful acquisition from the humans. It seemed to create a focal point that species with binocular vision seemed compelled to focus on.
“Now,” Second Grandmother said sternly. “I did not understand a single thread of those comments. Choose a speaker and have him inform me what your request is.”
There was an instant wash of confused movement through the flight as their voices rose in pitch to their native tones as they delegated a speaker, though Second Grandmother supposed that might just be her own biases speaking. The hundreds of tiny flitting movements probably were ordered with military precision by their own point of view. They finally decided on a middle sized Winged with soft amber fur and deep crimson eyes. A statically odd color combination in her experience.
“We would like to determine the meaning,” the Winged began in carefully lowered tones, “of a human expression we heard.”
There was a frantic flutter of noise as the flight behind him set up a protest of some sort and the speaker stated and twisted his head around to snap back at them. The flutter quieted and he looked back at Second Grandmother.
“We of course would have asked the humans for clarification first,” he explained. “We know the protocol. However the phrase appears to be a farewell greeting and the human that said it was the last human to leave our base for that cycle and we were reassigned here before we could meet any more humans.”
Second Grandmother let her head rotate from side to side.
“And on this University we are somewhat restricted to vocabulary poor engineers,” she finished the thought thread. I touch your problem.”
She indicated the data kiosk at her fingertips.
“What can I help you with then?” she asked.
“Hold down the fort,” the speaker said quickly. “Human Friend Tom said it with an accompanying gesture of farewell as his last words as he boarded the transport.”
“Do you have a recording?” Second Grandmother asked.
“We do,” the speaker said.
There was a more localized flutter in the flight and a data crystal was dropped on the kiosk reader screen. The relevant data was quite well marked and Second Grandmother pulled it up easily. There was the human striding up the loading ramp. He made the generic gesture of farewell. He said the words. Second Mother quickly identified his accent and applied a phonetic scan. The individual words were identified easily, but each word possessed multiple meanings and applying a literal translation produced far too many reasonable results to be useful. However the common idiom filter had pinged a very solid result significantly before she was done reading the literally translations.
“Here is the root,” Second Grandmother said with satisfaction. “It is simply a common farewell saying. It is a recognition that the target has the responsibility of maintaining the location and a goodwill indicator,”
The flight fluttered happily and most of the abandoned the perches to fly around her neck and look down at the display. However as she rotated the information up the screen the noises turned to fascinated distress. They talked over each other so quickly that she could only catch the occasional word, “Classified”, “History”, and “strange”, cropped up quite a bit, but she had no trouble understanding the confusion.
“The majority of the etymological history appears to be given the emotional distress restrictions,” she stated. “You, as adults, are free to gain access to all of the data but it is suggested that I not pull up the information, especially the visual data, on a common space screen.”
The flight swept away without so much as a physical gesture of farewell and Second Grandmother curled her antenna in annoyance as she hadn’t been able to press her frill tightly against her neck for some years now. Curious herself about the classification now she moved to a private reader and opened the etymological history of the word.
“A military term,” she clicked to herself.
Odd how many military terms the humans co-opted into common usage. The documentation noted the shift the phrase had undergone, the addition of ‘down’, some time ago making the original phrase “hold the fort”. Then the explanation that it was an order given to a fortified military base to maintain the status quo until reinforcements or resupply arrived. She wondered why this had been classified at all. Granted it was a light classification that essentially stripped down to children needing the approval of their guardians but still it was odd. Then she reached the visual documentation of example of what “holding the fort” actually meant. She watched the depiction of battles, sieges, sacrifice, and brutality while her antennas curled ever tighter to her head. Human history was no secret. They were notoriously open about everything. Still, she stopped the playback and tilted her head to concentrate on the Winged’s “Human Friend Tom” as he sauntered off of the base he was leaving. Every angle of his body spoke of cheerfulness and relaxation. His vocal tones were bright, with a hint of laughter. His membrane was flushed with pleasant colors.
“Why would he summon such a dark concept while in such a bright mental state?” she asked of no one in particular.
“We don’t know,” came a voice from above her.
The Winged speaker had returned.
“The base was in no danger and Human Friend Tom was well aware of the fact,” he went on. “I need some page lifting equipment by the way. Nice selection of primary sources you’ve got here. We are trying to figure out if he saw a threat we didn’t. Or if humans just have a high tolerance for dark implications.”
The winged darted back to his flight with the equipment and left Second Grandmother staring in perplexity at the image of Human Friend Tom striding up the ramp.

​Humans are Weird: I Have the Data: by Betty Adams, Adelia Gibadullina, Paperback | Barnes & Noble® (barnesandnoble.com)
Humans are Weird: I Have the Data by Betty Adams - Books on Google Play
Amazon.com: Humans are Weird: I Have the Data (9798588913683): Adams, Betty, Wong, Richard, Gibadullina, Adelia: Books
Humans are Weird: I Have the Data eBook by Betty Adams - 1230004645337 | Rakuten Kobo United States

Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 40 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.

Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $50 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.

​Edit:3/25/2021: update links

Due to some rather spectacular personal mistakes that involves .... well leave it at spectacular personal mistakes. Anyway the usual posting schedule is bust. Here is a sad pi joke I crafted a few years back.

 Humans are Weird – Faces in a Mirror​

“You want permission to do what?” Wing Commander Eighth Trill said as he stared, his nose wrinkled with perplexity.
“I believe that the proposal is fully explained in the document,” Third Sister replied.
She tapped the datapad with one digit to pull up the specifications of the study she was preforming again and indicated the specific section that detailed what she needed from the base commander. The Winged flexed his membranous wings and thoughtfully rubbed his winghooks over his sensory horns.
“It could be done,” he said in a cautious tone, “but it will be highly uncomfortable for the Undulates. I am afraid that with our currently limited technological resources we are simply unable to make the main surface of the wall that reflective without scattering light pollution all over the room. It’s is not a problem for either your species or mine but the Undulates are capable of differentiating nearly every nanometer of light. Such artificial scattering can cause them mild to significant irritation.”
“If you examine the collateral consequence section of the proposal you will see that that has been addressed,” Third Sister said, pulling up the relevant screens and shifting her neck frill in a brisk gesture. “All of the Undulates have agreed to safety waivers that easily encompass the irritation caused by the light scattering. I will be collecting data on their reactions incidentally to the main study.”
Wing Commander Eighth Trill gave a low, wordless grumble as he examined the section.
“I am not, nor have I ever been comfortable with preforming psychological experimentation on sapient beings,” he finally stated.
“Every antenna twitch of this study has been vetted by the central comity ethics board,” Third Sister quickly reminded him. “There will be no lasting harm caused to any participants and the human targets will likely enjoy the situation.”
“It is not even possible to fully meet the requirements of your study,” the wing commander stated with a dubious curl of one lip.
“How so?” Third Sister asked, tilting her head to the side.
“The process for resetting the reflectivity of the structurally important walls is quite complex,” he said as slowly as a Winged ever spoke. “I cannot, in good conscience, dedicate enough resources to reset it before and after each meal time. The engineers would have to leave the reflectivity in place for the duration of the study. I do not know enough of your parameters to know if that is acceptable to you or not.”
Third Sister leaned back and thoughtfully flicked her proboscis up to clean the surface of her eyes.
“That will not significantly change the results of the study,” she finally said. “Or if it does we will be able to use the other studies being done at the universities to make it a valid variable.”
“Well then,” Wing Commander Eighth Trill said, briskly closing the documents. “I will order my engineers to begin the process. We can have the surfaces ready in two local days.”
“Thank you for your cooperation,” Third Sister said, rotating her triangular head slightly in a polite farewell greeting.
To her surprise the usually brusque wing commander took the time to return the gesture. His sensory horns and flexible neck allowed him to almost perfectly replicate the movement before the flitted off to his next duty.
As he had claimed, the wall of the cafeteria were reset to her specifications within two days. The humans, as predicted, were in general quite pleased with the result aesthetically, although they did occasionally start on seeing their own reflections move, and there was one unfortunate incident with a young engineer simply walking, smack into the wall. On being questions by the medics he had simply shrugged and stated that he had thought the other guy was going to move out of the way. The Undulates grumbled a bit but soon adapted. Overall the base adapted to the change quite quickly and Third Sister and her cohort were quickly collecting data on the noted phenomena. She was giving her quarterly update on research to the base commander when he asked about the results.
“We have not yet finished collecting the data,” Third Sister said, “let alone recording and analyzing it. However given that I have yet to witness a negative or even null result I think I can safely say that the initial negative hypothesis was correct.”
“How did you even decide to quantify such a thing?” Wing Commander Eighth Trill said as he flicked through the collected images. “Some of these look like perfectly normal behaviors I witness on a daily basis.”
“The first thing we did,” Third Sister said, “even before we had the wall altered, was to gather a baseline of muscle movement for humans while eating. We then eliminated all muscular contractions that fell into that category. Fortunately for our study none of our human cohort on the base have faces that fall even a standard deviation out of the human norm for tissue damage and flexibility so we were able to use data from all of them. There is of course no way to account for idea expression during conversation per se, but we avoided that by only collecting data when an individual human had broken eye contact with their companions and was making self-eye contact with the mirrors. Unfortunately we cannot rule out the possibility of them making eye contact, and expressing positional information with another party who happened to be in the scope of their binocular vision, but those instances are so few as to not throw off our data overall.”
“Very interesting to you head headshrinkers I am sure,” Wing Commander Eighth Trill said. “By the updraft, what was that philosophers quote you were trying to verify with this experiment? I need it for my reports.”
“The original quote is actually unsourced,” Third Sister said. “Most of the humans are aware of it. I was able to track down three who had read it from a secondary source. However all they recalled was that it was an “old book” in some library of physical media they read as children before their memory formation was stable. One was able to recall that the secondary source was printed in the early twentieth century of their current calendar. However as every human I have proposed the quote too agreed with its principle I felt confident enough to base a study on it.”
“And what was the quote?” Wing Commander Eighth Trill asked as he entered in a notation for a sourceless quote.
“There never was a human yet,” Third Sister said, “Who when sitting cross from a glass, did not make faces in it.”
Wing Commander Eight Trill glanced down one more time at the images of the contorted human features and his lips twitched in amusement.
“Confirmed indeed,” he said.



Humans are Weird: I Have the Data: by Betty Adams, Adelia Gibadullina, Paperback | Barnes & Noble® (barnesandnoble.com)


Humans are Weird: I Have the Data by Betty Adams - Books on Google Play


Amazon.com: Humans are Weird: I Have the Data (9798588913683): Adams, Betty, Wong, Richard, Gibadullina, Adelia: Books



Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 35 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.

Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at [email protected]  and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $50 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.

 Humans are Weird – Something Fishy


The beginning of the human’s noonday meal was always announced with a subdued rumble as the massive bipeds walked eagerly towards the cafeteria from their respective work stations. Though the various work schedules meant that the eating area was never overly crowded nor completely empty the circadian synchronization the mammals shared meant that the first rush around the solar peak of the day was always impressive.
Twistunder swam along the flow way and popped up into the cafeteria in time for his usual browsing. The amber algae strains on this planet were sadly underdeveloped thanks to the weak sun and he had always had an irrational dislike of the green algae. He knew as well as anyone that the lower protein content was easily offset by simply browsing a little more mass but amber was his favorite. He was prodding listlessly as the limp mass of the amber algae, amber in name only it was actually a sickly yellow that one of the humans had referred to a baby-poo yellow, and wondered if the next shipment of artificial lights would have the necessary power to stimulate something approaching an attractive hue, when he heard a familiar step amid the cacophony of human steps.
Twistunder immediately perked up. That was Human Friend Mack or he was greatly mistaken. Even the limp and pale amber algae wouldn’t be so distressing when eating with a friend. It was more for Mack’s presence than any specific nutrient schedule of his own that Twistunder had chosen this chaotic hour for gathering sustenance. He was about to twist the annoying green algae around his appendages, the one benefit was that it did transport better, when an idea nudged him from the side.
There beside the algae growths was a set of tongs and a cluster of carrying bags. These were hardly things you would find in an eating location back home. They were a concession to the far more advanced social-imunnity behaviors of the other species. From humans to Hellbats every other species, save the Gathering, had issues with someone bringing them food in nothing but their appendages. While one could find the occasional human who would accept a bundle of algae one had been carrying tucked up near your core, the humans in particular didn’t like the idea of body parts touching their food, even their own body parts to some degree. It was odd, but that was how it was. They did however, appreciated food brought to them in the sterile carrying containers.
Twistunder quickly calculated the mass of the green algae what would equal half of a tuna-fish sandwich. He recalled Human Friend Mack mentioning that he was going to be eating his own prepared food rather than the cafeteria provided protein. An Earth delicacy he had been willing to share with Twistunder on previous occasions. Tuna fish, removed from the indigestible carbohydrate casing, wasn’t amber algae but it was far better than green. Fortunately for Twistunder’s purposes Human Friend Mack rather liked the fibrous nature of the green algae. He called it sea-celery. The human also usually forgot to procure his own required fiber allotment. Musing happily over this Twistunder quickly swam over to the airlock and popped out onto the floor.
“Undulate underfoot!” The nearest human hollered.
There was a generally shuffling of feet as the humans located him and arranged themselves for mutual safety. Several of them muttered greetings but most were focused on their food. Twistunder easily reached the table Human Friend Mack had chosen and shimmied up the central post and scrambled onto the surface.
“Twist,” Human Friend Mack greeted him, inclining the focus of his head in Twistunder’s direction.
“Greetings Human Friend Mack!” Twistunder said, dropping the carry container of algae down on the table in a way that he hoped would draw Human Friend Mack’s attention to it.
“What’s up?” Human Friend Mack asked.
“I was wishing to exchange, rather swap, my algae for your tuna fish today!” Twistunder stated.
“Sure thing lil’ bud,” Human Friend Mack said.
He reached his hand to where the sandwich sat wrapped in a clear hydrocarbon sheath, but his fingers paused over the sandwich and his face contorted into a thoughtful frown.
“On second thought better not,” Human Friend Mack said slowly.
“Very well,” Twistunder said as he regretfully started to pull the algae out of the bag. “Do you require all the fish fats today?”
“Nah,” Human Friend Mack said shaking his head. “This sandwich has just been in the fridge too long. It’s own personal biome is getting a little too developed for me to let you eat it. Too risky.”
“How can you tell?” Twistunder asked with interest.
“Well,” Human Friend Mack said, “three days is the general limit and it does smell funny.”
In demonstration the human lifted it to his nose and grimaced.
“I sound you,” Twistunder said. “Are you going to dispose-”
Twistunder cut off as Human Friend Mack shifted the sandwich and took a large bit out of it.
“Pardon,” Twistunder asked, making sure to put confusion in his tone. “Didn’t you just say that the bacterial load on that sandwich is too high for consumption? Or did I misunderstand?”
“Too high for you” Human Friend Mack said. “I have a cast-iron stomach.”
Twistunder could have replied that given the acidic nature of human stomachs, fabricating them out of cast-iron would be a negative situation on many levels but he recognized the implication of strength and resigned himself to the green algae. He chatted easily with Human Friend Mack for the next half hour.
“Human Friend Mack,” Twistunder said as he was about halfway done with the stringy green algae. “May I ask why you are so dramatically changing emotional displays on your skin? You voice doesn’t indicate any distress.”
“Am I?” Human Friend Mack asked, glancing down at his hand.
“The display is centered on your face,” Twistunder said. “It seems to be a general distress display.”
Human Friend Mack pulled out his compass and flipped it open to look at his face. He frowned and examined it from several angles before glancing around and selecting a human female Twistunder was not familiar with to address.
“Hey Frankie,” Human Friend Mack called out. “Twist says I look funny. Do you see anything?”
The woman glanced at him and frowned.
“You are a little pale,” she said with concern. “Are you feeling alright?”
“I’m fine,” Human Friend Mack said with a frown. “Fit as a fiddle, but if you and Twist agree maybe-”
Suddenly his voice was interrupted by a low gurgling sound from his middle. Human Friend Mack’s entire body suddenly gave a tight convulsion and his hand flew up to clamp over his mouth as the colors on his face changed from mildly concerning to dramatically warning.
“What’s wrong?” Human Coworker Frankie demanded.
“Tuna fish!” Mack explained as he turned and rushed from the room. “Bathroom!”
Twistunder stared after his friend in concern and Frankie gave a prolonged sigh.
“Did he eat a questionable sandwich?” she asked.
“He did,” Twistunder confirmed. “In he in danger?”
“Nothing serious,” Human Coworker Frankie said with a shrug. “No human has died from bad tuna in like a century, just a little stupidity induced suffering in his immediate future.”
“He said his stomach was made of cast iron,” Twistunder offered.
“He would,” Human Coworker Frankie said with a shrug.


THE AMAZON
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The Google Books Version is up and ready to purchase!

Humans are Weird: I Have the Data by Betty Adams - Books on Google Play


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 26 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.

Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at [email protected]  and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $50 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.