Be ware! The worthiest T-Rex is patrolling NorWesCon41! 
Yes! 
DinoTHOR is here!

The puns get better guys. 

Day two of the con is going well. I finally found the guy I needed to find to work the kinks out of my wormhole generator focusing crystals. Santa was there to take photos with cosplayers on his knee. There were tiny baby puppies to pet. 

NorWesCon is in full swing and the conversations have begun! Doggos have been scritched, panels have been attended, and all the usual suspects are gathered. 
​See if you can find some old friends among the new. 

Remember I'll be at NorWesCon 2018 starting tomorrow at one! Looking forward to sharing time with all my fellow sci-fi and fantasy nuts...fans...folks. 

Sometimes you wonder where that deadline is and you realize it was...

Humans are Weird – A Little Thing


“You seem particularly cheerful Ranger Dodge,” Twistunder commented as the human strode up to the jeep.
“That I am Twist buddy. That I am,” Survey Core Ranger Mack Dodge confirmed as his long, jointed limb lifted with a terrifying ease to toss his backpack into the vehicle.
Twistunder rotated his body, appendages spread out as far as they could go in what humans called his ‘wet mop phase’. The last, lingering rays of sunlight turned his skin a dark amber that seemed to meld into the green of the jeep’s hood. Mack was taking his time to organize their tools in the cargo area, so Twistunder felt comfortable lingering in the sunlight.
“What has pleased you so much?” Twistunder asked after a moment.
Mack hummed over the netting he was securing over the gear.
“Well,” Mack finally said, “you know that the inspector is here?”
“Oh yes!” Twistunder replied as he inched across the hood, following the sunlight.  “Did you interact with him?”
“Yep,” Mack replied.  “He swung by in one of those flyers, the insulated little bio-dome ones.”
Twistunder could have laughed derisively if he had felt like sharing his contempt of the soft-appendaged bureaucrat with his friend, but as close as he and Ranger Dodge were one didn’t flush your fetid algae around friends.  So Twistunder only gave an interrogative hum.
“Anyway,” Mack continued as the last beams began to slip off the side of the jeep and Twistunder gave up on his bathing. “He was watching me hammer in the probe spikes and complimented me on my handiness.”
Twistunder climbed over the windshield and dropped down into the driver’s seat. He secured the prospective restraint around him and secured the steering wheel with his primary gripping appendages and held out his secondary appendage expectantly.
“Nice try Twist,” Mack said as he opened the driver’s door.  “Move it.”
Twistunder gripped the buckle of the restraints and a brief scuffle ensued. Mack tried first tried to simply lift him out of the seat by force and Twistunder couldn’t resist humming in amusement when Mack gave a grunt of frustration. Humans might be able to drive ten centimeter long spikes into solid rock but no species beat an Undulate for gripping power when they didn’t want to give up their place.
“Come on Twist,” Mack demanded. “We’ve been over this. I am not letting you drive.”
“I passed the test,” Twistunder said in his most logical tone. “I am certified.”
“You passed the written test,” Mack snapped. “Your species is not meant to hurtle along at driving speeds.”
“And yours is?” Twistunder asked.  He lifted one gripping appendage to tap the controls. “Correct me if I am wrong, but this speed indicator goes much higher than –what is your maximum running speed again?”
“Faster than yours!” Mack said.
 He gave up pulling and flattened his hand against the seat back, sliding it down until he gripped the base of the restraint.  Twistunder divined his plan and decided that cheating was in order. He freed about a quarter of his appendages from the seat, at which Mack gave a cry of triumph, and dug them into the human’s ribcage and wiggled.  Mack howled in frustration but somehow continued to wedge Twistunder off the seat.
“You are developing your resistance to tickling,” Twistunder observed as Mack shoved him over into the passenger seat.
“Not that I have much choice in the matter,” Mack muttered as they fought one final tugging war over the seatbelt.  “You little bugger.”
“I do wish to develop this skill,” Twistunder pointed out as he finally buckled himself into the seat. “And your charter does call for exchanging information freely.”
“It also calls for not getting people killed,” Mack replied as he started the engine.
“It can’t be more complex than flying a glider,” Twistunder pointed out.
“They have a max speed of what,” Mack asked, “ten or fifteen?”
“So the inspector complimented you?” Twistunder asked.
Mack shot his a sideways glance at the change in topic but continued driving.
“My handiness,” Mack said, and a proud smile replaced his irritated look.
Twistunder folded his appendages under himself thoughtfully. “You refer of course to the fact that you are almost as proficient in tasks with both sides of your appendages?”
“Yup,” Mack replied, grinning wide enough to show his teeth now.
 “You are a decorated Survey Core Ranger Friend Mack Dodge,” Twistunder said carefully.
“Yeah?” Mack replied.
“That means you have achieved honor in the disciplines of both body and mind at the highest level,”” Twistunder went on, proud to remember the humans separated the two, such a strange concept.
“And so?” Mack asked.
“Why are you so pleased over recognition that your appendages all function properly?” Twistunder asked. “And why did the inspector think to compliment that?”
“It might be a little thing,” Mack said with a shrug. “But I worked hard to bring Lefty up to par and I’m proud of it. Why wouldn’t he compliment it?”
“Did you injure your left appendages seriously?” Twistunder asked, raising a few sensory rich appendages to examine his friend.
“What?”  Mack frowned. “No I-oh right, you guys don’t go in for bi-lateral symmetry so you don’t get bi-lateral asymmetry.  No, it’s unusual for humans to be able to use both hands equally. We have a dominant hand and a non-dominant hand.”
“Ah,” Twistunder replied. “That is interesting. I suppose the inspector was briefed on this and was showing off his knowledge of human anatomy.”
“Could be,” Mack replied.
“Another question?” Twistunder asked.
“Shoot bud,” Mack said.
“Do you name all of your appendages?” Twistunder asked.
Uproarious laugher was his only reply. 

Due to the influence of some eighteenth or nineteenth century English literature. This author has been pondering the significance of the most appropriate musical voice to accompany a soprano in a duet. The only problem  being my complete inability to remember the proper term.  
It is not cilantro, as my botanical brain helpfully supplied. 
It was not clarinet, though that was a more musical term.

The term would briefly pop into my head with a flash of insight and then be gone in a moment. 

Why does the brain do this to us? 

Contralto! 

*sighs*

​Perhaps it will last this time. 

This author had a very busy day. If you want to read something witty and scathing go pick up "Jane Eyre". 

Yesterday was the first day of spring. In many places the sun is peeking out from beside the clouds for minutes or hours at a time. Remember to get up from your chair and slip outside to expose some skin to the nutrient stimulating force of our mediocre yellow star. 

I started a funny little conversation over one Reddit. 

[–]Netmantis 54 points55 points56 points 15 hours ago (26 children)

Humans are rather good at exerting a surprising amount of force, often in unexpected ways. Just because we are no hippos, or even a great ape with a proper Sagittal crest, doesn't mean we can't do some damage. Nice to be recognized for our weirdness.

[–]sswanlakeThe Librarian 25 points26 points27 points 15 hours ago* (22 children)

Proportionally, I believe we can actually exert more force in our bite than our great ape cousins, and possibly even the neanderthals too

[–]Netmantis 46 points47 points48 points 15 hours ago (17 children)

In a hilarious turn of events, we can exert more force than our teeth can handle. When tested, most adult males could exert 150 pounds of pressure on the molars, and stopped when their teeth hurt, not muscle fatigue. Given proper tombstone teeth, we could do amazing things. Myself I have left teeth marks in soft metals when I was young and dumb and without pliars for grip.

[–]TheDarkGenious 25 points26 points27 points 14 hours ago (6 children)

I remember in high school i had a habit of biting through and chewing on soda cans. I also bit through more than a few rocks as a kid in scouts.
Teeth are Stronk.
ps

[–]Betty-Adams[S] 19 points20 points21 points 13 hours ago (5 children)

Ah, chewing rocks. Yes, the aliens will be quite perplexed with us.

Ah, chewing rocks. Yes, the aliens will be quite perplexed with us.
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[–]TheDarkGenious 13 points14 points15 points 13 hours ago (4 children)

Gotta get that calcium somehow, and when you don't have a cow...

[–]HyratelLots o' Bots 5 points6 points7 points 8 hours ago (0 children)

Lick an egg
[–]cryptoengineer 1 point2 points3 points 3 hours ago (1 child)

Geophagia is a thing.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geophagia



[–]Mondrial 1 point2 points3 points 2 hours ago (0 children)

/)_< of course that's a thing.

[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 29 minutes ago (0 children)

Grind, grind, grind!

Grind, grind, grind!
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[–]BoxNumberGavin1 10 points11 points12 points 12 hours ago (3 children)

Isn't that the case with a few of our body parts? We can be strong enough to severely damage ourselves because being damaged is better than getting removed from the gene pool at that moment. Be it self or familial preservation.

[–]CaptRoryHuman 9 points10 points11 points 9 hours ago (1 child)

Our bodies have built in limiters so we don't hurt ourselves. These limiters are switched off in times of severe stress which is how a mother can lift a minivan off her child. She should not be lifting that; she is in danger of not only damaging her bones but of ripping the muscle off of them.

[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 26 minutes ago (0 children)

True story! Then there is the idea of simply punching glass...

True story! Then there is the idea of simply punching glass...
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[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 27 minutes ago (0 children)

Bone is stronger than concrete.

Bone is stronger than concrete.
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[–]Betty-Adams[S] 6 points7 points8 points 13 hours ago (0 children)

Bite it! The natural follow up to Poke it with a stick.

Bite it! The natural follow up to Poke it with a stick.
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[–]Arokthis 3 points4 points5 points 13 hours ago (1 child)

I have a couple dents/grooves in some of my teeth from pulling needles instead of using pliers. My dentist is not happy with me.

[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 26 minutes ago (0 children)

My chiropractor smacks me sometimes.

My chiropractor smacks me sometimes.
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[–]thelordmaple 5 points6 points7 points 10 hours ago (2 children)

Wonder if it'd be possible to mod my body to use all that force...

[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 25 minutes ago (0 children)

I think this is the point of dental braces.

I think this is the point of dental braces.
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[–]KainenFrostAlien Scum 0 points1 point2 points 25 minutes ago (0 children)

Just add adrenaline Edit: Nevermind, I misunderstood what you were saying.

[–]ShankCushionHuman 12 points13 points14 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

Due to the amount of muscle actually attached to our jaw, the angle of it, and the relatively short jawbone (IIRC, been a while since I saw this info) we actually bite harder than some pretty serious dogs when we want to.

[–]Betty-Adams[S] 25 points26 points27 points 13 hours ago (1 child)

And way more than casual dogs.

And way more than casual dogs.
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[–]ShankCushionHuman 4 points5 points6 points 13 hours ago (0 children)

True.

[–]Betty-Adams[S] 1 point2 points3 points 13 hours ago (0 children)

There's always one in the family.

There's always one in the family.
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[–]Betty-Adams[S] 3 points4 points5 points 14 hours ago (0 children)

Nibble nibble!

Nibble nibble!
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[–]C4Cypher 0 points1 point2 points 3 hours ago (1 child)

Our hand grip strength and our endurance.

[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 25 minutes ago (0 children)

They don't let go!

They don't let go!
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[–]cryptoengineer 21 points22 points23 points 15 hours ago* (6 children)

"Exactly how much pressure are your jaws capable of producing?"
Over 170 pounds, or about 4000 psi.
Old, but accessible:
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-power-of-the-human-jaw/
Less readable, but much more recent and detailed data
https://www.scribd.com/document/33955152/Bite-Forces-and-Bite-Pressure



[–]Galapagos_James 28 points29 points30 points 15 hours ago (3 children)

To quote your own source, "He found that the limit of the bite was not determined by the muscles, but by the teeth themselves."
That's. . . actually probably more terrifying in retrospect. Also explains why the Dentist was one of the strongest bites recorded, I bet they had proper dental hygiene.


[–]Betty-Adams[S] 12 points13 points14 points 13 hours ago (2 children)

Brush those teeth and do your species proud.

Brush those teeth and do your species proud.
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[–]CaptRoryHuman 15 points16 points17 points 9 hours ago (1 child)

Remember to polish your external skeleton with abrasive paste before lying in a dark room for eight hours and hallucinating during unconsciousness.


[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 30 minutes ago (0 children)

This is very important. You might die if you don't.

This is very important. You might die if you don't.
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[–]Betty-Adams[S] 0 points1 point2 points 14 hours ago (0 children)

Thank you! Excellent data there.

Thank you! Excellent data there.
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[–]spacetrucker426 14 points15 points16 points 13 hours ago (6 children)

“You are eating unprocessed, dormant stage, tree seeds?”
Well, to be fair, they've been shelled. Eating them otherwise, now that would be impressive.



[–]The_First_Viking 8 points9 points10 points 12 hours ago (3 children)

Not that impressive. You can crack nuts with your teeth if you don't mind spitting out shells. Hell, you can crack a lot of kinds of nut by hand if you squeeze two of them together and use one to break the other. Only downside is you end up with one unbreakable nut left over.
[–]space253 13 points14 points15 points 11 hours ago (1 child)

You eat the bag and when you are down to one you give it to the squirrels.



[–]CaptRoryHuman 4 points5 points6 points 9 hours ago (0 children)

This guy squirrels.



[–]Swedneck 2 points3 points4 points 7 hours ago (0 children)

I wish my nuts were unbreakable..



[–]C4Cypher 0 points1 point2 points 3 hours ago (0 children)

Fridge horror for Quilx if he ever finds out



[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 28 minutes ago (0 children)

Aren't almonds shells papery and wimpy tho?

Aren't almonds shells papery and wimpy tho?
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[–]steved32 11 points12 points13 points 15 hours ago (7 children)

I like it. Thank you
I'm not sure if you're aware, but:
[Original](http://www.authorbettyadams.com/bettys-blog/humans-are-weird-seeds) = Original



[–]Betty-Adams[S] 4 points5 points6 points 13 hours ago (2 children)

Thank you! I was not aware.


   [–]SavvyBlonk 1 point2 points3 points 12 hours ago (1 child)

And in case you ever forget, there's a little button underneath the text input box that says 'formatting help' which has a cheat sheet for the most common functions.



[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 29 minutes ago (0 children)

Thanks!

Thanks!
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[–]Din182 7 points8 points9 points 15 hours ago (3 children)

Check the name of the person who posted it, and then check the name of the person who runs that blog.

• permalink
• e

[–]alienpirate5AI 11 points12 points13 points 15 hours ago (0 children)

It was a formatting tip



[–]sswanlakeThe Librarian 3 points4 points5 points 15 hours ago (0 children)

I think they're referring to the formatting, saying the the author could make the link text "original" rather than just the link



[–]steved32 3 points4 points5 points 15 hours ago (0 children)

I know, that's why I worded my suggestion that way



[–]UpdateMeBot 1 point2 points3 points 16 hours ago (0 children)

Click here to subscribe to /u/betty-adams and receive a message every time they post.

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[–]HFYBotRebornpraise magnus 1 point2 points3 points 9 hours ago (0 children)

There are 21 stories by Betty-Adams (Wiki), including:

• Humans are Weird - Seeds
• Humans are Weird - Persistence
• Humans are Weird - Can't Sit Still
• Humans are Weird - Omnivorous
• Humans are Weird - Cold Sores
• Humans are Weird - Compliments
• Humans are Weird - Bleep
• Humans are Weird - Where Do Stories Come From
• Humans are Weird IRL - Pork Barrel Bases
• Humans are Weird - Regulation
• Humans Are Weird - Forgetfulness
• Humans are Weird - The Hale Hero of the Abominable World
• Humans Are Weird - High Five
• Humans are Weird - Warm Spot
• Humans Are Weird - Cold Footsies
• Humans Are Weird - Coffee
• Humans are Weird - IRL
• The Scent of Heat
• Packing Snow
• Volcanoes
• Humans are Weird for Many Reasons. They even excrete a saline solution rich with bio-diverse microfauna.

This list was automatically generated by HFYBotReborn version 2.13. Please contact KaiserMagnus or j1xwnbsr if you have any queries. This bot is open source.


[–]GnakFlak 1 point2 points3 points 7 hours ago (2 children)

Aren´t Almonds the ones that contain traces of cyanide?



[–]DrHydeousHuman 3 points4 points5 points 5 hours ago (0 children)

Yes. As do apple pips. The seeds from 20 apples can contain enough cyanide to kill you, but you'd have to chew them very thoroughly.



[–]Betty-Adams[S] -1 points0 points1 point 30 minutes ago (0 children)

Well they smell like it, apple seeds contain arsenic but it is in a harmless form. 

Humans are Weird – Inanimate Objects
​
“Quilx’tch, can you aide me?”
Quilx’tch glanced over at his superior as he entered the room.  The chief cultural anthropologist was crouched over the main data screen in their office. Quilx’tch balanced the vials in his manipulators and rotated uneasily.
“Can it wait a moment Tra’krt?” he replied. “I need to place the sampled from the Hellbats in the refrigerator.”
“Make sure you place them in the sample refrigerator,” Tra’krt reminded him sternly.  “But yes, that will be acceptable.”
Quilx’tch rotated and hurried to put the nutrient samples in the racks of the refrigeration unit. He made sure their labels were clearly visible and scurried back to where Tra’krt was flicking various symbols across the visual display screen. Quilx’tch aligned his primary eyes with the screen and tilted his abdomen to the side thoughtfully.
“Is this one of those human word puzzles?” He asked.
Tra’krt let out a chitter of irritation and swept a primary manipulator across the control surface, realigning the letters in the orderly rows the humans preferred.
“Betty,” Quilx’tch read. “A common derivate of a human name, female I believe.”
“Yes, yes,” Tra’krt said. “I am aware of that. However the base command transport has no sex so far as I know.”
Quilx’tch let his secondary eyes take in the stressed commander. Had he been getting sufficient nutrients lately? In lieu of a proper field medic it was Quilx’tch’s task to ensure the base crew maintained their health.
“Oh swarm,” Tra’krt snapped his mandibles at Quilx’tch. “Do stop thinking so loudly. I am fine.”
“You know your inappropriate use of that term has the humans thinking we are telepathic,” Quilx’tch reprimanded him.
“I take zero responsibility for what humans think,” Tra’krt said. “Now this,” he waved at the offending female name, “this is exactly why. Mechanic Steve has named the command transport Betty.”
Quilx’tch felt his joints loosen with relief. “Oh yes, they do that.” He said. “The transports that drop off the humans are in fact listed by their ‘names’ rather than their identification numbers in the files for the foodstuffs.”
“I am aware Quilx’tch,” Tra’krt said, rubbing the ridges over his eyes. “If you read the functional briefing on humans it lists that facet of their behavior. It also lists that that only refers to ships of a certain mass.”
“I was not aware of that,” Quilx’tch said.
“But Mechanic Steve has named a wheeled vehicle, far below the tonnage requirements, Betty,” Tra’krt said.
“I assume you have tried simply asking him,” Quilx’tch said.
“He muttered something inaudible and walked away after I asked why he had given an inanimate object a name,” Tra’krt replied. “Since then I have been operating under the assumption that it is some form of what the humans call an acronym.”
“Well,” Quilx’tch began to back slowly away. “I will get back to my nutrient analysis.”
“One day we will understand the humans,” Tra’krt muttered to himself as he bent back over the control panel. “One day.”
Quilx’tch made a mental note to check on Tra’krt’s nutrient intake. Sometimes odd behavior was explainable by poor diet. On another leg, sometimes it was just prolonged exposure to humans.