All the children's books. ALL OF THEM. Are here. 

Humans are Weird – Jump Scare
“Secondary Visiting Ranger?” Fourth Sister asked when she handed him the soil probe.
The brilliant yellow sun shown down on the frozen landscape. She would never have dared venture out onto such a place herself without the presence of a true mammal. Even with her insulation gear that muted the sounds of even loud conversation she could already feel the air draining her core warmth. Fortunately humans were rather loud when it came to communication. Even so, the grunt the human gave in reply did not seem to contain any words, but she was learning that humans were rather imprecise when it came to casual verbal communication, so she took it to be permission to continue.
“Are you currently in a state of, ah, I believe the word is ‘feud’ with Primary Visiting Ranger?” She asked.
“Primary-? Oh you mean Bob?” The human asked.
“Yes,” She replied.
The human took a moment to shift the hood of the parka he was wearing around his tiny audio sensors but did not expose the round little nubs of skin.  
“A state of feud?” His lips turned down in a gesture of either displeasure or thought. “Not that I know of. Why?”
“Well given that he is about to-“ Fourth Sister began.
The still, thick atmosphere was split by a high pitched shriek as Primary Visiting Ranger leapt out from behind a shrubbery and grasped at Secondary Visiting Ranger. Fourth Sister felt her frill slapping against the interior of her thermal wear in confusion. Primary Visiting Ranger was perhaps a full body length from Secondary Visiting Ranger. There was no way a human could physically touch another from that distance. However Secondary Visiting Ranger still leapt back with a vocalization that she was fairly certain counted as a profanity. She stooped over to pick up the probe Secondary Visiting Ranger had dropped.
“Really Bob?” Secondary Visiting Ranger demanded, his hand clutched over his primary circulatory pump. “Really?”
Primary Visiting Ranger was laughing in delight to such an extent that Fourth Sister was somewhat concerned for his health. He doubled over and braced his arms on his knees.
“Oh yeah Mack,” he finally gasped. “Really. You should have seen your face!”
“Real mature.” Secondary Visiting Ranger muttered.
She could not see under his goggles but from the flexing of the exposed muscles she presumed that he was performing that odd ritual of ‘rolling his eyes’ that was so very disturbing. Inset organs should not move in that manner.
“Is this an amusing encounter or an antagonistic one?” Fourth Sister asked as she handed Secondary Visiting Ranger the soil probe.
“Amusing!” Primary Visiting Ranger stated firmly, all of his teeth showing in a wide grin.
“Not antagonistic,” Secondary Visiting Ranger spoke at the same time. “Just annoying and immature.”
“You needed the cardio anyway,” Primary Visiting Ranger said.
He straightened and strode past them, not breaking stride but managing to clout Secondary Visiting Ranger on the shoulder with those built in clubs humans were so infamous for.
“See you back at the base Mack,” he said cheerfully.
“Not if I see you first,” Secondary Visiting Ranger muttered.

Humans are Weird - Surface Tension 

Apology post for missing two weeks of posts. 

Humans are Weird - Surface Tension

“Commander Strk’t?” Xrt’ltx asked as he entered the commander’s office.
The commander was busy over yet another report justifying more equipment and was not in the best of moods. If Central didn’t want to supply them with four times the usual required items then perhaps they should not send item types that oxidized so quickly to a world that was over ninety percent surface water. He lifted his attention from yet another description of metal rusting out and tried to look attentive for the young anthropologist.
“Yes?” He replied.
“I had an odd conversation with one of the humans,” Xrt’ltx began uneasily.
“That describes most interactions with giant, bipedal mammals with underdeveloped self preservation instincts,” Strk’t said in a flat tone. “Is there a reason you came to me about it.”
Xrt’ltx shifted uneasily on his six motile legs and waved a gripper in confirmation.
“You would most likely know whether a human was making a threat or expressing concern,” Xrt’ltx said.
“If it was one of the humans on this base he was expressing concern,” Strk’t said with a dismissive wave. “They consider us to be ‘cute’ and ‘adorable’. Our eye to head ratios are so far into their neonatisim triggers that we get the benefit of them instinctively wanting to protect us. Once the horror wears off that is.”
Xrt’ltx looked the opposite of enlightened but Prime Cluster be Fragmented if Strk’t was going to bother expanding on human behavior if he could help it. They young anthropologist finally decided to leave it at that and went on.
“I was invited to partake in a human recreational activity,” he continued, “but the human expressed, or at least I think that was his meaning, that the forces I would be exposed to would cause dismemberment.”
“They asked if you could regenerate limbs,” Strk’t asked with an amused twitch to his upper mandibles.
“Yes!” Xrt’ltx seemed relieved that Strk’t recognized the behavior.
“What activity did they invite you to?”  Strk’t asked.
“Water skiing,” Xrt’ltx replied.
“Oh yeah,” Strk’t said with a wave of confirmation. “That one will rip your gripping appendages right off.”
Xrt’ltx stared at him in horror as if waiting for him to go on.
“Just tell them you are happy to observe,” Strk’t said with a shrug.
“But if the forces are enough to dismember our much larger surface to volume ratio-“ Xrt’ltx began.
Strk’t had been among the humans a long time he would freely admit, long enough to be comfortable with interrupting someone else.
“Human limbs are very firmly attached,” he replied, “and they rely on the surface tension of the water to slow them down and reduce the tension force. You should go.”
Xrt’ltx stared at him silently for a few moments before slipping out of the office door. Strk’t turned back to his report and made a mental note to prepare the medbay for the usual human injuries.
 

Cinder – NEVER Judge a Book by its Cover

Guilty as charged your honor. I did it. I confess. I have paid the price for my arrogance. I judged a book by its cover.

*dramatic music* 

 “Cinder” by  Marissa Meyer is an amazing book.

My brother pestered me to read it for a year before simply buying it for me for Christmas. I read through it in a few hours and then bought the next six books over the next three days. I could not stop.
No matter what genera it is (or you think it is) it is a well written book. The characters are full and strong. The tropes are played straight and subverted at the same time. You care about the main characters and are rooting for them to succeed while at the same time you are terrified that they will turn evil at any moment.
It is technically a YA science-fantasy romance. But don’t judge it by its siblings. Yes there are werewolves…sort of? There is vampirism (but no vampires). There are princesses and princes. There are village maidens and big bad wolves. There are robots and androids. There are spaceships and French pastries. There is romance so sweet it will give you diabetes and realities so horrifying it will make you very, very glad this is science fiction. The scientists are mad the princes are charming and the grandmother was a decorated veteran.
Life is pretty tough for Cinder. Despite having the best future-Yelp ratings in new Beijing her mechanics shop barely pays for the upkeep of her stepmother and two sisters. The plague is devastating the city of New-Beijing and she could really use a new foot.  Then her stepmother sells her to the government labs. An evil queen is going to force Prince Charming into helping her CONQURE THE WORLD unless Cinder can get to the ball with the warning from the malfunctioning android. Also the mad scientist is more clinically unstable than fun and quirky…
This book and the rest of its series is a must read. 

Humans Are Weird – All Naked


“Are you feeling well this morning Human Friend Steve?” Crs’klt asked when Steve had settled onto the bench.

Steve gave a tired grunt as he leaned over the table and rested his elbows on either side of his breakfast tray. Crs’klt decided to ignore the clearly impolite gesture as no matter what that sound had meant Human Friend Steve was clearly not particularly chipper this morning.

“May we continue our conversation from last night?” Crs’klt asked once Steve had consumed the amount of coffee that allowed for normal brain function.

“Wha’ conversation?” Human Friend Steve asked, opening one eye far enough for his pupil to peer out at Crs’klt.

She tilted her head to the side and considered. There really had seemed to be multiple threads to the odd conversation last night. It would be hard to untangle them but she supposed the main point would do for a start.

“The one about the naked Trisk,” she explained.

Human Friend Steve stared at her though his one open eye for several seconds, then blinked both eyes slowly. He forced himself up into a position of maximal gravitational efficiency and took a deep breath before rubbing his face with his free hand.

“What now?” he asked.

“May we continue our conversation from last night about the naked Trisk?” she repeated slowly, making sure to enunciate each word clearly.

“Darlin’,” Human Friend Steve said slowly. “I have never once discussed the clothing or lack thereof you spider types wear, and we didn’t discuss anything last night.”

Crs’klt tilted her head to the other side and considered how best to argue the point. Given that he seemed in serious earnest she could only assume he was testing her on human protocol.

“Pics or it didn’t happen,” she said in a cheerful tone. “I understand.”

He blinked rapidly in a show of confusion as she activated the holo-projector in her tablet and played what she had recorded.

“Pardon me,” holo-her said to holo-him. “I did not understand that statement.”

Holo-Human Friend Steve sat bolt-upright in his bed staring fixedly at the wall with a large grin on his face.

“Naked!” he said and then giggled.

“Naked?” Holo-Crs’klt repeated in confusion.

“They are all naked.” Holo-Human Friend Steve clarified, lifting his finger to point at the wall.
Current Human Friend Steve was staring at the recording with a look of dawning horror on his face that was making Current Crs’klt rather uncomfortable.

“Who are all naked?” Holo-Crs’klt asked.

“All the Trisk,” he replied in a slow dull tone that was contradicted by another giggle. “They are all naked. Dancing.” He giggled again.

“We do not make a habit of clothing,” she replied. “But who exactly is dancing naked?”

Holo-Human Friend Steve blinked slowly at the wall, gave another giggle, and then slowly slumped back against his pillow. The next sound he made was clearly a snore.

Crs’klt stopped the recording and looked up at Human Friend Steve expectantly.

“Pics!” She said firmly. “So it happened. Now, what Trisk were you speaking of?”

Human Friend Steve groaned and dropped his face into his hands. He muttered something about it being too early for this, though he did not specify what ‘this’ was.

“Shall we discuss the naked Trisk at lunch then?”  Crs’klt asked.

“Sure, sure,” Human Friend Steve replied. “Just, before that look up sleep walking and sleep talking in humans in the psy-database.”

“Very well,” Crs’klt said. “Enjoy your breakfast Human Friend Steve.”
​
“And please don’t show that recording to anyone else,” he requested as she left. “I’ll never live that down. “ 

So yeah. Very sorry for the lack of posts the past two weeks. I socialized too hard and died a little on the inside. Seriously it feels like a few years of my life was sucked away. Also I caught the flu. 
Hopefully the posting schedule this week will make up for it. Cheers!