I am Quilx’tch, Roving Nutritional anthropologist currently attached to the Survey Ranger Core and I need your help. You see over the past several years I have collected a large body of data (over 60,00 words) on the newest addition to our galactic community. The species know as Homo sapiens or our friends the humans. Now I am sure you have all heard, felt, seen, or sensed in your own way the stories of the bizarre and often contradictory stories of humanity. How they will softly say ‘ow’ even before they know they are hurt in a safe environment, yet will literally walk themselves to death before admitting an injury in a hostile environment. How they will willingly starve themselves until their mass had dropped to half its optimum state to feed a friend, but will fight over the last tater tot in the cafeteria.
You have know the strange rules that govern our interactions with them from immediately forbidding any activity that makes an adult human giggle for more than fifteen seconds to how to respond to a human who is darkly chuckling.
You have perhaps touched for yourself the strange, nearly hairless outer membrane of these humans flush with their radiant bio-energy and seen the biolights dancing across their stripped skin.
You have read the questions presented to the central university. Is it true that they are ignorant of their own beauty? Is is true that they will attempt to pet, tame, and domesticate the most dangerous apex predator in any location? Is it true that they name their appendages?
Through my own observations and through records from other observers I have striven to answer these perplexing questions.
However the Central University has had to direct all funding to the documentation and post event analysis of the so called “noodle incident” as the humans involved had remained obdurate in their refusal to talk about the matter and I have had to seek other funding sources to publish my work.
Thus I have submitted my body of evidence to the Earth Based company indigogo in a quest for funding.
Please share this video around and spread the word.
If you want the answers to the pressing question of why humans will go slightly out of their way to step on a crunchy leaf please choose your funding tier and purchase a copy of Humans are Weird – I Have the Data.