Humans are Weird – Thwack
The intricate network of pipes and tubing that interlaced the spaces between the decks of the human ships were a rather dull and colorless place to be. Aside from the occasional warning notation the humans had not considered it cost effective to expend resources decorating the surfaces that would only be seen during maintenance sessions or in violent emergencies. The reasoning was sound and Professor Stst’ks really had nothing to say on the topic in general. However, as she tried once again to settle herself comfortably on the portable hammock chair she found herself wishing that the dull surfaces provided something for her lesser vision field to analyze while her primary eyes focused on the study environment below her.
The cluster of long, narrow cylinders, carefully arranged to present an appearance of random distribution was an odd mirror of the environment she found herself in. These, being made of material far less processed however displayed a natural range of colors that was quite pleasing aesthetically despite the fact that this was their fifth round as research tools and they were beginning to show signs of physical wear.
She was just beginning to seriously consider drawing on the pipes, she was fairly sure there was no regulation against such marking, when the soft clicking of claws down the spider walk informed her that a colleague or student was approaching. A soft and fluffy undergraduate, carrying a pile of reading material nearly as tall as her head rounded the corner carefully, her extended claws bracing against the floor.
“Do you require aid Softling?” Professor Stst’ks asked.
“I have it,” the undergraduate replied in passable human, a little quicker than was strictly polite. “I have come to request that you let me observe the study.”
The undergraduate set the books down carefully, clearly she was being mindful of sound, and set her mandibles in a charming angle at Professor Stst’ks. The older Trisk decided to let the younger continue the conversation and turned herself so that her primary eyes were on the observation port again.
“This is probably the most controversial study to have been approved this generation,” the eager young undergraduate began after a few moments. “My father was amazed that they let you set this up, but my aunt says that we’ll get better data out of this than out of generations of passive observations.”
The observation platform hidden in the pipes lapsed into silence again and Professor Stst’ks felt herself relax. The soft undergraduate was a soothing presence and she clearly knew when it was polite to speak and when it was polite to let the words marinate in the web between their minds. The undergraduate made a few more observational comments and then selected a text on human aggression compared to Shatar aggression from the pile she had brought.
Professor Stst’ks felt an amused angle pull at her mandibles. Clearly someone had informed the undergraduate that these field observations involved far more null results than active results and the young one had taken this to her lungs when preparing her reading materiel. The continued like this in companionable silence for the better part of an hour before the enclosure below them opened and a human strolled in.
“Are we going to observe the aggression display?” the undergraduate asked eagerly as she scooted as close to Professor Stst’ks as common politeness and their hairs would allow.
“I still have not confirmed that it is an aggression display,” Professor Stst’ks reminded her in a gentle tone.
“But it does look like one?” The undergraduate barely waited the polite six seconds to add that question.
“It does resemble combat, or one of their more violent sports,” Professor Stst’ks said as she made sure the cameras were angled properly, “but no actual injury has ever been recorded from this activity.”
“I am afraid that these humans might not give the response,” Professor Stst’ks went on with a hint of regret in her voice after several moments had passed by.
“What makes you say that?” the undergraduate asked without lifting her primary eyes from where Professor Stst’ks had laid the bait.
“These are older than the base average,” Professor Stst’ks observed, “and they are more highly trained. I believe they are called officers. As one of their primary functions is to reduce the expression of instinctive behavior in the Rangers in training, they themselves display significantly less purely instinctive behavior than the average human.”
The two humans in question were discussing which flammable liquid they were going to select from the shelving unit they were facing. One was noticeably larger, with darker skin that came up to a nearly hairless dome that contrasted against the white and green of his uniform. The other appeared to have longer limbs and the thick radiation shield hairs that covered his head reflected a warm yellow glow. The two humans seemed to reach a conclusion, but didn’t immediately claim the substance they wanted. They were about to leave, to the visible disappointment of the the undergraduate, when the human with the longer limbs extended his hand towards the bait and picked one of the cylinders up. His face broke into a wide grin as he appeared to carefully find the balance point in the object. The larger human had moved a few paces ahead of him and had his back turned to the grinning human. In one fluid motion the grinning human brought the cylinder around in a great arc and struck the back of his unsuspecting companion’s head. The larger human froze in place and his eyes narrowed.
“Do you really want to do this Green?” He asked without turning his eyes to his companion. “Really?”
In reply the grinning human raised the fibrous cylinder again.
“Bonk!” he called out in a delighted tone as the cylinder connected with the larger human’s head.
“You asked for it!” the larger human cried out as he spun and snatched up another cylinder.
“Bonk,” the undergraduate observed with a curious set to her mandibles.
“Bonk,” Professor Stst’kt confirmed as she rapidly took notes.
"Humans are Weird: I Have the Data"
What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia
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