The deeply distressed groan clearly came from a human voice and Fifth Sister felt her frill twitch uneasily. She carefully placed the deep tissue sampler she had been tuning beside its mates in the case and shut it firmly. She rose from her perch and faced the door with all the dignity she could muster. Being the youngest xeno-medic ever to have graduated from the Central University was an honor to her family but it did leave her feeling out of her depth among the humans. Quite literally, she mused as First Engineer staggered around the corner and approached her.
“Need anti-inflammatory stuff,” he muttered with a slurred voice.
“That may be,” she said, stiffening her frill in a display of firmness. “However, as I have told you before, I need to properly diagnose you.”
The human groaned and muttered something about nosey medics before easing down into the diagnostic chair. Fifth Sister stood across from him and began the usual questioning even as she attached the skin sensors to his inflamed surface. She marveled anew at how much damage the human skin could take as the sensors clung to the clearly unhealthy surface. She caught a glimpse into the cavern of his mouth and her frill rippled in shock.
“It appears that your mandible protuberances are loose,” she said.
He replied with a low grade profane statement that she had learned meant that he agreed with her diagnosis and considered it too obvious to bear restating.
“It appears that your mandible is rejecting your native-“
“It’s just an allergic reaction!” He snapped. “I just need the usual stuff. The last medic just gave it to me.”
“That would be against regulations,” Fifth Sister said, trying to put sternness into her voice.
“Just get on with it,” he muttered, rotating his eyes away as he slumped in that nearly Undulate way in the chair.
Fifth Sister looked at his medical history and clicked her mandibles. It did indeed look like this was a common occurrence for First Engineer. There was a justification for simply administering the known antidote for the allergic reaction. The diagnosis however caught her attention. She tilted her head and turned to the human.
“Why,” she asked in a very non-threatening tone, “is the cause of your recurring medical issue listed as stupidity?”
The human gave a bark of laughter and grinned up at her revealing his swollen internal tissues and that strange internal appendage prodding at his loosened protuberances.
“Look, I just broke down and ate some pizza okay?” He said. “Got a little dairy and I’m reacting.”
“You file states-“ she began.
“Yeah, yeah,” the human waved her off. “Like my files says. Immature behavior, lack of self control, no intention for self harm, ie stupidity. Just make your diagnosis and give me the dermal spray.”
Fifth Sister agreed and determined to check his age against the human maturity charts. Surely a fully grown human wouldn’t deliberately ingest a known poison.