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Humans are Weird – Caution

1/29/2024

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 Humans are Weird – Caution

Quilx’tch was perched at the door of the oven excitedly when the entire building gave a soft wumph sound and one violent shake. Quilx’tch gave a click of horror as the oven jolted in response. He was vaguely aware of various alarms sounding but of far more concern was the repeated vibrations caused by the massive blast doors sliding down to isolate various sections of the university. With glum acceptance he opened the oven and tenderly removed the protein complex, now hopelessly collapsed. He prodded the congealed mass thoughtfully with one claw. The first massive jolt had doomed his efforts no doubt. With a sigh he carried the dish over to his work station and began cutting out a sample. This would provide some good data for what a failure looked like at least.
Outside the baking lab the frantic skittering of a Shatar fire response team ran past and Quilx’tch was grateful that this laboratory was confident enough in its containment procedures to have lockdown as the standardized response instead of evacuation. He recorded density for the sample and waved a camera wand around it, careful to get all angles. Records taken he took a little nibble and gave a startled click.
“This is delicious!” he declared to the nearly empty room. “Why, by the thread, do the humans insist that a souffle is ‘ruined’ if it falls?”
He dumped the rest of the food into a light weight carry case, it would just do for a test bite for a human and trotted towards the door. He examined the threat display and was calculating if wanting a human to taste his efforts before they cooled too far was enough of a necessity to override the current threat level but before he had the chance to risk offending the local Shatar head of safety and security the threat level dropped to a point where it would be permissible to travel the halls. The walkways vibrated as the blast doors retracted back to their standard position and Quilx’tch stepped lightly out into the hallway. Almost instantly the upper levels were filled with a milling mass that would no doubt resolved into frantic Winged if Quilx’tch chose to aim his main eyes up at them. He did not. However before he could reach the nearest human an umber Winged with bright blue berry juice staining his chest fur, and wing hooks, and wings, dropped down in front of him and flew backwards to keep pace.
“What was that explosion?” The Winged demanded without introduction of any sort.
Quilx’tch fought down a sigh of irritation.
“I do not know,” he said firmly.
“But you are not nearly freaked out enough to be entirely ignorant!” The Winged nearly yelled out in his excitement. He had attracted most of his flight and the edges of several others by the looks of it. “You have got to know something!”
Quilx’tch sighed and shifted the carry container in his hands.
“This is purely speculation, set your hooks into that,” Quilx’tch said, “but I suspect that Human Friend Charley put one of the new high heat tolerant portable ovens in the large crucible.”
The collective Winged pulled back with astonished chittering as they processed that.
“What data would lead you to speculate that?” one finally demanded.
“Earlier today I heard him and his lab partner reading the restrictions,” Quilx’tch explained. “They were quite curious as to why the instructions explicitly forbade placing the oven in the crucible even for cold storage. The final moments of the conversation I heard was Human Friend Charley assuring his lab partner that the crucible was very sturdy, and that they had extra small ovens.”
“Can you verify that?” One of the Winged cut in.
Quilx’tch sighed again and made a show of putting a paw up to his primary eyes.
“Well,” he said a slowly as he could. “Your distance sight is better than mine. Does that distant blur surrounded by smaller blurs coming out of the main crucible lab look like Human Friend Charley being escorted to by security to you?”
With as little politeness as focus the startled Winged instantly flew off in mass to surround the approaching blurs in a larger blurrier blurs. Quilx’tch waited patiently for the mass to come into focus and then waved two of his appendages vigorously until Human Friend Charley turned and steered the mass towards him. The Shatar head of safety was talking away about something with her frill flushed vibrant green but she did not seem to mind, or even notice when Human Friend Charley turned his attention away from her and bent over Quilx’tch.
“Sup lil bud?” Charley asked.
He was missing most of the hair on his face and his skin was glistening with both heat damage and what appeared to be rapidly applied medical gel, but his grin spoke of no discomfort and his voice was smooth.
“How does this taste?” Quilx’tch asked without introduction, holding up the protein complex. It was dreadfully impolite, but Human Friend Charley was the nearest human and it did look like the head of safety was about to drag him off.
Charley instantly opened his mouth and Quilx’tch tossed the remainder of the protein complex in. Charley chewed the food obediently but his face instantly distorted in disgust even before he swallowed. The human shook his head as he allowed the Shatar safety head to drag him away.
“Tastes awful,” the human called out before turning down to talk to the Shatar.
Quilx’tch noted that down and turned back to his lab. However before he could even move all his motile appendages a single step before a bright red Winged dropped down to the walk in front of him.
“Why aren’t you more startled?” the Winged demanded.
“Because I am used to the abrupt behavoir of your species by now,” Quilx’tch said, feeling quite proud that he did not say rudeness.
“No, No!” The Winged interjected with a wide wave of one claw. “I mean why weren’t you startled when there was an explosion that locked down the building!”
Quilx’tch heaved a sigh in the fully polite silence the Winged left after that question.
“I suppose I am growing use to the behavior of humans by now as well,” he said.
The Winged again hesitated a very polite time before responding. He kept glancing down the hall after the human.
“That does not seem safe…” the Winged said slowly.
Quilx’tch was not sure if he was referring to the explosion, Quilx’tch’s acceptance of it, or some other thing, however the Winged did not object when Quilx’tch stepped carefully around him and went back to start another souffle.

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  • Home
    • Book 1 "Humans are Weird: I Have the Data"
    • Book 2 "Humans are Weird: We Took a Vote"
    • Book 3 "Humans are Weird: Let's Work It Out"
    • "Flying Sparks"
    • "Dying Embers"
    • "Hidden Fires"
    • Testimonials
  • The Aliens
    • Dying Embers
    • Humans Are Weird
    • Miscellaneous
    • Fan Art
  • Betty's Blog
    • Humans Are Weird
  • Store: Betty's Booty
  • About & Contact
    • Bibliography
    • Links