Humans are Weird – A Hole in One
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“It is a tradition of course,” Wavesreach explained as she adjusted the cap over her gripping appendages and shifted the kilt to an easier position on her lagging end.
“Traditions are not easily explained even to member of your own species let alone others,” Wavesreach went on in cheerful tones that were utterly devoid of gestures.
Rolls-slowly tried to shake the uncanny valley sensation that caused in him.
“Hand me the lagging appendage cutting implement please,” Wavesreach gestured at the item encased in the fibrous cloth.
Rolls-slowly passed it over.
“Sock-knife,” he corrected.
Wavesreach gave a gesture of confusion as she slipped the tube and its dangerous contents over her lagging appendage.
“I heard Human Friend Bree call it a Scottish sock knife,” he explained.
Wavesreach gave a hum of acknowledgement as she pulled the sack called a sporran up to her midpoint and tightened the straps that held it down.
“And this is the traditional dress for this occasion?” He asked, unable to shake the dubious feeling.
“Human Friend MacCloud assured me it was as practicably accurate as her gran could make it,” she said. “How to I feel?”
She shuffled around to display the outfit, waving her much roughened gripping appendages to show how free for motion they were.
“You feel very, very strange” Rolls-slowly replied with as much honesty as he could muster.
Wavesreach positively rippled with humor even as several appendages adjusted the kilt to keep it and the sporran in place.
“Now what is my role in this game?” he asked.
“The sport requires so much equipment that a secondary player position was invented simply to carry it all,” she explained. “Therefore my gripping appendage will be free to wield the …”
“The club,” he offered handing her the long, skinny tool. “Shouldn’t they have scaled down the size, or at least the mass for you? They did with the uniform.”
“They offered,” Wavesreach replied with a dismissive shrug. “But I wanted to get a feel for the game as it’s supposed to be played first. As the requirements are all in clenching and gripping strength I have a hypothesis that I might be able to compete directly in this sport.”
She took the club and demonstrated with a few brief gestures what she meant. Rolls-slowly backed away from the lashing bar of carbon enforced steel at his fastest shuffle.
“This caddy job,” he asked uneasily. “It can be done from a safe distance of course?”
“Of course,” she replied cheerfully as she slid the club back into its sheath. “The equipment sheath is motorized and will follow you so all you have to do is pull out the clubs and bring the ones I ask for. I won’t be swinging then.”
“I did have a question about the scoring,” he said as they began to amble towards where the humans were waiting.
She gave him a gesture to continue.
“Counting the number of times you give a full gesture of the club at the ball per successful attempts to angle the ball into the hole seems empirical enough,” Rolls-slowly went on. “But how do I score the profanity ratio?”
“I have no idea,” Wavesreach said cheerfully. “You have memorized the list of human profanities and their proper usage?”
“I have notes to check,” he replied.
“That will have to do,” she consented. “Just ask the human caddy if you’re not sure how to score me there. Also I will stick only to human profanities for this game. That should keep it simple.”
“What if the human begins using our profanities?” Rolls-slowly asked in concern.
“That is her caddy’s concern,” Wavesreach said dismissively. “Now come on. I want to prove today that I have the stamina for all eighteen vectors! Maybe next time she’ll agree to play with sand traps!”
Thank you all so much for your updoots and feedback. It gives me the will to go on. Want to see more? Think about becoming a Patreon. Tea refuses to buy itself and the more time one has to spend on a day job the less time there is for befuddled aliens.
“It is a tradition of course,” Wavesreach explained as she adjusted the cap over her gripping appendages and shifted the kilt to an easier position on her lagging end.
“Traditions are not easily explained even to member of your own species let alone others,” Wavesreach went on in cheerful tones that were utterly devoid of gestures.
Rolls-slowly tried to shake the uncanny valley sensation that caused in him.
“Hand me the lagging appendage cutting implement please,” Wavesreach gestured at the item encased in the fibrous cloth.
Rolls-slowly passed it over.
“Sock-knife,” he corrected.
Wavesreach gave a gesture of confusion as she slipped the tube and its dangerous contents over her lagging appendage.
“I heard Human Friend Bree call it a Scottish sock knife,” he explained.
Wavesreach gave a hum of acknowledgement as she pulled the sack called a sporran up to her midpoint and tightened the straps that held it down.
“And this is the traditional dress for this occasion?” He asked, unable to shake the dubious feeling.
“Human Friend MacCloud assured me it was as practicably accurate as her gran could make it,” she said. “How to I feel?”
She shuffled around to display the outfit, waving her much roughened gripping appendages to show how free for motion they were.
“You feel very, very strange” Rolls-slowly replied with as much honesty as he could muster.
Wavesreach positively rippled with humor even as several appendages adjusted the kilt to keep it and the sporran in place.
“Now what is my role in this game?” he asked.
“The sport requires so much equipment that a secondary player position was invented simply to carry it all,” she explained. “Therefore my gripping appendage will be free to wield the …”
“The club,” he offered handing her the long, skinny tool. “Shouldn’t they have scaled down the size, or at least the mass for you? They did with the uniform.”
“They offered,” Wavesreach replied with a dismissive shrug. “But I wanted to get a feel for the game as it’s supposed to be played first. As the requirements are all in clenching and gripping strength I have a hypothesis that I might be able to compete directly in this sport.”
She took the club and demonstrated with a few brief gestures what she meant. Rolls-slowly backed away from the lashing bar of carbon enforced steel at his fastest shuffle.
“This caddy job,” he asked uneasily. “It can be done from a safe distance of course?”
“Of course,” she replied cheerfully as she slid the club back into its sheath. “The equipment sheath is motorized and will follow you so all you have to do is pull out the clubs and bring the ones I ask for. I won’t be swinging then.”
“I did have a question about the scoring,” he said as they began to amble towards where the humans were waiting.
She gave him a gesture to continue.
“Counting the number of times you give a full gesture of the club at the ball per successful attempts to angle the ball into the hole seems empirical enough,” Rolls-slowly went on. “But how do I score the profanity ratio?”
“I have no idea,” Wavesreach said cheerfully. “You have memorized the list of human profanities and their proper usage?”
“I have notes to check,” he replied.
“That will have to do,” she consented. “Just ask the human caddy if you’re not sure how to score me there. Also I will stick only to human profanities for this game. That should keep it simple.”
“What if the human begins using our profanities?” Rolls-slowly asked in concern.
“That is her caddy’s concern,” Wavesreach said dismissively. “Now come on. I want to prove today that I have the stamina for all eighteen vectors! Maybe next time she’ll agree to play with sand traps!”
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