​ Humans are Weird – Road Trip


The arrival hub of the Proxima Space Station was buzzing with the usual amount of life and noise when Shiftssubtly swam up to the check in counter. The chaotic color scheme that the humans preferred seemed appropriate to the interior of this section that they had contributed, if not particularly conductive to quiet thoughts, something that Shiftssubtly was rather in want of. He joined the waiting cluster at the terminal and absently exchanged greetings with the other returning undulates. He gave vent to a wriggle of amusement at the energetic antics of a small child traveling secured to one of her parents. She appeared to be attempting to describe a group of Shatar who were briskly striding over them. The cluster slowly rotated as each member passed the inspection and new members arrived.
“How was your exploratory outing with your human friend?” the clerk asked as Shiftssubtly regretfully abandoned his light touch on the little one and swam forward for his inspection.
Shiftssubtly wasn’t quite sure how the clerk knew what he had been doing but shrugged the question off.
“Rather confusing,” Shiftssubtly admitted. “I suspect I may have misinterpreted the purpose of the outing.”
“Please extend and rotate,” the clerk gestured to him. “Interesting, do go on.”
Shiftssubtly knew that these clerks were trained professionals. Their interest and concern was a considered a medical necessity to reintegrate Undulates who had been isolated for long periods or time back into a healthy culture. Therefore their responses were always somewhat sterile, but this clerk seemed genuinely interested. It was pleasant.
“This road trip,” Shiftssubtly explained, “Human Friend Bryant explained it to me as an attempt to make himself more familiar with the geography and natural resources of the Shatar controlled portion of Proxima Beta. He also said that they had the best roads of any planet he had been on since Earth.”
“That sounds,” the clerk agreed. “Only the Shatar build their transport currents to anything approaching human specifications.”
“We rented a wheel and axle based transport and spent the better part of the first two days modifying it for comfort.” Shiftssubtly went on. “I noted the seeming waste of time but Human Friend Bryant seemed unconcerned. Then we spent most of the third day securing foodstuffs for the human.”
“Was the local Shatar hive not able to offer much from their gardens?” the clerk asked. “Now alternate the rotation patterns for the scanner, that’s it.”
“They were able to provide us with ample food,” Shiftssubtly went on. “Human Friend Bryant seemed to want some very specific food types. They were not all Earth native but they all seemed to share certain traits. These did make them ideal for storage without refrigeration, but I am afraid that it also made them less than optimally healthy for Human Friend Bryant. He would not even let me try some of them and you know that our digestive systems are usually very comparable. The Second Father from the local garden was so distressed over what he saw of the foodstuffs that Human Friend Bryant actually decided to sneak out of the Garden rather than explain the situation.”
“You were only gone for five days,” observed the clerk. “One more rotation and we will be done with the scan set.”
“Then there is that,” Shiftssubtly admitted. “That was the most confusing part. Rather than choose one location to explore in depth Human Friend Bryant just loaded us both into the transport and drove straight along the road until we ran out of time. He only stopped to relieve his physical needs and to get fresh water for my transport tank. Not only that I was observing his eyes the whole time. You know that you can figure out generally what they are observing if you do the math based on how their eyes are aligned? Well his eyes never seemed to leave the road ahead of us. I doubt he observed the area in any detail at all.”
“Very odd,” the clerk agreed. “You are clear. Welcome back to the space station. Remember that the gravity fluctuates between the general areas and the human’s training areas.”
Shiftssubtly gave the clerk a grateful pat as he swam away into the base. The whole trip had been odd, enjoyable, what with the friendly conversation and the generally pleasant temperatures, but Shiftssubtly had to admit that he was no wisee about the ultimate purpose of a road-trip than before he had gone on one.   


"Humans are Weird: I Have the Data"
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Why do humans insist on domesticating apex predators? Why are they so delighted by retractable claws? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia



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Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 105 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!


QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $50 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08RSVHL81

​"Humans are Weird: I Have the Data"
Audible
https://www.audible.com/pd/Humans-Are-Weird-Audiobook/B097VSSLGG?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWT-BK-ACX0-265125&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_265125_rh_us



Why do humans insist on domesticating apex predators? Why are they so delighted by retractable claws? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia



Amazon (Kindle, Paperback, Audiobook)
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Kobo by Rakuten (ebook and Audiobook)
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Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 105 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!


QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $50 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08RSVHL81

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​ Humans are Weird – Sketchy


“It is so rare that we get to observe a human creating art,” Tstk’sk said as he eager slipped his paws into the protective coverings this planet’s brittle ground cover demanded, glass sand the humans called it.
The rolling ground was home to a wide variety of fungal growths that ranged from larger than the humans to small enough to grow between the hairs a Trisk’s mandibles. It just so happened that the species most adapted to growing on the footpaths was a silica rich strain that shattered to dangerous fragments when trodden on by the humans’ massive feet. On the positive side the humans had entire industries dedicated to specialty footwear and the light green coverings that Tstk’sk had been gifted by his father were both pleasing to the eyes and comfortable, or at least as comfortable as something that pushed in on all of your sensory hairs at once could be.
“I do not really see the novelty in this,” Grinds observed as he slid into his belly armor.
The low slung reptile boasted feet that were more than rated for the silica rich sand of the paths but they would collect the sand up in between their belly scoots if they spent too much time outside without protection. “I have a notebook full of human art, the majority of it from this human.”
“Scientific diagrams don’t count,” Tstk’sk explained. “That is just showing what something is on the outside. That isn’t real art.”
“I do not understand the difference,” Grinds insisted as he moved to the airlock and indicated a point between his shoulder blades with a flick of his tongue.
Tstk’sk scrambled over and climbed up to the offered perch. The reptile could not move nearly as fast as a human over long distances but his average walking speed was still quite a bit faster than that of a Trisk, making the riding style a better option that for Tstk’sk to try and keep up the pace. Tstk’sk secured his datapad in a carry pouch and focused on balancing.
“The sketches that Human Friend James did in your notebook are mostly of engine diagrams,” Tstk’sk explained. “They are simple and literal depictions of the visual surface of the objects in question. There is nothing transformative about them, there is no meaning that Human Friend James is trying to express. The are not art.”
“I object to the statement,” Grinds spoke up after a polite pause as they left the cleared area of the base behind and entered the swirling tunnels of the fungal forests. “The art is entirely transformative. Human Friend James went to great effort to chose colors and textures that I could understand. You know that those graphite pencils they favor scatter light terribly for anyone capable of properly differentiating the electromagnetic spectrum. Then he had to take the critical elements of the engine and translate them into a two dimensional form. He was expressing what he thought was the important element of the design.”
“There is certainly technical skill involved in the process,” Tstk’sk admitted. “But just look at this forest around us.”
He waved a gripping paw at the spirals upon spirals that made up the interior of the game tunnels of the fungal forests. Countless colors spread out from the shimmering opalescent fibers that served as the main bodies of the massive ultra-organisim that covered nearly the entire planet. Dotted at interval turgid orbs of blue and winding coils of a shade of yellow that was so distinct at least three universities had seen spectral analysis teams to attempt to record it mixed to give the impression that the forest was full of gravity defying masses.
“It is a lovey sight certainly,” Grinds confirmed. “I do not see that Human Friend James’s attempts to replicated it in his sketchbook would be anymore ‘art’ than his attempt yesterday to give me an accurate idea of where he suspected the blockage to be was.”
Tstk’sk refrained from answering as one of the lumbering native lifeforms came down the path. Grinds chose a thin place in the wall of the tunnel and used his powerful tail to thrash out a small den where they waited until the creature the humans called a caterpillar-corgi passed. Usually a human would just step over the creatures but the lower slung bodies of the reptiles didn’t have that option.
“Does the movement of that creature’s caudal end suggest anything in particular to you?” Grinds suddenly asked as they slipped out of the temporary refuge they had made.
“Do you mean to ask if I see the booty-bounce the humans like to laugh at?” Tstk’sk asked absently as he was more focused at the moment in cleaning the fast growing forest fibers off of his smart green paw-coverings. “I see the motion and can identify it, but I cannot find the fascination in it that humans do.”
“Human Friend James drew an entire series of sketches on the subject,” Grinds went on. “He was quite delighted when he showed them to me. He wanted me to judge if he had managed to capture the booty-bounce sufficiently in the series of still images.”
“Why did he ask you?” Tstk’sk asked in surprise.
“I suspect it was largely because I was nearby and off duty,” Grinds replied, “but he said that as I had a very nice tail myself, and was used to observing caudal motion aspects of language he judged me ideal to analyze his attempt at capturing the caterpillar-corgi booty-bounce.”
“What was your judgment,” Tstk’sk asked.
“Well you know how the graphite scatters light,” Grinds replied, “but I do think it was a fairly accurate representation of the movement.”
There was a moment of silence as they paused to consider the living image of the recalled sketch.
“So,” Grinds finally asked. “If sketches of the forest count as art, but sketches of engine dynamics don’t, to sketches of booty-bounce count as art?”  

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​ Humans are Weird – An Appealing Revelation


First Sister Northern adjusted her sheath skirt for perhaps the twentieth time and fought to keep her frill from flushing with irritated colors. The random booming of the scatter guns did not make the situation any easier. Her outer membrane was nearly a translucent pale green and while her betrothed insisted it was the most beautiful coloration he had ever seen, it was still irritating to know your emotions were being broadcast with such clarity that even the giant, lumbering bipedal aliens knew what you are feeling.
“Can I help you with that?” Third Brother asked as he swayed up to her.
First Sister Northern wondered what he thought he could do about a sheath skirt that was just a millimeter too small thanks to her most recent molt, but realized with a flush of embarrassment that he was talking about the crate she was attempting to balance with one arm.
“Please,” she agreed with a curl of her antenna.
The human swept it up easily in one of his hands, and First Sister Northern marveled again at how the stubby human fingers managed to effect such delicate handling. He stared out in the direction she had been going and First Sister Northern trotted along by his side. It was second nature by now to reach up and apply a quick pressure to Third Brother’s elbow when he was about to either wander off the path or stumble over a rock. It seemed to be second nature to Third Brother as well as he meekly, almost automatically responded to the touches that certainly had no power to force his movements.
“Where does this need to go?” Third Brother asked.
“I was taking it to the vineyard on the south slope,” she replied, and the human grunted in acknowledgment.
There was an odd note to his voice. From her experience with humans First Sister Northern knew that it usually denoted extreme focus. As this human was notorious for the casual way he usually transported large and heavy items she doubted it was because he was focused on the task at hand. Therefore she wasn’t surprised to note that his binocular eyes were clearly not focused on anything in their immediate vicinity.
“Is there one of the flying predators over the eastern hills?” she asked.
The revelation that what the initial survey team had taken to be pollinators were actually predators with no qualms about snatching the very skeins from their gardens had been a horrific shock to the colony on this world, had nearly caused the abandonment of the world despite it’s tactical importance. While First Sister Northern’s hive had been against inviting a human colony group to solve the problem none of the hive’s mother’s now questioned it’s efficacy. A sudden boom from a nearby scattergun caused both the Shatar and the human to jump and seemed to recall the absent human to the present.
“If one of those buggers are there I can’t see it,” he stated. “Why do you ask?”
“Your eyes are clearly not focused on the ground in front of you,” First Sister Northern said, giving him another push to avoid a particularly exposed root in the path. “I had assumed something was pulling your attention away.”
The human grinned down at her and for the first time First Sister Northern felt a clear and distinct unease. She might indeed be a novice at reading the fleshy expressions of human faces. She certainly had been distracted with her plans to greet and then court the First Brother who had landed just days before this human’s family had. There was no doubt she had neglected her duties as a future matriarch, leaving the tricky business of interspecies diplomacy to the wise old frills of her Grandmothers. That was all true enough, but by her Mother’s antenna she could detect a Brother hiding something he didn’t want a First Sister to know.
“You know how absent minded I am,” Third Brother said with a grin. “Not like I have anything around here worth looking at either.”
They went on a few paces while First Sister Northern let her head tilt from side to side as she inspected the human for signs of injury. Why her mind skittered immediately to bodily harm she wasn’t quite sure, but it was the way her antenna tipped. Third Brother suddenly twitched guiltily and glanced down at her.
“Not to say you ain’t worth looking at!” He assured her, his regional accent growing thicker at his flustered emotional state. “You’re right pretty. Easy on the eyes.”
“Thank you,” she said in a deliberately calm tone as her proboscis flicked out and dabbed a bit of dust off of her eye.
Third Brother looked distinctly uneasy and turned his head away and began whistling.
His shirt.
The thin, plant fiber weave was clinging to the skin on his back as if it had been applied there with more than just the saline solution the humans were constantly excreting. First Sister Northern let herself fall just behind the human. She reached up and lightly lifted the cloth from the human’s back. Third Brother jolted forward and emitted a yowl of pain that caused First Sister Northern’s antenna to curl in tight, painful coils.
“And does your Mother know that you are out of your Father’s shade with what I can assume are solar radiation burns all over your back?” First Sister Northern asked as she pulled her comm device out of it’s pouch.
“Please don’t snitch!” Third Brother gasped out.
“Oh, I am very much snitching,” First Sister Northern said in a cold tone.
Third Brother gave a groan and dropped down to a sitting position. She felt a twinge of sympathy for his plight. It was maddening to be stuck in the deep shade when the hives bustled with life and merriment. Sister duties won out easily over sentiment however. She didn’t want the culmination of her courtship marred by having a human medical emergency distracting the neighbors.   

We DID it!
100 Ratings on Amazon!
 There will be an open to all book draw now!
1st Prize will be: ... look I was going to make a list but I am hot and tired and I thought I'd have more time to plan this out. 
Like 4 physical books, 2 e-books, an audiobook, and probably some swag. I'll work out the details when the brain is braining again. 
Instructions on how to enter the draw will be on a youtube video that will be up soon. 
It will involve leaving a comment on a video.
​More details to follow. 


Humans are Weird: I Have the Data: by Betty Adams, Adelia Gibadullina, Paperback | Barnes & Noble® (barnesandnoble.com)

Humans are Weird: I Have the Data by Betty Adams - Books on Google Play

Amazon.com: Humans are Weird: I Have the Data (9798588913683): Adams, Betty, Wong, Richard, Gibadullina, Adelia: Books
​
Humans are Weird: I Have the Data eBook by Betty Adams - 1230004645337 | Rakuten Kobo United States

Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 98 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.

Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $50 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.

Audiobook - Author Self Narration 
Now avaliable on;

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Amazon,

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