Humans are Weird - War Games
The bad feeling rippled her frill for several seconds before First Cousin, was able to angle her thoughts away from the complicated tangle of prioritization in her main cone of attention. There was a shipment of Magnetes seminia arriving the next day, and although they had been preparing for weeks, the base was still in chaos. There was ample room in their facility to store the physical mass of the sample containers, but when an organism had the ability to sterilize an area through most conventional isolation materials a lab needed to be careful. One mistake could erase years of breeding efforts on a vital microbial species, or even just delay the work on more magneto-resistant species. She was just sending the order to move the Felicity orientalis to the top floor storage room as an extra security layer when what she had heard and barely seen in her prehefiery registered.
First Cousin snapped to all four feet from her couch and vigorously shook her head to straighten out her thought vines. The open foryer was now empty, the human who had spoken the words, and commited the violation was gone. Though technically two humans had commited a violation now that she was focused on the memory. First Cousin paused only long enough to note that her workstation had slipped back into general mode and followed the only unknown pheromone trail in the facility. The harsh natural light burned down into her psyche, if not onto her membrane adding a sense of harsh urgency to her hunt. The humans loved their tall, open spaces in structures built for the purposes of science, and even if the ceiling made of windows sucessfully blocked out the harmful solar radiation it did nothing to convince her deep-brain that she wasn’t going to peel to death or get snatched by a predator. She felt her fingers twitch and wished, not for the first time that she could justify carrying her Second Grandmother’s ceremonial spear during working hours. The heft of the hexagonal shaft was just so comforting when confronting the massive mammals that made her work so difficult.
She rounded one of the unnaturally sharp corners that humans favored and paused, real unease prickling her frill. The pheromone trail, and the faint hint of caffeine and bitter aromatics, led to the massive biohazard bin that sat at the junction, ready to receive whatever waste the labs spat out. That the intruder human had gained entrance by breaking University policy was suspicious, that he was now hiding in an ambush position was condemning.
First Cousin snatched up her communications device and hit the alert to summon security to her location. However, before she could explain the situation to the University dispatcher, or figure out a way to use automated responses meant to sterilize bacterial spills to restrain a mammalian predator five times her mass, First Molecular Biologist came around the corner in his usual, criminally casual way. His protective coveralls were undone and tied loosely around his waist revealing his short sleeved personal garment underneath with its irreverent and scientifically inaccurate ‘joke’ woven into the fibers, his safely goggles hung off one fleshy ear, his visual corrective lenses hung off the other in a manner that was guaranteed to damage them. He was holding an open personal beverage container in one hand meaning he had been drinking it in the lab, again. His other hand held a petri-dish and a datapad and his attention was entirely focused on reading something as he stumbled down the hallway.
First Cousin froze for a critical second, torn between arching up and attacking First Molecular Biologist over the many, many safety violations he was committing, again, and warning him of the potential attack.
She broke through the lockup and managed to click out a warning in the human audio range. First Molecular Biologist started, spilling some of his drink onto the petri dish, and the floor, and his exposed outer membrane, and glanced up at her.
“Yo, First Organizational Specialist,” he said, his face wrinkling into an expression of wry, but unrepentant humor, “I swear it’s not-”
The biohazard bin exploded open and an even larger human that First Molecular Biologist leapt out roaring at decibels First Cousin did not know humans could emit.
“Queen!Queen!”
First Molecular Biologist emitted a shriek at a frequency First Cousin had only previously heard from very small female humans and yanked the hand holding his beverage away from the attack, as if his primary fear a was having it stolen. Strange priorities, and ineffective methods if so, as most of the rest of it spilled. First Cousin wished again for her Second Grandmother’s spearas she arched to her full height and hissed furiously at the attacking human, flaring her frill red. The human might out-mass her but Shatar mandibles were far more suited for biting into their soft, fleshy outer membrane than human teeth were at returning the bites. As long as she could dodge the blows of those club like hands she could get in a few nips on his exposed neck and most humans fled at that point in her experience. Not that she could do much damage but if you acted feral enough the greater majority of humans wouldn’t call your bluff-
First Cousin paused and took a deep breath. The ‘attacking’ human had remained in the bin, bent over the side, roaring with laughter. First Molecular Biologist had staggered back, slipped on his spilled beverage, staggered, regained his always precarious footing, breathed heavily for a few moments while staring wide-eyed at the ‘attacking’ human before doing that thing where human rotated their eyes in their sockets to display annoyance.
“Real mature dip-wit,” First Molecular Biologist said.
That this was possibly the most hypocritical line of attack for someone who wore shirts with childish jokes woven into them, occurred to First Cousin as her frill began to settle.
“You scared Only Nominal Security Officer,” First Molecular Biologist said waving his now almost empty beverage cup at her.
“She’s a big girl,” the other human said as he struggled to get one leg over the edge of the bin. “She’ll get over it.”
“You made me spill my drink,” First Molecular Biologist said with a pout.
“Got you a new one,” the other human said holding out a sealed bio-hazard container with ‘drink for stupid-head’ written on the label.
“Ooo,” First Molecular Biologist replied reaching for the bag.
“Would someone explain what this,” First Cousin waved at the chaos in front of her, the spilled drink, the human in an Alpha Class biohazard suit presumably so he could hide safely in the biohazard bin, the mock-attack, and the friendly resolution, “what this all is?”
“I just found a flaw in your security,” the intruder said, flashing her all of his many, many teeth in a predatory grin, “you are welcome!”
“How did you get in Dip-wit?” First Molecular Biologist asked as he made as if to tear the biohazard bag open.
“You are not drinking or eating outside of the designated safe areas,” First Cousin hissed at him.
He stared and gave her a slightly weaker grin than the intruder had.
“A wizard never reveals his secrets,” the intruder said as he managed to fall out of the bin.
“He walked into the outer foyer,” First Cousin cut in, not caring about being rude at this point. “Told Second Mammalian Infections Researcher that you had ordered the drink and asked to be let through the security gate.”
“And Bob just let Dip-wit through?” First Molecular Biologist asked.
“It’s my roguish charm,” the other human said.
“It was psychological weakness on Second Mammalian Infections Researcher’s part,” First Cousin snapped. “One I will address with him shortly.”
“Well you have fun with that,” the intruder said, giving a cheerful wave. “I won this round of the game clear and free-”
“You did,” First Molecular Biologist said in a conceding tone, and raising his beverage in salute.
“And now I will just be off-”
First Cousin felt the vibrations of the approaching security team before either of the humans could have seen them. Four extra-large humans, two of which had Undulates trained in human restraint perched eagerly on their shoulders. They came around the corner in full bio-hazard gear and the leading human instantly flung his Undulate partner at the intruder. The intruder fell to the ground with the Undulate pinning his hands together, while cheerfully chattering something in appendage gestures. First Cousin was by no means fluent in Undulate gesture language but the sturdy little sapient seemed extremely happy to finally be using his training.
“This still counts as a win! Queen! Queen!” the intruder yelled out as two of the humans lifted him off his feed and began dragging him away.
“Whatever makes you happy Dip-wit,” First Molecular Biologist called out with a huge grin on his face.
When his friend and the security detail were out of sight he glanced down at First Cousin.
“How much trouble am I in?” he asked with that signature un-repentent smile.
“If you were my Brother I would tie you up in First Father’s garden and leave you there with nothing but you empty brain case to keep you company,” First Cousin said as she massaged her frill in an effort to calm her endocrine system down.
“That bad huh?” the human asked with a wince.
“For now I have to go deal with the more imperative issue that Second Mammalian Infections Researcher will, apparently just let anyone into roam about our most delicate experiments,” First Cousin said. “I will deal with your many, many lesser violations later.”
“You want violations, you should see what I do to Dip-wit for the next round of our game.” First Molecular Biologist said with a cheerful grin.
“Are you forgetting that I am, by legal requirement, ‘all kinds of narc’ as you described it?” First Cousin demanded, giving him her absolute best “First Sister” look.
The human only laughed and walked away, she heard the biohazard container hiss and smelled the warm scent of tea long before he would have reached a safe eating room. She sighed and began the hung for the larger security violation.
First Cousin snapped to all four feet from her couch and vigorously shook her head to straighten out her thought vines. The open foryer was now empty, the human who had spoken the words, and commited the violation was gone. Though technically two humans had commited a violation now that she was focused on the memory. First Cousin paused only long enough to note that her workstation had slipped back into general mode and followed the only unknown pheromone trail in the facility. The harsh natural light burned down into her psyche, if not onto her membrane adding a sense of harsh urgency to her hunt. The humans loved their tall, open spaces in structures built for the purposes of science, and even if the ceiling made of windows sucessfully blocked out the harmful solar radiation it did nothing to convince her deep-brain that she wasn’t going to peel to death or get snatched by a predator. She felt her fingers twitch and wished, not for the first time that she could justify carrying her Second Grandmother’s ceremonial spear during working hours. The heft of the hexagonal shaft was just so comforting when confronting the massive mammals that made her work so difficult.
She rounded one of the unnaturally sharp corners that humans favored and paused, real unease prickling her frill. The pheromone trail, and the faint hint of caffeine and bitter aromatics, led to the massive biohazard bin that sat at the junction, ready to receive whatever waste the labs spat out. That the intruder human had gained entrance by breaking University policy was suspicious, that he was now hiding in an ambush position was condemning.
First Cousin snatched up her communications device and hit the alert to summon security to her location. However, before she could explain the situation to the University dispatcher, or figure out a way to use automated responses meant to sterilize bacterial spills to restrain a mammalian predator five times her mass, First Molecular Biologist came around the corner in his usual, criminally casual way. His protective coveralls were undone and tied loosely around his waist revealing his short sleeved personal garment underneath with its irreverent and scientifically inaccurate ‘joke’ woven into the fibers, his safely goggles hung off one fleshy ear, his visual corrective lenses hung off the other in a manner that was guaranteed to damage them. He was holding an open personal beverage container in one hand meaning he had been drinking it in the lab, again. His other hand held a petri-dish and a datapad and his attention was entirely focused on reading something as he stumbled down the hallway.
First Cousin froze for a critical second, torn between arching up and attacking First Molecular Biologist over the many, many safety violations he was committing, again, and warning him of the potential attack.
She broke through the lockup and managed to click out a warning in the human audio range. First Molecular Biologist started, spilling some of his drink onto the petri dish, and the floor, and his exposed outer membrane, and glanced up at her.
“Yo, First Organizational Specialist,” he said, his face wrinkling into an expression of wry, but unrepentant humor, “I swear it’s not-”
The biohazard bin exploded open and an even larger human that First Molecular Biologist leapt out roaring at decibels First Cousin did not know humans could emit.
“Queen!Queen!”
First Molecular Biologist emitted a shriek at a frequency First Cousin had only previously heard from very small female humans and yanked the hand holding his beverage away from the attack, as if his primary fear a was having it stolen. Strange priorities, and ineffective methods if so, as most of the rest of it spilled. First Cousin wished again for her Second Grandmother’s spearas she arched to her full height and hissed furiously at the attacking human, flaring her frill red. The human might out-mass her but Shatar mandibles were far more suited for biting into their soft, fleshy outer membrane than human teeth were at returning the bites. As long as she could dodge the blows of those club like hands she could get in a few nips on his exposed neck and most humans fled at that point in her experience. Not that she could do much damage but if you acted feral enough the greater majority of humans wouldn’t call your bluff-
First Cousin paused and took a deep breath. The ‘attacking’ human had remained in the bin, bent over the side, roaring with laughter. First Molecular Biologist had staggered back, slipped on his spilled beverage, staggered, regained his always precarious footing, breathed heavily for a few moments while staring wide-eyed at the ‘attacking’ human before doing that thing where human rotated their eyes in their sockets to display annoyance.
“Real mature dip-wit,” First Molecular Biologist said.
That this was possibly the most hypocritical line of attack for someone who wore shirts with childish jokes woven into them, occurred to First Cousin as her frill began to settle.
“You scared Only Nominal Security Officer,” First Molecular Biologist said waving his now almost empty beverage cup at her.
“She’s a big girl,” the other human said as he struggled to get one leg over the edge of the bin. “She’ll get over it.”
“You made me spill my drink,” First Molecular Biologist said with a pout.
“Got you a new one,” the other human said holding out a sealed bio-hazard container with ‘drink for stupid-head’ written on the label.
“Ooo,” First Molecular Biologist replied reaching for the bag.
“Would someone explain what this,” First Cousin waved at the chaos in front of her, the spilled drink, the human in an Alpha Class biohazard suit presumably so he could hide safely in the biohazard bin, the mock-attack, and the friendly resolution, “what this all is?”
“I just found a flaw in your security,” the intruder said, flashing her all of his many, many teeth in a predatory grin, “you are welcome!”
“How did you get in Dip-wit?” First Molecular Biologist asked as he made as if to tear the biohazard bag open.
“You are not drinking or eating outside of the designated safe areas,” First Cousin hissed at him.
He stared and gave her a slightly weaker grin than the intruder had.
“A wizard never reveals his secrets,” the intruder said as he managed to fall out of the bin.
“He walked into the outer foyer,” First Cousin cut in, not caring about being rude at this point. “Told Second Mammalian Infections Researcher that you had ordered the drink and asked to be let through the security gate.”
“And Bob just let Dip-wit through?” First Molecular Biologist asked.
“It’s my roguish charm,” the other human said.
“It was psychological weakness on Second Mammalian Infections Researcher’s part,” First Cousin snapped. “One I will address with him shortly.”
“Well you have fun with that,” the intruder said, giving a cheerful wave. “I won this round of the game clear and free-”
“You did,” First Molecular Biologist said in a conceding tone, and raising his beverage in salute.
“And now I will just be off-”
First Cousin felt the vibrations of the approaching security team before either of the humans could have seen them. Four extra-large humans, two of which had Undulates trained in human restraint perched eagerly on their shoulders. They came around the corner in full bio-hazard gear and the leading human instantly flung his Undulate partner at the intruder. The intruder fell to the ground with the Undulate pinning his hands together, while cheerfully chattering something in appendage gestures. First Cousin was by no means fluent in Undulate gesture language but the sturdy little sapient seemed extremely happy to finally be using his training.
“This still counts as a win! Queen! Queen!” the intruder yelled out as two of the humans lifted him off his feed and began dragging him away.
“Whatever makes you happy Dip-wit,” First Molecular Biologist called out with a huge grin on his face.
When his friend and the security detail were out of sight he glanced down at First Cousin.
“How much trouble am I in?” he asked with that signature un-repentent smile.
“If you were my Brother I would tie you up in First Father’s garden and leave you there with nothing but you empty brain case to keep you company,” First Cousin said as she massaged her frill in an effort to calm her endocrine system down.
“That bad huh?” the human asked with a wince.
“For now I have to go deal with the more imperative issue that Second Mammalian Infections Researcher will, apparently just let anyone into roam about our most delicate experiments,” First Cousin said. “I will deal with your many, many lesser violations later.”
“You want violations, you should see what I do to Dip-wit for the next round of our game.” First Molecular Biologist said with a cheerful grin.
“Are you forgetting that I am, by legal requirement, ‘all kinds of narc’ as you described it?” First Cousin demanded, giving him her absolute best “First Sister” look.
The human only laughed and walked away, she heard the biohazard container hiss and smelled the warm scent of tea long before he would have reached a safe eating room. She sighed and began the hung for the larger security violation.
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