Humans are Weird - Vengeance is Mine
Tsk’tsk drew in a deep breath, letting it expand his lung to a comfortable stretch and visibly lifted his primary gripping appendages away from his work station. He took the time to stretch and shake out each appendage and clicked his chelicerae loudly in satisfaction. Ckck’ks, an almost painfully young transfer from the University, his body covered in dense fluffy fur, stepped into the orb of his office with slightly more confidence than he had shown when he had first hesitated at the entrance. Tsk’tsk arranged his appendages in a polite attentive posture and waited for the fluffy hatchling to speak.“I do not know if I have something of the nature of a security issue to report,” Ckck’ks said, unease in every angle of his body.
Tsk’tsk waited twice the polite six seconds before responding.
“You do not wish to pluck the web of the human’s character?” he asked.
Ckck’ks positively puffed out in shock and the fluffy one’s primary eyes stared at him out of the dense brown fur in innocent amazement. Tsk’tsk wondered idly if he should explain that when someone came to the chief of security with a problem that did not fit cleanly into the weave there was usually a human plucking the threads somewhere, but the fluffy thing visibly shook himself and shifted his datapad between his two gripping paws.
“There is a, a profound personal disagreement between two of the humans on base,” Ckck’ks began slowly, “my personal friend James Rodgers and his friend Susan Alan. I think that perhaps formal intervention would help.”
Tsk’tsk ran a paw over his chelicerae thoughtfully. As fluffy a hatchling as he looked, Ckck’ks had graduated with respectable grades from the University and was presumably an adult, legally at least. He should understand basic professional separation of one’s home web and one’s professional web.
“I take it that this disagreement is interfering with the daily weaving of the base?” Tsk’tsk asked, tapping one paw claw rather pointedly against the ground behind him. Ckck’ks’s pause was a bit more than polite and his appendages shifted uneasily.
“It will soon,” he said slowly, “if we don’t weave around the disruption. I think that human screams would be quite disruptive to the daily weave of the base.”
Tsk’tsk stiffened and dropped his appendages back down to his work station, opening up another casefile without taking his primary eyes off of Ckck’ks. “Perhaps you should start from the beginning before you get to the screaming,” he suggested.
Ckck’ks bobbed his center of mass in agreement. “Human Friend James and Human Friend Susan were mutually put in charge of defending the base against those long bodied insects with the legs that extend, the humans call them stilt roaches. Three months ago they had a disagreement as to which of the chemical repellents was the best and Human Friend Susan used the one she preferred without telling Human Friend James. I do not know that that is what led to the stilt-roach infestation in Human Friend James’s sleeping quarters but he blames it on her.” Ckck’ks paused and rubbed a few paws together in a visible effort to center himself. “Human Friend Susan was transferred to the northern base immediately after that for an unrelated task but Human Friend James never retracted the vow of revenge he had made during their last confrontation. I think he is going to enact that revenge the first night Human Friend Susan is back.”
Ckck’ks stopped speaking and rested back on his hindmost appendages in the way that indicated he was done speaking. Tsk’tsk pondered the information as his paws tapped lightly on the screen of his work station.
“Your information suggests that Human Friend James is going to deliberately cause a stilt-roach infestation in her sleeping quarters,” Tsk’tsk said slowly. “However we are long past the local stilt-roach season. Has Human Friend James been breeding them in captivity?”
Ckck’ks gave an oddly unreadable full-body twitch and waved a paw in negation. “My apologies, I left out critical information. When Human Friend James found the stilt-roach infestation he trapped the majority of them and euthanized them using a cold box. He then removed their soft tissues and preserved their exoskeletons. Over the past three months he has created a template for, and printed out the components to, a system to animate the stilt-roach remains as robots. He wrote a simple code that controls all of them to display behavior that, while recognizably that of stilt-roaches, displays a primary swarm chase behavior. I presume he will focus this on Human Friend Susan.” He fell silent and looked at Tsk’tsk with a pleading expression on his fluffy face.
Tsk’tsk stared at him, his paws frozen over his work station, and took much, much longer than a merely polite six seconds to process that.
“The human,” he finally said slowly, “fabricated out of his own mental silk, a framework to make a stilt-roach into a functional robot, and he individually assembled, how many of these robots?”
“Close to a hundred,” Ckck’ks informed him with a full body twitch, “he showed me. I saw them.”
“And you believe that he intends to use this feat of applied mechanics to extract petty revenge on another human?”
“That is what he explicitly told me,” Ckck’ks said.
“How much time did he spend on this?” Tsk’tsk demanded.
“From what he told me,” Ckck’ks said, “he has been using all of his personal free time, as well as biting into his sleep schedule to no small degree. He, he does not look well rested…” Ckck’ks drifted off, his paws shuffling randomly.
Tsk’tsk let another long silence drag out. “And you are quite sure there will be screaming loud enough to disturb the base?” He asked, knowing he was flinging dry web against the wind.
“Human Friend Susan Alan has two lungs,” Ckck’ks said in a tone of hollow acceptance, “and she knows how to use them.”
Tsk’tsk waited twice the polite six seconds before responding.
“You do not wish to pluck the web of the human’s character?” he asked.
Ckck’ks positively puffed out in shock and the fluffy one’s primary eyes stared at him out of the dense brown fur in innocent amazement. Tsk’tsk wondered idly if he should explain that when someone came to the chief of security with a problem that did not fit cleanly into the weave there was usually a human plucking the threads somewhere, but the fluffy thing visibly shook himself and shifted his datapad between his two gripping paws.
“There is a, a profound personal disagreement between two of the humans on base,” Ckck’ks began slowly, “my personal friend James Rodgers and his friend Susan Alan. I think that perhaps formal intervention would help.”
Tsk’tsk ran a paw over his chelicerae thoughtfully. As fluffy a hatchling as he looked, Ckck’ks had graduated with respectable grades from the University and was presumably an adult, legally at least. He should understand basic professional separation of one’s home web and one’s professional web.
“I take it that this disagreement is interfering with the daily weaving of the base?” Tsk’tsk asked, tapping one paw claw rather pointedly against the ground behind him. Ckck’ks’s pause was a bit more than polite and his appendages shifted uneasily.
“It will soon,” he said slowly, “if we don’t weave around the disruption. I think that human screams would be quite disruptive to the daily weave of the base.”
Tsk’tsk stiffened and dropped his appendages back down to his work station, opening up another casefile without taking his primary eyes off of Ckck’ks. “Perhaps you should start from the beginning before you get to the screaming,” he suggested.
Ckck’ks bobbed his center of mass in agreement. “Human Friend James and Human Friend Susan were mutually put in charge of defending the base against those long bodied insects with the legs that extend, the humans call them stilt roaches. Three months ago they had a disagreement as to which of the chemical repellents was the best and Human Friend Susan used the one she preferred without telling Human Friend James. I do not know that that is what led to the stilt-roach infestation in Human Friend James’s sleeping quarters but he blames it on her.” Ckck’ks paused and rubbed a few paws together in a visible effort to center himself. “Human Friend Susan was transferred to the northern base immediately after that for an unrelated task but Human Friend James never retracted the vow of revenge he had made during their last confrontation. I think he is going to enact that revenge the first night Human Friend Susan is back.”
Ckck’ks stopped speaking and rested back on his hindmost appendages in the way that indicated he was done speaking. Tsk’tsk pondered the information as his paws tapped lightly on the screen of his work station.
“Your information suggests that Human Friend James is going to deliberately cause a stilt-roach infestation in her sleeping quarters,” Tsk’tsk said slowly. “However we are long past the local stilt-roach season. Has Human Friend James been breeding them in captivity?”
Ckck’ks gave an oddly unreadable full-body twitch and waved a paw in negation. “My apologies, I left out critical information. When Human Friend James found the stilt-roach infestation he trapped the majority of them and euthanized them using a cold box. He then removed their soft tissues and preserved their exoskeletons. Over the past three months he has created a template for, and printed out the components to, a system to animate the stilt-roach remains as robots. He wrote a simple code that controls all of them to display behavior that, while recognizably that of stilt-roaches, displays a primary swarm chase behavior. I presume he will focus this on Human Friend Susan.” He fell silent and looked at Tsk’tsk with a pleading expression on his fluffy face.
Tsk’tsk stared at him, his paws frozen over his work station, and took much, much longer than a merely polite six seconds to process that.
“The human,” he finally said slowly, “fabricated out of his own mental silk, a framework to make a stilt-roach into a functional robot, and he individually assembled, how many of these robots?”
“Close to a hundred,” Ckck’ks informed him with a full body twitch, “he showed me. I saw them.”
“And you believe that he intends to use this feat of applied mechanics to extract petty revenge on another human?”
“That is what he explicitly told me,” Ckck’ks said.
“How much time did he spend on this?” Tsk’tsk demanded.
“From what he told me,” Ckck’ks said, “he has been using all of his personal free time, as well as biting into his sleep schedule to no small degree. He, he does not look well rested…” Ckck’ks drifted off, his paws shuffling randomly.
Tsk’tsk let another long silence drag out. “And you are quite sure there will be screaming loud enough to disturb the base?” He asked, knowing he was flinging dry web against the wind.
“Human Friend Susan Alan has two lungs,” Ckck’ks said in a tone of hollow acceptance, “and she knows how to use them.”
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