Humans are Weird – Touch Down
“That is the seventh,” Third Sister said with a satisfied click as she marked the video feed on her screen with a timestamp.
“Show it to me! Show it to me!” First Brother cried out, all four feet dancing with eager delight.
Third Sister clicked with amusement and squatted down so he could see how she was marking the time and occurrence.
“He twitched and frowned and brushed it off!” First Brother stated eagerly.
“Quite, and as proof I am now saving it to upload to the hive network here,” she explained as she demonstrated.
“So all the Sisters who wanted to can do their bets?” First Brother asked.
“No,” Third Sister corrected him, “the Sisters and Aunts placed all their bets before I started this recording. That makes it fair.”
“Oh! Because it’s already been seven times!” First Brother exclaimed. “Everyone would want to change their bets to bigger numbers.”
He paused, rocking back and forth on his legs, before titling his pale green head to the side.
“What did you bet?” He asked.
“As an official I cannot ethically participate in the betting,” Third Sister stated.
“Second Sister made you do this so she could bet?” First Brother asked.
Third Sister’s antenna coiled in annoyance.
“Be still,” she said, “the detritavore is approaching Human Brother Unicus again.”
First Brother made a valiant effort to be still as they both turned their attention, and Second Sister turned her recording tablet on the massive male human who was sprawled out across a rock, basking in the weak solar radiation available in this hemisphere at this time of the year. He had shed over half of his usual clothing to more efficiently catch the radiation he needed for critical nutrient formation displaying the fact that the majority of his body was covered in thick, black sensory hairs. While most humans had such hairs in Third Sister’s experience she had never seen such density.
Fortunately for her purposes Human Brother Unicus had felt the time pass heavily and was reading to
amuse himself. His focus on the reading material left him not only unaware of their presence but particularly susceptible to the events they were here to record.
A local flying insect, as large as Third Sister’s thumb and sporting a brilliant iridescent sheen was slowly circling its way through the air towards Human Brother Unicus. The “winter flies” a the humans called them, were carnivorous detritavores, waking in the cold portions of the hemisphere feed and breed.
“When do you think he is going to scream though?” First Brother asked.
“I do not think he will,” Third Sister stated. “He is much to large a human to emit a scream in a non-life threatening situation. He will grunt loudly. It is all a human with such a massive chest cavity can manage.”
“Why are humans so freaked out about the winter flies anyway?” First Brother asked as Third Sister timestamped the creature’s final approach.
“It is an instinctive avoidance of disease transmission,” Third Sister explained. “One of us responds much the same way if the coating on our outer membrane starts to fail.”
First Brother paused his near constant movement and tilted his head at her in perplexity.
“They are afraid they will get sick if the winter flies touch them,” Third Sister tried again, “and it is a smart thing to be afraid of.”
At that moment the insect touched down on the particularity dense hairs on the human’s thick arm and every visible muscle on the human seemed to undergo a spasm. He leap up from his perch, slapped the patch of skin the insect had touched, and gave a loud, high-pitched distress sound.
“Looks like it was good you didn’t bet!” First Brother said, dancing sideways in his amusement.
Third Sister didn’t dignify that with a response as she dutifully logged the response.
“He is getting the portable insect repellent field generator out of his bag,” she said. “We can gather no more data here.”
“Why didn’t he get out the generator when he first got to the rock?” First Brother asked as they trekked back to the main hive.
“I do not know,” Third Sister replied.
“Why didn’t he get the generator out after the first time the winter fly landed on him?” First Brother pressed.
“I do not know,” she said again.
“Why didn’t he slap at the fly any of the previous times it touched-”
“First Brother,” Third Sister interjected abruptly. “Are you genuinely asking me these questions or do you just want to ponder into the canopy?”
First Brother paused and pondered over that a moment.
“Ponder into the canopy!” he finally decided before skipping along the trail again. “The hive knows that humans don’t make sense so I know you can’t answer.”
Third Sister watched him trot down the trail with amusement before following.
“Show it to me! Show it to me!” First Brother cried out, all four feet dancing with eager delight.
Third Sister clicked with amusement and squatted down so he could see how she was marking the time and occurrence.
“He twitched and frowned and brushed it off!” First Brother stated eagerly.
“Quite, and as proof I am now saving it to upload to the hive network here,” she explained as she demonstrated.
“So all the Sisters who wanted to can do their bets?” First Brother asked.
“No,” Third Sister corrected him, “the Sisters and Aunts placed all their bets before I started this recording. That makes it fair.”
“Oh! Because it’s already been seven times!” First Brother exclaimed. “Everyone would want to change their bets to bigger numbers.”
He paused, rocking back and forth on his legs, before titling his pale green head to the side.
“What did you bet?” He asked.
“As an official I cannot ethically participate in the betting,” Third Sister stated.
“Second Sister made you do this so she could bet?” First Brother asked.
Third Sister’s antenna coiled in annoyance.
“Be still,” she said, “the detritavore is approaching Human Brother Unicus again.”
First Brother made a valiant effort to be still as they both turned their attention, and Second Sister turned her recording tablet on the massive male human who was sprawled out across a rock, basking in the weak solar radiation available in this hemisphere at this time of the year. He had shed over half of his usual clothing to more efficiently catch the radiation he needed for critical nutrient formation displaying the fact that the majority of his body was covered in thick, black sensory hairs. While most humans had such hairs in Third Sister’s experience she had never seen such density.
Fortunately for her purposes Human Brother Unicus had felt the time pass heavily and was reading to
amuse himself. His focus on the reading material left him not only unaware of their presence but particularly susceptible to the events they were here to record.
A local flying insect, as large as Third Sister’s thumb and sporting a brilliant iridescent sheen was slowly circling its way through the air towards Human Brother Unicus. The “winter flies” a the humans called them, were carnivorous detritavores, waking in the cold portions of the hemisphere feed and breed.
“When do you think he is going to scream though?” First Brother asked.
“I do not think he will,” Third Sister stated. “He is much to large a human to emit a scream in a non-life threatening situation. He will grunt loudly. It is all a human with such a massive chest cavity can manage.”
“Why are humans so freaked out about the winter flies anyway?” First Brother asked as Third Sister timestamped the creature’s final approach.
“It is an instinctive avoidance of disease transmission,” Third Sister explained. “One of us responds much the same way if the coating on our outer membrane starts to fail.”
First Brother paused his near constant movement and tilted his head at her in perplexity.
“They are afraid they will get sick if the winter flies touch them,” Third Sister tried again, “and it is a smart thing to be afraid of.”
At that moment the insect touched down on the particularity dense hairs on the human’s thick arm and every visible muscle on the human seemed to undergo a spasm. He leap up from his perch, slapped the patch of skin the insect had touched, and gave a loud, high-pitched distress sound.
“Looks like it was good you didn’t bet!” First Brother said, dancing sideways in his amusement.
Third Sister didn’t dignify that with a response as she dutifully logged the response.
“He is getting the portable insect repellent field generator out of his bag,” she said. “We can gather no more data here.”
“Why didn’t he get out the generator when he first got to the rock?” First Brother asked as they trekked back to the main hive.
“I do not know,” Third Sister replied.
“Why didn’t he get the generator out after the first time the winter fly landed on him?” First Brother pressed.
“I do not know,” she said again.
“Why didn’t he slap at the fly any of the previous times it touched-”
“First Brother,” Third Sister interjected abruptly. “Are you genuinely asking me these questions or do you just want to ponder into the canopy?”
First Brother paused and pondered over that a moment.
“Ponder into the canopy!” he finally decided before skipping along the trail again. “The hive knows that humans don’t make sense so I know you can’t answer.”
Third Sister watched him trot down the trail with amusement before following.
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