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Humans are Weird – Smell This

5/7/2025

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 Humans are Weird – Smell This

Quilx’tch gingerly set the canister of gas infused fruit juice in the cooling unit and then turned to the cutting surface where Fss’tss was finely dicing the massive chunks of melon that Bob had procured for them from the human’s garden. Fss’tss paused to flourish three of the four knives she was wielding in an – entirely unnecessary and exhibitionist in Quilx’tch’s opinion – gesture at the currently cold stew pot.
“Shall you get that hotted up?” she prompted. 
Quilx’tch waved four of his paws in a gesture of assent as he hopped over to the heat controls. He would rather the young chit take it as mild mockery of her own around-twice behavior, but from the smooth set of her, very many hairs, she seemed rather pleased than not with his mock-exuberance. With a disgruntled click Quilx’tch settled back down on most of his paws and turned on the heat under the stew pot. 
Fss’tss began sliding her knives under the diced fruit and flinging it into the pot. Quilx’tch flinched back, but not only did the flesh itself land in the water, so precise was Fss’tss’s aim and energy  that the droplets of juice and rebounding water did not escape the container. Still Quilx’tch was on the very outer hair of snapping at her to be more careful when the massive human door opened with a whoosh of air as the pressure compensatory prevented a gust of wind that might disturb delicate culinary experiments. 
Marina, one of the local colonists who took full advantage of having a University test kitchen close to her home, strode in, her bifocal eyes scanning the room with predatory eagerness. One of her hands was raised and clutched something unseen. Her gaze finally landed on them and she lunged over, thrusting up her hand to their level. 
“Quick! Hissy-Fit!” she called out eagerly. “Smell this!”
Fss’tss immediately sheathed her knives and scampered forward, expanding her mandibles to drink in the aroma profile of whatever was off-gassing from Marina’s hand. Something Quilx’tch could easily observe from where he had landed after jumping away from the proffered hand. Fss’tss was now bracing her two primary paws against Marina’s fingers and rubbing her mandibles together in appreciation. 
“That is delicious!” the Trisk exclaimed. “Has it been cleared for flavoring yet?”
“No,” Marina said in the sighing tones humans used for regret. “We only just extracted it from a local fungus. The fancy science boys have figured out it’s no poison, but they’ve not yet begun to test interactions. Don’t you want a sniff Quick?” 
Quilx’tch trotted back into range and bobbed his body respectfully. 
“Now that I am sure it is something nice smelling, I would quite like to smell it,” he agreed. 
“Quilx’tch!” Fss’tss exclaimed, “how rude!” and the fluffy little chit had the absolute gall to genuinely seem shocked at his behavior! 
Quilx’tch gave her withering grimace using all his mandibles before loosening them to scent the  dried fungal extract, which did indeed smell delicious. In fact, it had almost a perfect flavor profile to compliment their melon stew and Quilx’tch felt a touch of regret that they wouldn’t be able to use it today. 
“Wasn’t that rude by human standards?” Fss’tss was pressing Marina.
However the human only laughed and shook her head. 
“That depends,” she said. “Does Quick here have mostly brothers, or mostly sisters?”
“What does that have to do with it?” Fss’tss demanded. 
“Eh, you know,” Marina replied with a vague gesture of her free hand as she popped the fungal extract into her mouth. 
“I think,” Quilx’tch said when it was clear that Marina wasn’t planning on expanding on the topic any time soon. “That what Marina means to imply, is that I, having been primarily exposed to human males, at perhaps a seven to three ratio, am more used to the results of such interactions being very different.”
To do her credit Fss’tss visibly tried to wait the full six seconds of politeness before replying, her paws dancing as she restrained her question. 
“Different how?” She finally blurted out. 
Marina gulped down the remains of the fungal extract and grinned at them as she used those paper thin human claws to pick a bit of fiber out from between her teeth. 
“That’s one of the differences between human males and females,” she said. “See, when a lady like myself tells you to smell something it surely smells nice. When brother Andrei tells you to smell something, well, there’s a decent enough chance it’s just…”
The human paused, the way her eyes ran over them suggesting she was more calculating the social implications of the adjective she wanted to use rather than seeking for a potential adjective, finally her face rippled into a lopsided smile. 
“Nasty,” she finally concluded the sentence. 
Feeling rather impressed by Fss’tss’s display of self control in letting the human finish without interruption Quilx’tch was hardly surprised when the young Trisk bounced forward demanding to know what nasty things Marian’s brothers had demanded she smell. Quilx’tch examined the piles of diced melon still left on the cutting surface and began transferring them to the now simmering stew pot. He had not really noticed if the trend of humans wanting to share ‘nasty’ smells was a gendered phenomenon but in retrospect there might be a trend that way. He also speculated that the adjective Marian had wanted to use might be the mild profanity used to describe fecal matter and it might be a good idea to privately communicate to her that it was entirely socially acceptable to use it even around young Trisk like Fss’tss. Currently their conversation seemed to have unstrung itself and Marian was admiring Fss’tss’s knives. 
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  • Home
    • Book 1 "Humans are Weird: I Have the Data"
    • Book 2 "Humans are Weird: We Took a Vote"
    • Book 3 "Humans are Weird: Let's Work It Out"
    • Book 4 "Humans are Weird: I Did the Math"
    • "Flying Sparks"
    • "Dying Embers"
    • "Hidden Fires"
    • Testimonials
  • The Aliens
    • Dying Embers
    • Humans Are Weird
    • Miscellaneous
    • Fan Art
  • Betty's Blog
    • Humans Are Weird
  • Store: Betty's Booty
  • About & Contact
    • Bibliography
    • Links