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Humans are Weird - Reaction

11/28/2025

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Humans are Weird - Reaction

 Humans are Weird – Reaction


Excited clicking flowed down the pathway ahead of the youngest members of the wing. The gliding thermals of the homeworld forbid any officer call them fluffy, but they were, Wing Commander Eighth Trill mused as the speakers swept forward and landed around him, bouncing with eagerness.
“Do you want to see the human jump?”
“He’s obviously terrified.”
“But there’s no threat!”
“Did it to himself!”
“Might share the food with us if he notices us!”
“But he can’t notice us before the alert!”
The speakers paused for a beat and Wing Commander Eighth Trill sighed and carefully placed the paper notes he was examining in his satchel.
“Very well,” he said. “Let’s go watch the human jump.”
There was a wave of trills as the youngsters took off, and an equally intense wave of sighs as many horned elders behind him stretched off of their perches.
“How did we ever get in a stream with this big of an age distribution gap?” the Wing Second muttered as he took off.
“That is for the university to determine,” the Wing Commander replied. “And be honest, aren’t you a little curious to see what makes the human jump?”
“Maybe a little,” the Wing Second agreed in a grumbling tone.
They exited the pathway and flew out into the cavernous reaches of the human communal spaces. Which human the youngsters were talking about was immediately obvious. There were three humans in the space, but two of them were sprawled out sleeping on the ‘couches’. The only currently mobile human was a male in the center of the food preparation area. The absurdly long mammal was bracing the fatty portion of his center point against the lip of the preparation surface. Every muscle in the human’s body was stiff with tension. His eyes were flicking back and forth over the various items and foodstuffs on the preparation surface, but kept coming back to the light display that was blinking on the surface of one of the heating units.
“Fifty-five seconds left!”
“Watch, watch, watch!”
“He should know!”
“He does know!”
“He set the timer!”
The youngsters were chittering deliberately too high for the human to hear and the medic scolded them for rudeness. They argued the point long enough that Wing Commander Eighth Trill thought he might actually be the only one who was watching the human directly when the timer-countdown reached zero. As predicted the human twitched violently,, his arms coming up as if to protect his hears from the sound, which was rather harsh, before he lunged at the heating unit. The human’s thick finger fumbled the the first touch and then jabbed at the control surface a second time before successfully silencing the alert. The sound eliminated the human heaved a sigh of relief and glanced over at his sleeping companions.
“Maybe he is concerned about the quality of the other humans’ sleep?” the medic suggested.
“It’s not their sleep cycle,” Wing Commander Eighth Trill replied, truly curious now.
“Besides, we’ve seen him throw boots at sleeping wingmates!”
There was a ripple of laughter as the flight watched the human remove his food from the heating unit.
“Oohh, is that?”
“That’s meat!”
“Juicy meat!”
“Fluff your fur! It’s time to beg!”
The youngsters, apparently not minding being sen as fluffy when there was food on the offer, flitted down to catch the eye of the human. Wing Commander Eighth Trill felt his ears twitch.
“Why does the human find the timer so stressful?” the medic grumbled.  
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Humans are Weird - Bigger

11/17/2025

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Humans are Weird - Bigger

 “The extraction process is very involved,” Second Sister explained as she pulled out the beautiful little canister.
Second Father and the first three Cousins had spent the entire growth season designing the shape, the patterns, and the scent profile of the containers to be pleasing to both humans and Shatar. They had decided on a shape roughly the size of the seed pods that produced the products the containers held, with concessions for making it able to sit evenly in the flat surface of a human cupboard. The surface was etched with representations of the leafs and flowers of the plant.
“Oh! This is nice!” Sift exclaimed and she heaved herself up on her hind legs and sniffed at the container. “And you say you managed to distill the volitiles without sacrificing the nutrient profile?”
“It is not a distillation process per se,” Second Sister corrected her. “It is more a-”
“What is that smell?” a human voice suddenly demanded, “It is delicious!”
“Mary!” Sift called out, “Come flick your tongue over this! The Shatar have developed a simply delightful scented nutrient blend just in time for harvest gifts!”
Mary came over, balancing her single hatchling on her wide, round hips. She looked eagerly at the items that Second Sister showed her, but visibly lost interest when it was explained that the fluid was meant to be applied topically.
“This looks interesting,” Mary said as she swayed her towering form away from them with an apologetic bob of her very round head. “But I came to get the snacks I stored in the community fridge.”
“Is your little one eating solid foods yet?” Second Sister asked, tilting her triangular head in interest even as she carefully placed the container back in the basket.
“Nope!” Mary announced as she bent herself around both the very, very plump baby on her hip so she could reach into the low refrigeration unit provided for day use in this community space. “These are snacks for me! I have the nursing munchies you know!”
“Yes,” Second Sister observed, falling silent a moment and resting her hands on her basket as she examined Mary, tilting her head this way and that.
Mary happily munched down on the layers of bread, protein, and leafy greens she had brought from her home-nest, seemingly unconcerned with the scrutiny. Granted most of the human’s attention was given to preventing her little one from snatching the snack for himself. Finally the Shatar straightened and gave an attention click. Mary glanced at her with a smile rounded by the food in her mouth.
“Are you larger by mass than you were last time I was in this area?” Second Sister finally asked.
Mary paused in her chewing and blinked rapidly.
“Oh!” Sift exclaimed. “Yes, Shatar don’t really understand proper chewing. Don’t worry Mary I can answer this one for you, just focus on enjoying that bread!”
“You smell,” Sift said turning to the Shatar, “When a female has to carry their offspring inside of them, the joined zygote stage you know, well that takes a lot of energy. We reptile types don’t do that nearly as long as a mammal but we still have to prepare, our bodies I mean, metabolically.”
“How do you know so much as to answer for a human?” Second Sister asked.
“A reasonable question,” Sift commented, “and that is actually why I have been spending so much time with Mary and her family. I wanted to observe the process of, well I think you Shatar would say watching a First Sister become a First Mother.”
Second Sister curled an antenna to show she was following.
“The point is that in order to reproduce inside yourself you need a lot of stored energy, just in case something goes wrong an you can’t eat because of localized food shortages or even gastric illness,” Sift went on. “The solution is to build up fat deposits. Very easy if you don’t have an exoskeleton to worry about having to shed. My mother, at least my father says so, though he is biased naturally-”
“Naturally,” agreed the Shatar with an amused set to her mandibles.
“He says she had the fattest tail in the colony by the time my clutch was laid, and it stayed that way so that she had to deliberately exercise it off after we were walking!”
Sift felt her throat puff up a little in pride at the memory.
“But isn’t Human First Mother Mary finished with this reproductive cycle?” Second Sister asked.
“No, no, no!” Sift exclaimed. “She is a mammal remember! She is burning copious calories producing all that milk from her mammary glands! Her body won’t let her mass go down until that stage is well over. Until then her thighs are going to be round and plump! Humans have no external tail you know, so they can’t store it there.”
Mary finished chewing the sandwich and gave them a smile as she arranged her child on her hip.
“A fine explanation,” she said to Sift. “Caio friends!”
Second Sister watched the human leave and her frill rippled uneasily.

“Did we offend Human First Mother Mary?” she asked.
“Not that I saw,” Sift replied. “Why do you ask?”
“Her pheromone profile shifted dramatically during our conversation,” Second Sister said. “I am not very familiar with human pheromones but hers did seem offended.”
“Well if she was, it almost certainly didn’t have anything to do with us,” Sift assured her. “Personal knowledge informs me that Mary is very open to my discussing her biology, and why would any thinking person be offended by a discussion of how successful her body was at supporting her offspring?”
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Humans are Weird – Touch Down

11/8/2025

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​ Humans are Weird – Touch Down

 “That is the seventh,” Third Sister said with a satisfied click as she marked the video feed on her screen with a timestamp.
“Show it to me! Show it to me!” First Brother cried out, all four feet dancing with eager delight.
Third Sister clicked with amusement and squatted down so he could see how she was marking the time and occurrence.
“He twitched and frowned and brushed it off!” First Brother stated eagerly.
“Quite, and as proof I am now saving it to upload to the hive network here,” she explained as she demonstrated.
“So all the Sisters who wanted to can do their bets?” First Brother asked.
“No,” Third Sister corrected him, “the Sisters and Aunts placed all their bets before I started this recording. That makes it fair.”
“Oh! Because it’s already been seven times!” First Brother exclaimed. “Everyone would want to change their bets to bigger numbers.”
He paused, rocking back and forth on his legs, before titling his pale green head to the side.
“What did you bet?” He asked.
“As an official I cannot ethically participate in the betting,” Third Sister stated.
“Second Sister made you do this so she could bet?” First Brother asked.
Third Sister’s antenna coiled in annoyance.
“Be still,” she said, “the detritavore is approaching Human Brother Unicus again.”
First Brother made a valiant effort to be still as they both turned their attention, and Second Sister turned her recording tablet on the massive male human who was sprawled out across a rock, basking in the weak solar radiation available in this hemisphere at this time of the year. He had shed over half of his usual clothing to more efficiently catch the radiation he needed for critical nutrient formation displaying the fact that the majority of his body was covered in thick, black sensory hairs. While most humans had such hairs in Third Sister’s experience she had never seen such density.
Fortunately for her purposes Human Brother Unicus had felt the time pass heavily and was reading to
amuse himself. His focus on the reading material left him not only unaware of their presence but particularly susceptible to the events they were here to record.
A local flying insect, as large as Third Sister’s thumb and sporting a brilliant iridescent sheen was slowly circling its way through the air towards Human Brother Unicus. The “winter flies” a the humans called them, were carnivorous detritavores, waking in the cold portions of the hemisphere feed and breed.
“When do you think he is going to scream though?” First Brother asked.
“I do not think he will,” Third Sister stated. “He is much to large a human to emit a scream in a non-life threatening situation. He will grunt loudly. It is all a human with such a massive chest cavity can manage.”
“Why are humans so freaked out about the winter flies anyway?” First Brother asked as Third Sister timestamped the creature’s final approach.
“It is an instinctive avoidance of disease transmission,” Third Sister explained. “One of us responds much the same way if the coating on our outer membrane starts to fail.”
First Brother paused his near constant movement and tilted his head at her in perplexity.
“They are afraid they will get sick if the winter flies touch them,” Third Sister tried again, “and it is a smart thing to be afraid of.”
At that moment the insect touched down on the particularity dense hairs on the human’s thick arm and every visible muscle on the human seemed to undergo a spasm. He leap up from his perch, slapped the patch of skin the insect had touched, and gave a loud, high-pitched distress sound.
“Looks like it was good you didn’t bet!” First Brother said, dancing sideways in his amusement.
Third Sister didn’t dignify that with a response as she dutifully logged the response.
“He is getting the portable insect repellent field generator out of his bag,” she said. “We can gather no more data here.”
“Why didn’t he get out the generator when he first got to the rock?” First Brother asked as they trekked back to the main hive.
“I do not know,” Third Sister replied.
“Why didn’t he get the generator out after the first time the winter fly landed on him?” First Brother pressed.
“I do not know,” she said again.
“Why didn’t he slap at the fly any of the previous times it touched-”
“First Brother,” Third Sister interjected abruptly. “Are you genuinely asking me these questions or do you just want to ponder into the canopy?”
First Brother paused and pondered over that a moment.
“Ponder into the canopy!” he finally decided before skipping along the trail again. “The hive knows that humans don’t make sense so I know you can’t answer.”
Third Sister watched him trot down the trail with amusement before following.
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  • Home
    • Book 1 "Humans are Weird: I Have the Data"
    • Book 2 "Humans are Weird: We Took a Vote"
    • Book 3 "Humans are Weird: Let's Work It Out"
    • Book 4 "Humans are Weird: I Did the Math"
    • "Flying Sparks"
    • "Dying Embers"
    • "Hidden Fires"
    • Testimonials
  • The Aliens
    • Dying Embers
    • Humans Are Weird
    • Miscellaneous
    • Fan Art
  • Betty's Blog
    • Humans Are Weird
  • Store: Betty's Booty
  • About & Contact
    • Bibliography
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