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Humans are Weird – Bad Vibrations

7/28/2025

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 Humans are Weird – Bad Vibrations

 “And this bud is still drifts in the area of health you say?” Rollsunexpectedly asked as she adjusted the fluid administration container to a better angle for the very small human.
“You betcha!” Human Friend Prita called out, the sound of her voice muffled and distorted by the confines of the food storage space she was currently reorganizing. “Sure Little Diya is on the smaller side, or ‘bottom percentile’ as the doctor says, but the smaller size of healthy is still healthy! Feel that grip on her!”
“Indeed,” Rollsunexpectedly agreed as Little Diya shifted and grasped her appendages more firmly.
The immature human had just barely reached the stage where her immune system was beginning to be active and therefore, when her parents felt comfortable socializing her. She was very tiny for a human, her full length being barely two-thirds of Rollsunexpetedly’s relaxed land-lenght.
This was, Rollesunexpectedly mused as she snuggled the little human closer, perhaps the perfect time to hold a human. Her round little arms were almost exactly the thickness of an Undulate appendage, as were the majority of the lengths of her legs. When Little Diya wasn’t waving her limbs in adorable nonsense, she gripped one with almost Undulate strength. On top of all of that, humans were much more relaxed about their clothing social norms with the infant form of their species, and Little Diya’s stripes were on nearly full display, only the fluid absorbent cloth at her main joint hiding them.
At the moment Little Diya’s striped body was pulsing with the contented glow of complete satisfaction. Something Rollsunexpctedly had never seen in any of the older humans, and in addition to the contented squeezing she was making soft wooshing noises as the air flowed in and out of her nose in sympathetic rhythm with the sucking of fluid.
“She sounds rather like an old tidepool pump,” Rollsunexpectedly commented out loud.
Human Friend Prita laughed and the infant twitched at the sound, slowing blinked one eye open and then closed it again. The fluid administration container reached the end of its capacity and Little Diya released it from her suction with a contented wriggle.
“She is done,” Rollsunexpectedly stated, setting the fluid administration container to the side.
Human Friend Prita poked her head over the side of one storage space rood and peered at them.
“Is she waking?” the human asked.
“Her eyes are closed and her heart rate is low,” Rollsunexpectedly observed.
“That’s grand,” Human Friend Prita observed with a contented nod. “You can keep cuddling if you want, or you can set her back in the sleeper.”
“I will continue the snuggle,” Rollsunexpectedly informed her, carefully shifting her appendages from the posture necessary for feeding an infant that seemed made of fragile internal sacks, whose fluid dynamics must be considered at all times, to the more comfortable and fun posture for snuggling an Undulate sized friend.
They lay there for several long minutes, the tiny human gently expanding and contracting with her atmosphere exchange and giving off equally delicious warmth and pheromone clouds while her mother bustled around their dwelling structure. Rollsunexpectedly was about to comment on how good the baby tasted when something caught her attention. The slow, rhythmic pattern of the child’s breathing had changed. Instead of the smooth rise and fall of inspiration and exhalation the air was juttering in and out of the tiny human, every so softly, but causing the little body to vibrate, like a tidepool pump that had experienced an air bubble.
“Human Friend Prita!” Rollsunexpectedly called out. “I think there is fluid in Little Diya’s lungs!”
The larger human was out of the cabinet in a moment and across the room to swift arcs of movement.
“I feel her vibrating in an unusual way,” Rollsunexpectedly explaned.
Human Friend Prita dropped the flat surface on one hand down on the infant human’s dorsal side and grew still, feeling the movement rhythms of the little one. Gradually the larger human relaxed and released a great sigh of air.
“You are right,” Human Friend Prita said with a smile. “It feels like she got a little urp-up down the wrong tube. Just hold her, let’s see, face down, at a forty-five against gravity and it should clear. Just let me know if it doesn’t.”
Rollsunexpectedly obediently rotated the tiny human, being mindful to change the angle of the limbs relative to the main trunk as little as possible. They were oddly sensitive to such things when the goal was ‘sleep’. In order to manage the instructions Rollsunexpectedly braced her gripping end against the wall behind her and let gravity pull Little Diya down against her mass. The infant human shifted, gave a soft, gurgling coo, and relaxed into her. Just as Human Friend Prita had predicted the odd juttering of Little Diya’s breath decreased and then ceased. The warm air of the infant’s breath washed over Rollsunexpectedly and her tiny hands reformed their grip on the Undulates’ appendages. From the other side of the room Human Friend Prita gave a human hand gesture meaning victory or approval and went back to cleaning.
Rollsunexptecedly had been basing in the comfort of the now improved snuggle for several minutes before a serious strand of though drifted over her appendages. Too much liquid in human lungs was dangerous, that is at least what all the training material said. Their membranes simply could not extract enough gasses from most fluids at standard temperature and pressure. Yet Human Friend Prita had, while responding promptly, treated the incident with calm attention rather than frantic fear. Rollsunexpectedly knew that humans would adapt dangerously casual responses to even to life threatening stimulus if they experienced it frequently enough. She had to wonder, did infant human really expose themselves to danger frequently enough to deaden the fear response in their parents?
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Humans are Weird – Eyes

7/18/2025

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 Humans are Weird – Eyes

 Pokesinholes pointedly ignored the vibrations of the pacing human and gave one final luxurious stretch of every single appendage in the flowing water. The taste was of course alien, on could hardly expect stream water on an alien world to taste entirely pleasant the first time one experienced it. Some of the flavors of local wildlife were simply too extreme. Then there was the odd oxidized flavor that the upstream force field and physical grating created. However after months of only tasting stale, deionized water any naturally flowing stream was a luxury of stimulation.
His delicious bath was cut short however as the water sloshed with the entrance of the human and two jointed appendages reaching down and grappling with him. Pokesinholes made a wordless sound of protest and smoothed out his upper side in an attempt to deny the short fingers of the interfering human a grip. However the human had already gotten ahold of him. Pokesinholes grabbed at the bed of the stream, and was still clutching the rock he had gripped when the human hauled him out of the water.
The human was of course talking, filling the thin atmosphere with waves of meaning, and Pokesinholes did of course understand the sound language. However his comprehension was just weak enough to allow for plausible deniability, especially under stressful circumstances, and there was no doubt this human was stressed. That was the confusing part.
Of course new worlds were dangerous. The raw ignorance every Ranger Survey team brought to each mission was not rarely fatal, even when the teams consisted of the sturdiest of the sapient species. With an Undulates resistance to microfauna and humans resistance to megafauna there were few biotic factors that could incapacitate their team. That of course left all the abotic factors that could kill them, but this landing site was comfortably warm, free from volcanic activity, far from dangerously deep water, and ironically stable. There was no reason to rush back to the safety of the ground structures as soon as the local star dipped low enough to limit mammalian vision.
They passed through the airlock into the main living area and the human dropped Pokesinholes unceremoniously on a raised work surface before lumbering over to a corner, presumably to exchange layers of outerwear.
“May I request what that was around?” Pokesinholes demanded when the human’s searching had turned from the clothing storage area to the food storage area.
Pokesinholes was certain there were errors in the question but the human seemed to understand.
“Sundown’s half an hour ago,” the human said as he mixed various fluids together. “It’s time to be inside.”
“We agreed that safety was within the exterior barrier,” Pokesinholes argued. “I wish to be submerged on fresh atmosphere.”
“That was before I saw what I saw outside the perimeter,” the human stated.
He took a drink of the liquid mix he had made and then pulled his projectile weapon off of its wall mount and began taking it apart. Pokesinholes waited for the human to continue his explanation but none came.
“What see did you...no...what did see you outside the perimeter?” Pokesinholes asked.
“The proximity alarms were humming earlier,” the human said without looking up from his work. “It was out where the spotlights don’t work so I took out the good handlight-”
“The light that is – that has many dangerous warnings for humans?” Pokesinholes asked.
“Yup,” the human agreed with a satisfied grunt, “sear your retinas off if you aren’t mindful. Anyway, I saw two points of light reflecting back at me, then they weren’t there.”
The human fell silent again as he checked over his weapon. Pokesinholes shuffled in annoyance and made a resolution to practice their shared language more as he struggled to formulate his question in sounds.
“What link reflecting light and bringing me inside?”
The human lifted his head and scowled at him.
“Eyes! Pokey! Those were eyes I saw!”
Pokesinholes gave up on words and simply set his appendages wide in a very obvious question stance. Fortunately the human understood enough Undulate to grasp his meaning.
“Predator eyes!” the human expanded, “only predator eyes reflect like that! And they were big ones.”
“Planet scans saw no large predators,” Pokesinholes replied.
“Well my scans showed me something with eye big enough to eat me,” the human said, “so we’re both staying inside until there’s enough light for my eyes to work.”
Pokesinholes slumped down and shuffled towards his room with its sterile water. He wasn’t really convinced of the human’s logic, but it was hard to find good counter pressure when your fellow Ranger centered an argument around organs you didn’t have.
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Humans are Weird – Measure Thrice

7/18/2025

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​ Humans are Weird – Measure Thrice

 Hopper gurgled happily to herself as she adjusted the awkward bundle of cloth on her back once more. She had spent hours washing the cloth by paw in traditionally made, plant based soaps. The grain oils that had originally dirtied the material had mostly washed out, leaving the pattern that Sally Mai had requested. The human had recently flung herself into a series of art projects with a drive that was almost frightening in its intensity. While Hopper was delighted to find a way to participate, she was coming today as much to check on Sally Mai’s mental state as to gift her the patterned cloth.
The gravel leading up to Sally Mai’s dwelling crunched pleasantly under Hopper’s paws as she neared. Usually this sound was enough to alert Sally Mai to the presence of a visitor but she had not come to the door by the time Hopper reached it. Hopper lifted up on her hind legs and thumped one paw on the frame of the door. Apparently the traditional greeting of slapping the door with one’s tail didn’t quite translate well in human communities. Something about their doors not being meant to take that kind of abuse.
Today the thumping was met with a mildly startling scream from within. A sound rather like steam escaping from a safety vent. Hopper clicked her teeth in amusement and opened the door. The front entryway was cluttered with torn open shipping containers strewn about in defiance of every known safety regulation. Hopper gingerly lifted the cloth she was bringing over several suspiciously wet looking substances and something that smelled of dead trees.
From a room deeper in the structure Sally Mai’s voice was ranting in that peculiar tone humans used when addressing inanimate objects that they felt had offended them with deliberate malice. Hopper came to a door hung with a bead curtain and poked her nose through. Sally Mai was fairly small for a human with her thin, delicate bone structure showing clearly under her soft skin. Her hair was deep, cave black but the oils that kept it smooth caught the sun and reflected iridescent glints. At the moment much of her hair was escaping the tight bun she kept it in while working and her forearm bones showed their shape clearly in her hands and wrists as she stretched a cloth oval in what was clearly a futile attempt to get it to fit over metal grid-frame.
“I measured!” Sally Mai was nearly screaming at the offending item. “Twice now I measured! Both of you why won’t you fit!”
The last word was accompanied by a tremendous strain at the material and another failure for the cloth to attach to the hooks on the grid-frame. Sally Mai gave an exasperated screech like soft metal rending and flung the circle of cloth into a corner to join several others.
“It looks like its time to sit down and have a nice chew,” Hopper suggested.
Sally Mai leapt comically up with a gasp and stared at her in shock. Hopper waved her tail in greeting as she adjusted the cloth she had brought.
“Let’s get some nice, tough small-loaves and-”
“That’s the sacking for me?” Sally Mai demanded, her bright, bi-focal eyes landing on Hopper’s burden.
“Yes,” Hopper agreed, unbuckling the carry harness and letting the material drop to the relatively clean floor in this room. “Now, you smell all kinds of flustered. Before you try cutting this for your project let’s just sit and ruminate over some good...you are not listening to a grain of my point, are you?”
Sally Mai had snatched up the cloth and was rolling out one end onto her cutting work bench.
“Yes, yes,” the human muttered absently. “We’ll have a good chew. Got some nice aged loaves just – gotta cut this. It’ll be right this time.”
“Now Sally Mai,” Hopper said, trying to make her tone gentle but firm to human hearing. “Do you really think cutting it again in this state of fermentation is going to get you what you want? Let’s go rest a bit-”
“I know what I did wrong last time!” Sally Mai insisted as she marked the cloth with trembling hands. “Just let me-”
What she wanted Hopper to let her do was cut off as the human shoved her marking tool into her mouth and grabbed her cutting tool with hands trembling with eagerness. The cutting tool made a pleasant zizzing sound as it parted the fibers and a neat circle fell out of the material onto the work bench. Sally Mai snatched it up and ran back to her grid-frame. It almost did look like it would fit this time, but as Sally Mai attempted to stretch the material the final few claw lengths the truth bubbled to the surface.
“No!” the human shrieked, this time flinging the grid-frame itself across the room with a loud clang. “I am an idiot!”
The human suddenly folded down into a rough egg shape and made hissing sounds through her teeth. Hopper walked over on her hind legs and gently rubbed between the human’s shoulder blades. The pattern of breathing Hopper could hear and the faint scent of saltwater suggested that Sally Mai was crying.
“I wasted nearly a yard of that cloth you got me,” the human muttered from the depth of her egg-shape.
“There is more than enough to try again,” Hopper soothed her.
“Why did I rush in like that?” Sally Mai demanded, letting her head rock back and her limbs sprawl out, knocking over a mug with small amounts her favorite morning stimulant still lingering in it. She brought her hand up to rub her eyes. “I needed to rest! To have a snack!”
It was a very good question, and they were distinctly good ideas, Hopper thought. Sally Mai stared at the clear ceiling that was letting in the specific amount of light she needed for her art, finally she sighed and gathered her limbs to stand up.
“Come on Hopper,” the human said as she used her toes to grab at a nearby rag and soak up the spilled remnants of the drink, “let’s go have a chew at some small-loaves and then I can come back to this project with a clear head and a steady hand.”
“Now that is a well fermented idea!” Hopper said. “So glad you thought of it!”
Sally Mai snorted and rapped her knuckles against Hopper’s head. Hopper clicked her teeth in amusement and used her tail to flick the latest failure over to the waste pile with the others. Why a human, with entire control of her own schedule refused to eat until it hindered her ability to work was a mystery beyond her, but she had seen the situation play out often enough that she found it far less worth pursuing than the promised small-loaves.




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Three more votes to the top 50! Go Vote!

7/10/2025

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Three more votes to the top 50!
https://allauthor.com/cover-of-the-month/19711/


Go vote for “Hidden Fires” On All-Author! Only 3 more votes will get “Hidden Fires” into the next round for Book of the Month in July!
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Humans are Weird - Smooth

7/7/2025

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Humans are Weird - Smooth

Quilx’tch trembled to the tip of every paw with the pure audacity of what he was doing. Not only was he going to interrupt a colleague at work, he was calling another colleague from the next lab over to initiate the interruption for him. Taking a deep breath that expanded his abdomen Quilx’tch activated the comm unit.
“Yo, Psmith here,” came the deep, gruff voice.
“Chef Psmith?” Quilx’tch began. “I was wondering if you could perhaps come help me with that little difficulty we discussed?”
“Who’s this?” the voice demanded.
Quilx’tch paused in shock and a bit of offense. They had spent an entire meal break discussing the issue yesterday. However diplomatic protocol insisted on treating every question as in good faith.
“This is Quilx’tch-”
“Ah! Quick buddy!” the voice boomed. “This about your lab-mate with the issue?”
A silence long enough to almost be polite followed the interruption.
“Yes,” Quilx’tch replied into the slight sizzling sound in the background. “Human Friend Tupa is displaying the behavior again and it is threatening to delay the production of the ‘brownies’ and I am very eager to-”
“I’ll be down there in a jiffy,” the voice cut in. “Don’t tell Tupes I’m coming. I’mm’a try to observe without being noticed if you catch my drift.”
The comm unit cut off and Quilx’tch tapped his hind paw in irritation and confusion. That last clause suggested, no, stated that Chef Psmith had put some sort of implied action in the communication. However every stated objective seemed clear to Quilx’tch. Either Chef Psmith was implying something that had quite slipped through Quilx’tch’s net, or the giant human was preforming that human type humor that consisted in implying the presence of more complexity than was actually there. However the human was, as always, as good as his word, and appeared through the airlock doors within moments. Human Friend Tupa was at the far end of the test kitchen whisking the flour mix that certainly did not need further mixing. After several vigorous circles with the metal whisk the human took a deep breath, spun around, and marched firmly towards the open container of legume puree on the opposite counter. The human grabbed the container in one hand, picked up the flat, spreading knife with the other and glared down at the smooth surface of the puree. Then Human Friend Tupa hesitated, her face twisted as if in pain and she gingerly set the container back on the counter before darting over to check on the oils that were melting over a slight heat. Quilx’tch didn’t know the exact thermo-storage capacity of that particular oil but he was fairly certain it should have melted by now.
“Yeah, I see the problem,” Chef Psmith said with an exasperated grunt.
“What is the problem?” Quilx’tch asked as the larger human lumbered into the narrow cone of vision that Tupa had displayed.
The smaller human started and her skin flushed bright red.
“Chef,” she said. “The brownies are coming along.”
“That’s some nice smooth nut-butter,” Chef Psmith said snatching the container up, his long fingers warping almost entirely around the container.
Human Friend Tupa flushed an even brighter red and bent over the very much melted oil.
“Yes,” she agreed in a small voice.
Chef Psmith picked up the spreading knife with a snort and shoved it into the container, gave it a few quick turns, disturbing the smooth surface of the puree, and slammed it down on the counter beside Human Friend Tupa. She glanced at the container and snatched it up with a happy sound.
“Thank you!” she called out as she began adding the puree to the brownie mix with almost reckless abandon.
Chef Psmith gave a dismissive wave over his shoulder as he stomped out of the room. Quilx’tch watched in fascination as Human Friend Tupa now happily darted about preparing to put the brownies in the oven. Suddenly his comm unit chimed.
“Hey Quick?” Chef Psmith’s voice came over the unit in an oddly subdued tone. “Do me a favor and don’t mention this to anyone else until I can talk to Tupa privately and maybe get her to talk to the base psychologist.”
“Oh dear,” Quilx’tch said, watching Human Friend Tupa hurry about her tasks. “Was she displaying medically relevant behavior?”
“Eh, not so much,” Chef Psmith said. “I mean, I ain’t got the quals to say one way up or down. But she just wasted two days because she didn’t want to disturb a perfectly smooth nut-butter.”
“And that is and odd impulse for a trained chef,” Quilx’tch observed.
“Not by half!” Chef Psmith said with a dismissive snort. “A nice perfect machine pour like that? Shame to disrupt it. Silly as string of course, but a perfectly natural impulse. But if you let that impulse interfere with cooking, well butter in the freezer as they say.”
Chef Psmith ended the conversation and Human Friend Tupa called Quilx’tch over with happy eagerness in her voice to taste the brownie batter before she put it in the oven. Quilx’tch waved to signal he had heard and trotted over the raised spider-walk as he mulled over Chef Psmith’s words. Putting aside his growing suspicion that Chef Psmith deliberately made up sayings to confuse him, the concept that humans would place value on a flat, machine produced surface, one made not for purpose but merely as the inadvertent behavior of semi-liquid flow, was more than enough to keep his mental paws busy.

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Humans are Weird - Family

7/4/2025

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Humans are Weird - Family

Carbon rich particulate matter drifted down through the hot summer air and came to rest on the decaying leaves of last year’s autumn. Most of the organic matter had long since decomposed into the soil but here, deep withing the local wild-wood Notes the Passing Changes had piled up native composting heap. This allowed for thought processes untainted by the microfauna inevitably shed by the sapient alien species that visited or lived on this world. Notes the Passing Changes idly tasted the falling particles for traces of harmful metals. The humans had been very mindful of their celebratory atmospheric explosives ever since Notes the Passing Changes had requested the local Shatar address the matter. This summer there had been no toxic metals in the mix as yet, but it still behooved one to be watchful. Outside of the thickets protecting this place the ground vibrated with humans herding to and from the local streams to splash in the cool waters and set off ground based incendiary devices in the safety of the liquid covered areas.
Suddenly the pattern changed as the disturbance caused by one human broke from the designated path and began thrashing its way through the undergrowth directly towards Notes the Passing Changes’s decomposition pile. Notes the Passing Changes eased awareness from the trees’ vision to the forefront and examined the situational memory. This particular human, a male just having passed from childhood into a legal state of adulthood, had just been swimming in a deeper section of a stream with a cohort of humans of similar or lesser age. He had been by all appearances engaging in cheerful social interaction with them until just moments ago when he had climbed out of the water and began walking back towards the main human settlement along one of the forest paths. It appeared that a group of senior humans had been coming down that path in the opposite direction and the lone human youth had paused and leapt sideways into the woods. Now he was writhing his way through the tangle of protective branches Notes the Passing Changes had carefully ringed this composting area with, resulting in no few tears to his mammalian outer membrane.
Notes the Passing Changes stimulated the immune defenses of the composting heap to immediately destroy any blood and micorbiome the human shed. Shortly the human burst through the protective layer, no small feat Notes the Passing Changes mused. The weave of woody branches should have been too dense for a mature human to get through suggesting greater than species standard flexibility and strength in this individual. The human staggered into the clearing, glanced around, his bifocal vision lighting on the marks Notes the Passing Changes had left to mark the place. The human gave a relieved laugh, staggered forward into the piled leaves and very deliberately let his mass tumble backwards into them.
“Gathering! Hide me!” the human called out.
Somewhat bemused Notes the Passing Changes lifted up a portion of the dead leaves and dropped it over the reclined human. Covered with the dry biomatter the human instantly fell very still. His heart-rate and breathing slowed and his stress pheromones dispersed into the hot air. Notes the Passing Changes carefully directed the decomposition mites too small to be observed by the human to defend the micro-ecosystem around him. Eventually Notes the Passing Changes realized the human was beginning to fall asleep and spoke to the noise of the human’s biorhythms.
“The humans you were trying to avoid have reached the swimming hole and no more are currently coming,” Notes the Passing Changes observed.
The human started, disturbing the defensive line of mites and gave a startled grunt.
“Wh-oh yeah,” the human said. “Thanks, but if you don’t mind. I’ll just hang out here. Nap time and all that.”
“It would be more convenient for my micro-fauna if you sought nap time elsewhere in the forest,” Notes the Passing Changes said. “I can direct you along paths that will not cross vectors with other humans if that is what you wish.”
“Seriously?” The human responded. “Can’t I just chill here? I got torn right up getting in here.”
Notes the Passing Changes deliberately pulled the covering leaves off of the human and bent back the tangle of protective branches forming a path out of the composting area. The human groaned and heaved his mass onto his two legs before lumbering off down the path Notes the Passing Changes had made. Notes the Passing Changes followed him with voice.
“Did you have an altercation with someone in the group of elder humans?”
The human glanced over at the tree that was the source of sound and gave a wry smile.
“Nah, it’s just I’ve already had too much of kin today, you ken’ how it is,” the human said with a shrug.
“I do not,” Notes the Passing Changes assured him.
The human rubbed his hands through his hair the color of autumn leaves and gave a soft laugh.
“When you get round all the cousins and aunties and uncles you got to talk, and that’s fun at first, and smile at the aunties, and tell them how tall you are, and you got to look the uncles in the eye and shake their hands so they can see how much a man you are, and you got to remember which cousin’s dog just died and whose girl just left him for some spacer with a fancy ship and its all fine at first but then the noise and the eyes and the smiles just-” the human staggered to a stop and his eyes visibly unfocused before he shuddered, wiped his hands on his bare thighs and kept walking.
“It just gets to be too much,” the human went on, “and if you have to smile at one more Aunty who remember you when you weren’t have so high as a thistle you are gonna just scream, and it’s best to hide before that happens. You ken.”
“I understand you wish isolation and a place to mentally compost,” Notes the Passing Changes agreed. “While you cannot do that in my composting place I do think I know a more comfortable place for you.”
“That’s grand,” the human replied.
Notes the Passing Changes led the human through the forest, bending back undergrowth to provide an isolated path. At the edge of one of the mixed orchards several humans had spread a layer of fine dried grass to both dispose of the biomatter and feed the trees that would be providing nutrients much later in the season. At the moment no sapients came to the area and the atmosphere was warm and still. The human made an appreciative sound as he entered the space and dropped to the soft surface.
“You’re a grand one Gathering,” the human said as he snuggled down into the fine grass. “Mind covering me up like before?”
Notes the Passing Changes did not have nearly as many motile tendrils in this mass but managed to toss some matter over the now sleeping humans. The question of if this human remembered names well occurred to the Gathering, and if that deficiency added to the human’s obvious unease in prolonged social situations, but that seemed a matter for another time.  
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