Most readers have rather fond memories of Robert Louis Stevenson. They come mostly from the classic work "Treasure Island". Probably most of us were exposed to it in the form of the classic Disney live action movie or the sci-fi remake. 
What many don't know is that good old Stevenson could get quite dark. His work, "The Ebb-Tide for instance is saturated with physical and moral decay from page one to the end. There are scenes that would earn this a hard R rating in any movie format. There is of course a moral of sorts at the end, if you squint a bit. But like Hemingway and London the old master had a dark side that came out in his works. This is not something that I would suggest for children or young teens but for mature readers it offered a shiver inducing look at the evil that is associated with weakness rather than the evil that is associated with strength. 

Humans Are Weird – Fireworks


“Quilx’tch?”
 The voice sounded from around the wall of the office and the nutritional anthropologist clicked out a response absently. The speaker fluttered into the room and came to rest across from the consol where three of Quilx’tch’s eight legs were rapidly tapping away at the screen.
“Quilx’tch…” the Hellbat began, his fur flat in some uneasy emotion.
Quilx’tch twitched in irritation and raised his primary eyes to focus on the base safety officer.
“Can I aid you Five Clicks?” Quilx’tch asked.
He had more experience than most at fighting the instinctual fear his species had of the Hellbats but it was still uncomfortable to be in the same room with one.
“How did you know that I should not have approved the cultural display today?” Five Clicks demanded in a rush, his sensory horns dull with inattention.
Quilx’tch paused and pondered the question.
“I did not know exactly,” he said carefully. “I simply noted that the humans were ‘grinning’ and ‘snickering’ and ‘giggling’ all together.”
“Those are supposed to be an indication of pleasure and comfort!” Five Clicks hissed.
“Indeed,” Quilx’tch said, backing up a bit. “However my personal observations have indicated that if all three of those factors occur simultaneously that the possibility that the humans are involved in some form of dangerous mischief is high.”
Five Clicks gave a whistling moan and covered his sensory horns with his wings, giving the horns an absent rub.
“There is also an informal rule I found in a cache of human documents,” Quilx’tch continued. “At the time I assumed it was a jest but perhaps it was in earnest after all.”
“What rule?” Five Clicks asked without looking up from under his wings.
“If the thought of something makes an adult human giggle for more than fifteen seconds it should not be allowed.” Quilx’tch replied.
A sudden explosion rumbled through the base and Quilx’tch gripped the consol in fear.
“What did you let them do?” he demanded when Five Clicks didn’t respond to the noise with anything other than a full frame shudder.
“Fireworks,” Five Clicks hissed. “They are displaying fireworks.” 

It was a long drive from the valley to the Mountain. The pollen in the valley was bad, the smoke on the Mountain was bad. 
​Eh, it is beautiful and I can still breathe so far. 

Now what would be your reaction if you came upon one of these a good six or eight feet long? 

Everyone go out and have a great 4th of July! 
For those doing home fireworks displays remember to hug your local emergency room tech! 

A long weekend is here so it is time to cast your eyes over the hills and head home. Or hunker down and read a lot of good books all weekend. Whatever works for you. 

​Humans Are Weird – Pronking


                “Yeah my kids back home do that all the time,” the human on the screen was saying with a smile. “The girls do it more than the boys though.”
                “As you can see the behavior is near universal in the species,” the behavioral anthropologist explained as he paused the video. “However when asked to explain it-” he waved his manipulators to indicate the screen as it resumed playing.
                “Why?” The human asked as its face wrinkled with that bizarre, fleshy movement that defined all of the endoskeleton species.  “I don’t know, it’s fun I guess?”
                “Fun,” Quilx’tch said. “The universal catch-answer humans have for all questions beginning in why.”
“Indeed,” the behavioral anthropologist agreed. “However I have a working theory that explains it!”
Quilx’tch fought the urge to tighten his legs under him in irritation. Why was he here? He was here to offer social support to his fellow anthropologist. The same he expected to receive when he went on about nutrients levels in chicken soup, so he gamely focused on graphs and data his coworker displayed.
“You have a theory that explains the human behavior of skipping?” Quilx’tch asked politely.
The behavioral anthropologist clicked eagerly and summoned two more screens. Quilx’tch watched as the previous screen of one of the younger soldiers on the base moving across the exercise ground. He was neither walking nor running. Instead he was using every alternating bipedal step to thrust himself up against the pull of the gravity well.
“Skipping must require a lot of calories,” Quilx’tch observed.
“A massive expenditure,” his coworker agreed. “And here is a very similar behavior that the humans recorded in a wild and domestic animals.”
Quilx’tch ran his primary eyes over the displays.
“But those are quadrupeds,” Quilx’tch pointed out. “And have completely different diets. They rely on-“
“Yes, yes!” The behavioral anthropologist waved a hand dismissively. “But the differences in structure only serve to display the similarity in behavior!”
Quilx’tch bristled in shock at the abrupt dismissal. The rudeness was, well it was human, Quilx’tch remembered with a release of tension. His coworker had been among the humans the longest. It was only logical that he had picked up a few of their quirks. Quilx’tch refocused on the screens.
“All three behaviors involve needlessly thrusting up against the central gravity well,” Quilx’tch summarized. He gave a short hop to demonstrate.
“Yes!” his coworker enthused. “And the humans have already described and explained the behavior in other species but!” He held up his primary manipulator. “They have not thought to apply it to themselves!”
Quilx’tch kept his primary eyes on the behavioral anthropologist but snuck a pair of legs under his abdomen to begin lightly tapping on the keyboard he projected there. He found himself once more grateful for learning to divide his attention so well in academy.
“And then I discovered the age gap!” his coworker went on eagerly. “Human young display the behavior near constantly but adults only display it when they are alone or when they think there is a minimal chance of being observed by other species!”
Quilx’tch gave an absent click of confirmation as the other went on.
“And then the mass division is quite clear among adult humans. With and inverse correlation between mass and frequency of skipping.”
The behavioral  anthropologist paused and looked eagerly at Quilx’tch, this time waiting the appropriate time for a response. Quilx’tch stretched a bit and then settled down again.
“I am a nutritional,” he finally said. “I can draw no conclusions from your most excellent research data my friend.”
“It is pronking!” the behavioral anthropologist said with a happy titter. “The humans pronk just as much as the wild quadrupeds.”
“So your theory is that humans skip to convince predators that the caloric expenditure of catching them would exceed the caloric gain of eating them?” Quilx’tch asked.
“Indeed!” his coworker said brightly.
“I see,” Quilx’tch said, tapping a manipulator against the floor thoughtfully. “That does seem logical.”
His coworker took that as encouragement to go on and Quilx’tch slipped his legs back under his abdomen with a vexed click of his mandibles.  He had reports to get done. 

People comment on things that are odd. If you do something odd people will point it out to you. This is part of the systemization humans use to determine what will kill them or not. If you do odd thing regularly you will get regular comments. If you do the same thing regularly you will find a pattern in the comments that you can use to analyze your behavior.
Apparently (from the comments I get from Superintendents and Crew Leads and random tourists) it is “not normal” to suddenly appear out of the forest a significant distance from trail heads and road ends.


“So you just…work out in the forest?” *looking around nervously*
“*bleep* Adams! Where’d you come from?” *jumping into the air*
“So…what are you doing?” *edging away nervously*
And an endless list of odd looks of course.


I was just wondering if I should start collecting ominous, deadpan one-liners to facilitate the experience of the surreal.
​
“I was sent to analyze this species.”
“Forgive me, I am not yet used to this sun.”
“The gravity is oddly high at these coordinates.”
“Where is the nearest location to procure non-sentient nutrients?”
“Have you seen anything…strange…pass by?”
“We were once many…”
“The last individual asked me that too…”