Betty Adams Tall Tales
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Humans are Weird - Take Heed

4/29/2025

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Humans are Weird - Take Heed

​Notes the Passing Changes carefully lifted and dropped the half developed gourd, testing its weight on his movement fibers and pondering how many nutrients could reasonably be diverted to such a low-calorie, low-nutrient fruit. The Shatar and Humans in the local area valued the fruits for their taste, but to grow them to the size that humans preferred for harvest would put a not insignificant drain on the nutrients needed to maximize the very taste they were valued for. There were only a few days left in the growing cycle before Notes the Passing Changes could effectively control the final size of the gourds. Notes the Passing Changes had not yet come to a decision when the ground around a speaking long propagated with strong enough vibrations to suggested a stressed, if not a panicking, human wanted attention.
Notes the Passing Changes connected to the photosensitive and sound sensitive fibers that were permanently embedded in the speaking log and a roughly human shaped mass slowly focused into Sandy.
“Did you wish to speak to me or were you simply drumming to impress mates?” Notes the Passing Changes asked.
Sandy paused and blinked at the speaking log.
“Humans dinna’-I mean well, some do for sure and -but I already have Pat…”
Sandy let the choppy thoughts trail off and shook his head vigorously.
“What happened ta’ all the blue flowers in tha’ glen?” Sandy demanded. “I went ta’ get my Pat some bonny blues and there was na’ one!”
Notes the Passing Changes made a thoughtful hum as he pulled up the relevant memories. It took some time to logically deduce which of the narrow valleys surrounding the agricultural land Sandy would consider important enough to deserve the article designation ‘the’ glen. Then Notes the Passing Changes had to determine which of the flowering plants that could reasonably be expected to be in bloom would manifest as ‘blue’ to human eyes. Unfortunately all this led to a very diffuse spread of conclusion threads.
“It does not seem that any of the blue flowers have experienced an unexpected die off,” Notes the Passing Changes replied.
Sandy gave a quick, irritated burst of air and shook his head violently.
“Na’, an’ they’re there still,” the human said. “Just, the blue is gone! They’re all a pasty yellow white!”
Notes the Passing Changes added this information to the growing thought matrix and gave an uncertain hum.
“There was a complex chemical nutrient present in some of the flowering bodies that was needed in the Shatar vineyards,” Notes the Passing Changes said slowly. “As it was no longer needed to attract pollinators I redirected it there. Though I have never observed humans to notice such minor chemical changes.”
“What chemical was it?” Sandy demanded.
Notes the Passing Changes stimulated the manipulation form in the small local library into motion, incidentally startling a visiting Shatar Aunt, and pulled up the chemical database.
“Anthocyanin,” Notes the Passing Changes read out. “ah, it does say that this is the chemical largely responsible for blue coloration to human eyes.”
Sandy heaved a sigh, and shoved his hands, which had been gesturing vigorously into his pockets.
“I really wanted some bonny blue flowers for Pat,” he said in a morose tone.
“There is a population I have not altered in a glen on the Shatar side of the agricultural land,” Notes the Passing Changes informed him. “You would have to seek permission to harvest there but-”
Sandy let out a whoop and darted off towards the Shatar main hive, throwing a sound of gratitude over his shoulder.
Notes the Passing Changes made a point to apologize to the startled Shatar Aunt in the library and slowly retreated from the speaking log as new thoughts circulated in tendrils. Though the humans had never before mentioned noticing the more subtle chemical decisions made in their ecosystem, perhaps they were more heedful of them than their comments indicated. It was something to be aware of when pursuing ecosystem wide goals.


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Humans are Weird - Laugh and Laugh Again

4/15/2025

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Humans are Weird - Laugh and Laugh Again

Wing Commander Tenth Click darted down to the control panel again and checked to make sure the hover-transport was still tethered correctly to their path. Again the display revealed that the hover-transport was working perfectly. Tenth Click thought about checking the straps that secured the massive rolls of soft, natural fiber fabric but he could hear the clicks of younger wing member sounding out the load and satisfied himself with darting around the formation. The air in their midst was full of happy chattering as mostly young males who had not been home in years chittered over the chance to see a newborn. Tenth Click gave a happy click himself at the thought as they approached the massive, false-stone dome that served as human housing on this dry and arid section of the planet.
The wing came to rest against the side of the dome,easily finding purchase on the swirling patterns of plants that had been printed into the structure when it was first erected after the human family’s arrival. Tenth Click dug his nails into the easily grip-able surface and admired design. Tayen Tsosie had expressed delightful taste, though the raised mural leaned a bit too heavily on herbaceous plants for a Winged’s taste. Tenth Click thought adding a few sturdy tree trunks into the design would really pull it together.
“To each their own as the humans say,” Tenth Click said to a general murmur of agreement from the wing.
There was a brief mid-air scuffle between the younger wing-members as they determined who got the privilege of ringing the door bell, an actual handcrafted bronze bell with a natural fiber pull rope that gripped your feet delightfully, and the three winners darted down and flung themselves into the ringing with gusto. Tenth Click noted that they hadn’t perfectly applied their hearing and horn protection, there were visible gaps in the applied foam but he decided to lead with the gust of enthusiasm rather that clip their obvious delight.
The sound rolled through the wing and summoned Tayen’s mate. Small, by human standards the male was frequently away from home shipping goods to the more distant asteroid mining colonies and as such humans often did, showed skin damage from decompression and other accident related injuries. However today his whole body was so awash with delight that Tenth Click rather thought the human might leap into flight despite the disadvantage of his dense bones.
“Come in, come in!” He shouted, waving his hands. “She was just doing it again!”
Forgoing the usual effusive human welcoming ceremonies the male spun and lumbered back into his home. The wing accepted his invitation and darted after him the hover-transport trailing after them placidly. The human came to a cluster of other humans in the main room, all of whom were crooning and cooing at something below them. The male wiggled his way through his larger humans and claimed the spot of honor beside his mate. Tayen herself was folded into a comfortable, for a human, seating situation on the couch, curled around a bundle of soft blankets. Tenth Click examined them closely as the wing approached, feeling satisfied that their gift matched the blankets already in use for softness and wrap-strength equally. The pattern was a traditional Winged design as Tayen had indicated she would prefer. Her mate whispered something to Tayen and she glanced up with a wide grin on her face.
“She’s doing it again!” Tayen announced, as she started unwrapping the blanket bundle. “Remember to stay out of the way of her hands, she doesn’t have control yet!”
The wing dedicated itself to proper acrobatic displays of delight and tried to remember to lower the frequency of their delighted chitters as the very, very round human that was exposed.
“Tayen’s mammary glands got so round-” a voice declared and Tenth Click was suddenly grateful no one was remember to speak in human ranges.
“And that made the baby so round!”
“Look at her cheeks!”
“Do you think she has pouches in those?”
“No, it’s just subcutaneous fat deposits.”
“I want to shove my nose into her cheeks!”
“Remember what Tayen said!” Tenth Click barked out. “I am not having the party ruined because someone got their wing joints crushed by a baby hand!”
“It would be worth it!” the voice cheekily returned.
“She is so cute!”
Tenth Click sighed and approached the pair of humans to formally offer their gift. They accepted with distant politeness, all of their real attention obviously on their offspring.
“I meant to ask,” Tenth Click said once the wing had landed on the retaliative safety of the adults’ shoulders to observe and admire the tiny human, “what developmental milestone are you commemorating with this party?”
“Her first laugh!” Tayen declared, lifting her eyes from her child for the first time since they had arrived. “It was last night. She had the hiccoughs and I started making hiccoughing noises back at her and she started laughing between hiccoughs! Watch!”
Tayen bent over her child and made a senseless squawking noise. The round little creature wriggled and indeed began to convulse in what the humans called laughter. The wing lifted off and danced over Tayen’s head in shared delight.
“Oh! That is a wonderful sound!” declared many voices at once.
Tenth Click found himself tapping his feet in delight.
“Oh your gifts!” Tayen’s mate suddenly declared, standing up quickly and picking up a tray filled with tiny satchels!
“The traditional metabolically available salt for seasoning food!” he declared. “We got this from the synthesizer over at the neighboring hive so it should be matched to your needs, but you can absolutely wait to test it before you eat any. We won’t be offended.”
Tenth Click signaled for the wing to take the gifts and they flew down one at a time to politely take the satchels of salt. Tenth Click wondered if the salt was really the gift, or if the neat little satchels, woven from Shatar vine fiber were supposed to be the real gift. It seemed an odd way to commemorate an infant’s laugh. However the gift giving was clearly not the main focus of the party, the sounds the very, very round human was again making clearly were as Tayen’s mate clearly demonstrated by setting the tray of gifts down before half the wing had claimed their salt, and darting back to have a playful battle with Tayen’s sister over the privileged place by her side.
Tenth Click idly tasted the salt. It was salt as advertised, and turned his attention to the real focus of the party. He could investigate whatever cultural significance salt had once had later. Traditions formed and drifted down the winds of time like dust, often landing so far from their origin that not even the species who valued them knew where or when that was, but a baby with big round eyes, was always a baby with big round eyes.  
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Humans are Weird - Deep Lore

4/1/2025

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Humans are Weird - Deep Lore

 

“Mooooooo.”
The low, round sound was coming from Mary’s bedroom, followed by the sound of two human females giggling, before repeating. Sift paused and shifted the basked in her claws as she listened to the sound in interest. She then carefully walked forward to the counter and shifted on her tail to get the height necessary to shove the basked up onto the human-height counter, finally resorting to shoving it the rest of the way with her snout. That done she dropped down to all fours and scampered to the bedroom door and the source of the odd sounds, pulling her datapad out of her carry pouch as she went. She just remembered to pause and thump the door with her tail before entering.
“Come on in Sift!” Mary called out cheerfully. “I’m not decent but it nothing you haven’t seen!”
Sift gave a rumble of amusement as she stood on her hind legs to open the door and trotted into the bedroom. The morning sun was streaming through the window and Mary, still looking exhausted even days after the mammalian birthing process, was sitting on the soft mass of her bed. Her younger sister Martha, was sitting on an equally soft ‘chair’ a sitting surface with added structure to support all those extra-long joints humans had, holding Mary’s hatchling to her center of mass. Martha was jiggling around in a rather deliberate looking manner that Sift made a mental note to ask about later.
“May I smell the hatchling?” she asked as she scrambled towards the little one.
Both humans laughed with delight and Martha held the round little human down and out to give her easier access as Mary verbalized her consent. Sift rested her front claws on Mary’s knees and pressed her snout into the delicious hatchling smell for a long moment. Her tali waved in delight.
“It is astounding,” she finally said when she could pull her snout away. “He smells nothing like one of our hatchlings, but it is still identifiable as a hatch-ling smell.”
“Oh!” Martha said, sitting back up and rearranging the little one against her center of mass. “Maybe its like how all babies look cute to all species? Like with big eyes and chubby appandages? But with smell. Maybe there is a universal cute smell?”
“A neotenous scent profile?” Sift speculated, tilting her head at an adorable little squeak that came from the hatchling. “That would be an interesting study.”
She glanced back at Mary to ask about the last time she had smelled a reptilian, or perhaps a Shatar hatchling but started and blinked. In her eagerness to greet the hatchling she had missed the fact that Mary had something attached to her mammary glands. They were clearly some kind of vacuum pump-bag, on paying attention Sift could hear the soft thrumming of the active pumping, and the storage container was gradually growing as it drew a rich yellow fluid out of the glands. Mary caught the direction of her attention and grinned, lifting up the large glands with her hands and repeating the low, round sound Sift had heard when she first entered.
“Moooooooo!”
Martha burst into giggles at the sound and Mary only stopped to laugh and Sift found her tail flicking with amusement at the shared humor despite her confusion.
“What is that sound you are making?” she asked, shifting away from Martha and the tantalizing scent of the hatchling to address the new mother.
“Oh, it’s just-” Mary paused and her face when slightly slack as she thought about her answer. “It’s just a sound you make when pumping out your excess colostrum,” she said.
However the slow tempo of her words and the tones indicated a bit of uncertainty.
“I think it means that the mom is a bit frustrated at being so busy with pumping and nursing and all that,” Martha offered. “Oop, baby needs a dipey!”
The younger human jumped up to change the waste restrainer on her nephew and Sift turned her attention back to Mary.
“Yes,” Mary agreed as she removed the, presumably now full, containers of fluid from the peak of her mammary glands and placed them in a refrigeration unit beside her bed. “That is how Mom always used it, and the aunties, but I actually don’t know where it comes from.”
“It is not a reproduction of the sound the pump makes?” Sift asked.
“I don’t think so,” Mary said. “Now you got me curious, give me a moment.”
The human reached for her data pad, presumably to look up the historical source of the sound and Sift scampered over to assist Martha is making soft noises at the now clean hatchling. Sift had just caught the hatchling’s attention with a clicking noise made with her tongue on her teeth, that had also set Martha laughing when Mary gave an exclamation of surprise.
“Where does it come from?” Martha asked without looking up from playing with the hatchling.
“Well!” Mary said. “Back on the home-planet there’s this absolute giant of a species that they still use for meat and milk products. It was and is the backbone of the milk industry, has been for as long as we remember historically too, looks like.”
“Like a bit goat?” Sift asked.
“Way bigger,” Mary said, and turned the datapad around to show a truly massive animal standing next to a human.
Sift gave a gurgle of astonishment.
“They eat way too much to have been viable during the first transforming efforts,” Mary went on. “So they never got popular in the colonies, much easier to keep and tweak goats, but they do have a few live specimens at some of the bigger agricultural universities.”
“That is why I’ve never seen one in a human colony,” Sift speculated.
“Anyway, moo is the onomatopia of the sound this animal makes,” Mary said. “So it’s kind of a tradition to make it when you collect your milk.”
“But it must have been several generations since your family has been around these creatures,” Sift pointed out, “why do you still use that sound rather than a more goat sound to express the concept?”
“Must be some kind of cultural fossil tradition,” Mary said with a shrug as she stood up and moved to reclaim her offspring from her sister. “Now hand him here. You brought the basket for the photos right?”
sift waved her tail eagerly.
“Yes! As well as some dried ripe grain that will be quite aesthetically pleasing!”


Author Betty Adams Books
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  • Home
    • Book 1 "Humans are Weird: I Have the Data"
    • Book 2 "Humans are Weird: We Took a Vote"
    • Book 3 "Humans are Weird: Let's Work It Out"
    • Book 4 "Humans are Weird: I Did the Math"
    • "Flying Sparks"
    • "Dying Embers"
    • "Hidden Fires"
    • Testimonials
  • The Aliens
    • Dying Embers
    • Humans Are Weird
    • Miscellaneous
    • Fan Art
  • Betty's Blog
    • Humans Are Weird
  • Store: Betty's Booty
  • About & Contact
    • Bibliography
    • Links