Betty Adams Tall Tales
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Humans are Weird - Free Will

1/19/2026

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Humans are Weird - Free Will

 Second Sister was carefully measuring out water into one of the few, sad ornamental plants the human doctor kept in the waiting room.
“I know you are lonely,” she muttered to the thing. “I will ask First Administration Assistant if I can get you some nitrogen fixing neighbors.”
The office comm unit chimed that a known patient was calling in and First Administration Assistant, a human called Molly, activated the unit and code-switched to what the humans called “cheerful professional”.
“Family and Hive Healing Center! How may I help you?”
“Yes, this is Colby Banner. I would like to -” there was a brief interruption in sound as a higher pitched human female voice spoke just beyond the reach of the other comm’s pickup range, “schedule an appointment to come in and get my skin looked at?”
“Very good, are you one of our current patients?” First Administration Assistant asked.
There was another dim murmuring.
“My wife is, and my son,” he replied. “She used to be Susana Holmes.”
“Oh! You must be little Timmy’s father!” First Administration Assistant said, real delight breaking thorough her professional coding.
“That’s me,” agreed the remarkably unenthusiastic human male.
“And what exactly are you coming in for?” First Administration Assistant asked.
Again the brief, quite murmuring from the female human, presumably this Susana.
“She wants me to get some moles and stuff looked at,” the human said, only to be interrupted by more indistinct murmuring. “I mean I,” the human male when on, his tones changing to what the humans called sarcastic, “want to get some moles looked at.”
“Well we can get you in with Dr. Green in a few days,” First Administrative Assistant said her mouth beginning to twitch with amusement. “Do you want to schedule for this Thursday?”
“Sure, that will do,” the human male muttered, again the soft background murmuring.
The human male gave a snort and when he spoke again the sarcastic tones were gone, replaced by a droning monotony.
“I mean that I, Colby Banner make this appointment of my own free will and under no coercion from anybody, especially not any busybody family members.”
First Administrative Assistant laughed.
“Well that is good,” she said. “I will send you the new patient request so you can send us your current biometrics and we will see you on Thursday.”
The communication ended and Second Sister approached First Administrative Assistant.
“Yes Second Administrative Assistant?” First Administrative Assistant said without glancing up from her data entry.
“Is it perhaps possible that Human Patient Colby Banner was in fact being coerced and did not make that appointment of his own free will?” Second Sister asked uneasily. “It seemed odd that he mentioned that. It is not part of the standard human social pattern so far as I observed.”
“Oh he was definitely being coerced,” First Administrative Assistant said with a dismissive wave of her hand.
“Is that not an ethical concern?” Second Sister asked.
“Not for us,” First Administrative Assistant replied absently as she shifted tasks.
Second Sister rocked back on her hind legs and pondered that. After several long quiet moments First Administrative Assistant looked up and smiled ruefully at her.
“It’s a colony thing Second,” she said. “The psych profile of the kind of humans who come to a new world is usually fiercely independent, very individualistic. Most of them try to take care of their own medical needs. They only come into a doctors when it is important. Childbirth usually brings the women in, and then they bring their mates and children in.”
“They coerce their mates to get needed medical treatment?” Second Sister asked.
“Well in this case he probably doesn’t think it’s needed,” First Administrative Assistant said. “She does, the doctor will determine who is right.”
“And this is considered a normal human interaction?” Second Sister asked.
First Administrative Assistant only snorted and refocused on her work.
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Humans are Weird - Back it on Up

1/18/2026

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Humans are Weird - Back it on Up

 It was the third, perch-shaking crunch that finally pulled Wing Commander Fourth Fall away from the end of year (local year) report and out into the loading area. Wing Second Fifth Flap was darting around with a safety-visibility light (optimized for mammalian eyes) clutched in his feet, yelling (tones trained to not cause stress in mammals) into his comms. Ranger Gabler (Human) stuck his head out of the control pod, and began swiviling his massive head around, obviously trying to get his bifocal vision (average spread one-hundred fourteen degrees) to focus on Wingsecond Fifth Flap’s directions. One damaged (critical, would need to be replaced) guidance bouy, one damaged (non-critical) corner of the loading dock, and one damaged (non-critical needed repair) stationary cargo pod collectively explained the crunching sounds.
Wing Commander Fourth Fall stared grimly at the situation and tried to stop himself from thinking in ‘report speak’. The auto-loading program had been one of the many casualties of the solar storm the planet had experienced. That wouldn’t have been a problem, except most of their equipment was old, Shatar built equipment. Without the complex control programs that facilitate machines built by different species talking to each other it was nearly impossible for one Winged to navigate most of the larger equipment. Fortunately they had Ranger Gabler to handle that sort of thing with his wide spreading hands and long limbs. Unfortunately Ranger Gabler (as he freely admitted) was remarkably below the human average in several critical skills needed to preform the necessary tasks.
So long as it was moving individual pods the human was perfectly qualified. Even with below species average (and the human average was well below the Winged) spatial reasoning and situational awareness Ranger Gabler was capable of moving the smaller pods. However the larger cargo pods (which happened to be the ones the base was using for overwinter storage and needed to form the base of the storage stacks) needed to be attached to a control pod. However the pod linkage served as a simple joint, not a fusion. Apparently this ‘flipped everything backwards’ and to a human mind exponentially increased the difficulty of the task. (At least that is what Ranger Gabler claimed. Wing commander Fourth Fall fully intended to check the veracity of that claim as soon as they connected to the University database again.)
“I’m an administrator! Not a doctor!” Ranger Gabler was yelling (unnecessary due to the comm unit but seemingly a stress response).
“Doctors do not back up linked cargo pods. What does that even have to do with the updraft?” Wing Second Fifth Flap asked in a very, very controlled and not stressed tone.
“I don’t know! That’s just what you say!” Ranger Gabler yelled back.
“Just focus on the bottom of the guidance yoke,” Wing Second Fifth Flap redirected the human’s attention. “The way it goes is the way the back of the cargo pod goes.”
“Bottom of the yoke,” Ranger Gabler muttered, gripping the yoke in one hand and glaring forward.
Wing Second Fifth Flap however did seem to have the situation under as much control as the situation allowed and it was fairly obvious that any interference from the Wing Commander would only complicate the situation. Heaving a sigh Fourth Fall fluttered back to his desk and hopped that the human’s spatial awareness would at least prevent any more crunches until they could restore the guidance systems, and really, he mused, who knew that a land mammal could be that spatially blind?
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Humans are Weird - Safety First

1/7/2026

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Humans are Weird - Safety First

 Revels in the Dawn had finally found a time to compost and had carefully pulled all awareness to the central forest of the region. It had been many seasons since Revels in the Dawn had first extended tendrils into this wood. Saplings had reached towering height and then died in their natural life course only for their offspring to do the same. This wild region had been in a stable equilibrium for tree-generations before Revels in the Dawn had first touched it. The native forest mind had easily accepted Revels in the Dawn and had kept on sending nutrients this way and that no matter what changed in the rest of the planet. The more motile species had accepted Revels in the Dawn’s request to leave this area untouched with cheerful acceptance, gladly accepting Revels in the Dawn’s assistance in cultivating the more equatorial sections of the planet and only posting small colonies of Rangers to observe the region and guard and maintain the local sensor stations and few scientific outpost around the deep forest. This was Revels in the Dawn’s most sacred place to compost and dream.
Therefore it was with no little annoyance that Revels in the Dawn realized what the flashed of brilliant, reflective color meant. The first clue was the sudden sprouting of interest nodes in dormant light sensitive tendrils. Something new to the experience of the Gathering had happened in the composting place, something associated with a color that did not occur naturally on this planet.
Revels in the Dawn spent a day deciding if this infraction was worth determining who was responsible and contacting them before grudgingly siding on the affirmative. Instead of settling a majority of awareness into a nice, soothing compost session Revels in the Dawn began carefully reviewing every memory node that contained the color signal. The results were perplexing to say the least. The first was a young flightless avian. The species was fairly large, a species of herbivore that subsisted on the liquid sap of the trees. Their long necks and long beaks designed to chip holes through the bark and lick out the fluid. This one had a long strap of brilliant yellow wound around its neck. The item, clearly not natural, had fallen to the forest duff and was easy to locate once Revels in the Dawn followed the color alert nodes though time.
This composting place had few motile tendrils, Revels in the Dawn had little interest in altering anything about the local environment, but with time and effort the Gathering was able to move the detritus that had fallen over the alien item. In clear current view it was easy to identify. The chemicals that had leeched out of it into the duff aided the identification. It was one of the highly reflective safety belts that the human Rangers used to make themselves more visible during low light conditions. However there were no human Rangers stationed near the composting place, and so far as Revels in the Dawn knew, no human Rangers had been granted leave for either scientific or personal travel into it.
However the avian species were known to migrate far during their sexual dispersal as they came of age. Had it been only this one ‘belt’ it was called, it might have simply been a curious example of the curious young avian getting its long neck tangled in the belt far away and dragging it into the composting place.
However there were far to many of the color alert nodes for that to be the case, and knowing the taste of the leeched chemicals Revels in the Dawn was able to quickly locate, not only more belts but also larger full ‘vests’ now littering the duff of the composting place. With growing perplexity Revels in the Dawn reviewed the visual memories. Not just the avian species, but the mammals that wandered through the deep forests on their way to the more open clearings were to be seen ‘wearing’ the reflective material. As a percentage of the populations the animals thus marked were very few, and the material degraded and fell off them quickly as it was designed to. The chemicals released into the forest were annoying but not particularly harmful.
The situation was coming into focus as simply...curious. Why would the humans feel the need to place their safety equipment, designed specially for their bodies and eyes, on the local fauna? Why was no record of this communicated to Revels in the Dawn?
Slowly extending awareness into distant memory Revels in the Dawn followed one of the larger mammals, wearing a full reflective ‘sweater’, back though the forest and days. The mammal had entered the composting forest from the south. The memory led back to the mid summer to a meadow on the edge of the nearest Ranger base that housed several humans tasked with various search and rescue operation as well as the physical maintenance of the sensor stations. As the memory stretched back it showed the mammal fleeing from the meadow wearing the sweater, then it showed one of the humans grappling the mammal, tying the ‘arms’ of the sweater around its neck and laughing as it escaped, and the human wearing the sweater while sitting with a small cluster of Rangers in the meadow.
Having found the central memory Revels in the Dawn played it over with full awareness and temporal focus. The cluster of humans lounging around the meadow. Current awareness showed that even in this colder season the smell and taste of humans lingered in the area showing recent presence. The humans in the memory chatting of various things before spotting the mammal. The sudden change in their posture from casual lounging to alert, predatory stance. One human being chosen who began to stalk the mammal. The chosen human carefully easing out of his reflective sweater as he approached the mammal and then lunging and capturing the mammal, the human pinning it with his greater mass and long limbs. The human tying the arms of the sweater around the mammal and then rolling off laughing as the animal bolted away.
Slow perusal of the memories of that meadow showed similar events happening over the course of the summer and autumn. Many times it was different humans, always it was a young male human. Revels in the Dawn considered the options available. If the issue was brought up with the base commander no doubt the behavior would stop immediately. However the animals were not being harmed, the humans seemed careful of that. The contamination of the composting forest was annoying, but hardly dangerous. Revels in the Dawn decided at last to enter a composting phase and to decide in that what course of action to take. Why mature humans would put so much effort into something so apparently pointless was an interesting question, but not worth interrupting high quality rest.   
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  • Home
    • Book 1 "Humans are Weird: I Have the Data"
    • Book 2 "Humans are Weird: We Took a Vote"
    • Book 3 "Humans are Weird: Let's Work It Out"
    • Book 4 "Humans are Weird: I Did the Math"
    • "Flying Sparks"
    • "Dying Embers"
    • "Hidden Fires"
    • Testimonials
  • The Aliens
    • Dying Embers
    • Humans Are Weird
    • Miscellaneous
    • Fan Art
  • Betty's Blog
    • Humans Are Weird
  • Store: Betty's Booty
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